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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: Vulnerable

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Vulnerable


"When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable.  But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable." - Madeleine L'Engle



How do you mend a broken heart? Some say time.  Some say you don't.  I honestly don't know.  But I do know that someone very dear to me recently said some things to me that were so hurtful that I literally felt a pain in my chest.  I could actually feel the moment that must be why we call it a "broken heart." 

I thought I could sleep it off.  Forgive and forget.  Move one.  But I'm still hurt.  I'm actually devastated.  This is a person who means a lot to me and it was horrifying to watch the words come out of their mouth with such callousness.  These cruel things were flung into the universe with no care as to where they would land, which was at my feet.  And this person seemed to almost relish in the pained look on my face, in the tears that I cried, and the hurt that it caused.  And none of those reactions stopped the onslaught of crushing verbal blows to my self, my pride, my sense of self worth, and our relationship. 

I will freely admit that when I feel cornered and threatened I can also spew hatefulness into the world.  I did say some hurtful things in retaliation.  Due to the immense pain I was in, and the fact that I was actually caught slightly off guard, the things I had to say in response were not as harmful as what was said to me, but the damage is done.  I try not to retaliate in these situations.  I try to remember that hurtful words are not alway backed up with a true belief in what is being said, but in the desire to create maximum pain.  But I did retaliate, if for nothing else than to attempt to stop what felt like a never ending attempt to defend myself to no avail. 

My heart still hurts.  My stomach aches.  

We can, as adults who have been hurt in the past, buffer ourselves.  We build walls, pseudonyms to blog under to protect our feelings, we prevent people from truly getting to know us, but someone in our life does.  There is always someone who knows us and has been let in enough to hurt us.  Or we are already aching and trying to prevent further damage.  Either way, we will always be vulnerable to the wounding acts of others. 



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2 Comments:

Blogger Rachelle said...

So sorry to hear this happened to you. It's always more painful when it's someone you truly care about and trust. I'm going through a similar situation right now and I'm still trying to process it all.

July 25, 2012 at 6:40 PM  
Blogger Kristle Helmuth said...

I'm sorry that this happened, I know from experience how much a broken heart truly does hurt, and honestly, I don't think it heals, I think we learn to cope. I used to think when I was a kid that once we grew up that we were free from all the heartache, and hurt, but I was wrong. I hope that this week is better for you!

July 26, 2012 at 2:46 PM  

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