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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: The Free Spirit

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Monday, October 8, 2012

The Free Spirit

I have a terrible time with commitment, which sounds funny coming from a married woman.  But it's true.  I never wanted to be married.  It's not that I don't want to be committed to someone or something, I really do, but it's more that I want to be committed to the idea.  The romantic ideal that is in my head.

I have a terrible time with job hopping.  I currently adore my job, but after nearly a year in one place, I am finding myself growing restless.  I love my co-workers and get a thrill out of what I do, but too long in one place causes my heart and mind to wander to other things.  It's a troublesome personality trait that makes it challenging to explain to people why I must always be on my way.  Most do not understand the wandering free spirits that still exist today.  Most are happy to find a job they love, a house they love, a friend and neighborhood they love and never move from there.

Not me.

I don't know what made me this way.  I don't know why I am so antsy to move from place to place, but it is just who I am.  My passion runs deeply, my fire burns brightly, and any other number of cliche phrases you can use to describe a person who is just kind of in love with having new experiences.  I'm constantly searching for that thing that will hold my attention, but have yet to find it.

I look at my job and know, that though I love it, no normal person daydreams of where they will be off to next when they actually do love their job.  But the tedium of office politics don't interests me and I find it annoying to constantly be feeling like my employer should be more open to better ways to do things.  I'm not really build for that.

I find it hard to hang on to friends because the same heart that has my mind constantly wandering, has little time for those I don't consider a true friend.  Very few people in my life have lived up to the simple expectation that I have set forth: I will be there for you, in any way that I can, as long as you reciprocate.  It seems a simple enough philosophy to have in a friendship, but you'd be surprised (though you probably aren't) at how few people really want to be there for you in return.  I will move heaven and earth for my friends, and all I ask is the same in return.  But so few people are interested in mutual friendship, so few people understand that being friends with someone like me means that our friendship must span distances of not just miles, but sometimes time and even worlds.

But I can't help who I am.  I can't help constantly wondering what is just over that bend, where that other road leads and never staying in one spot for too long.  By outward appearances, I own a house, have dogs, a husband and a steady life, but on the inside I'm a wild woman constantly searching for where life will take me next.

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2 Comments:

Blogger Jen said...

I am very much the same way. I am a nomad at heart and love the idea of not being 100% settled.

October 8, 2012 at 8:34 AM  
Blogger Jamie said...

Change is exciting. I totally get it.

October 8, 2012 at 12:13 PM  

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