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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: Saying No To Your Spouse

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Saying No To Your Spouse

How many of you honestly say No to your spouse?  I'm not talking about saying no to buying a new car to be financially responsible, or even saying no to buying a new toy or wasting money on silly snacks at the commissary, I'm talking, saying NO.

I put my foot down the other day and said no to my husband for the first time, really, ever.  I've put my foot down about our budget and insisted that includes chips, I've said no to a new car, silly toy or even, on the odd occasion, to a gift he intended to give me but I thought was too expensive.  But, in general, I'm not the kind of spouse who says no very often.  It's usually because I rarely feel what is being asked of me is unreasonable.

Though my husband and I have very different OPINIONS on much of life, we don't like to vacation at the same type of destinations (he's a beach kind of guy, and I am very much so NOT), we don't read the same books (he doesn't read books at all), and we don't like the same type of TV shows (I prefer crime related shows, he prefers anything else), the reality is, we share much of the same VIEWS on life.  This includes how our marriage should be structured and what constitutes an acceptable boundary. This means that situations rarely arise in our life where I actually say a firm no.

The other day, I did this.  I said no.  What I said no to is not the point, but I felt the boundaries of an acceptable request were far behind us in the dust.  The look in my husbands face was one of shock and complete disbelief.  He even then asked me, much like I imagine my father would have should I have said no to him, "what did you say?"  I repeated my firm stance and the damage was done.

Things are not any worse between us, nor is our marriage suddenly falling apart simply because I put my foot down for the first time, but it was a strange occurrence.   It took over four years of marriage and over 6 years of being together before we hit a point where I actually said no to my husband about something important.  The issue has since been dropped, a stand still in our gun fight having been reached, but only time will tell how this will effect our later arguments.  I can tell you, it made the one we were having quite impossible to finish with neither of us willing to cave and relinquish our positions on the matter.  My husband has taken to a status of avoidance, choosing to not bring up the issue again and not push the matter, but it is difficult for him since he is not used to this happening.  I'm continuing on much the same path I was previously, seeing as I refused to change courses to begin with.  I'm sure he's still angry that I said no, he is not used to not having a say in things and even more so not used to me not giving in on most matters, but everyone has to have a lesson in not getting their own way at some point.

We'll see how the situation turns out in the long run, but for now, it's a topic we are avoiding, until it's necessary to discuss it again.  Hopefully by then, his temper will have chilled and we will be able to have an actual discussion about this matter.

My question to you all is:  Do you often say no to your spouse as I did?  Or are you the spouse who is used to getting your own way?


PS:  Don't forget to Link Up! http://aboyagirlandthemarinecorps.blogspot.com/2012/07/the-silly-things-i-tell-myself-link-up.html


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Psh. I say no ALL the time. He's used to it by now. Then again, maybe if he were more logical....

July 31, 2012 at 9:08 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

I don't say no to my Fiance, but I've never really had to. He doesn't typically ask me to do things that are unreasonable. There are times, though, when I don't like his choices, but I'm not about to to tell him what he can and can't do. I let him know my opinion of whatever it is, and if he chooses to continue so be it.

July 31, 2012 at 9:41 PM  
Blogger ____j said...

When it comes to life decisions that are going to affect both of us, he usually comes to me & we discuss the pro's & con's of whatever it may be. I try not to tell him 'no' if it's something he really wants to do, but we reason with each other, and he usually can see where I'm coming from & decide for himself [yes or no]. As for every day decisions, I tell him no a lot! No, he can't play the video game instead of giving the baby a bath. No, he can't eat out for lunch everyday, etc.

August 1, 2012 at 9:32 AM  

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