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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: A Heart to Heart... With my Doctor

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

A Heart to Heart... With my Doctor

I love my job.  I mean, I LOVE my job.  It is a constant struggle in my life that I work so much.  I work through lunch, I don't get snacks, I stay late, I get called in early.  It's not just that I love my actual, physical job, but I love where I work and love my co-workers.  This causes a massive problem.  I'm motivated to a fault and it's a well known fact that when someone calls in sick, they usually don't bother to call anyone else because they know I'll come in, even if I'm not on call.  And I have had a tremendous amount of guilt associated with having had to take a few days off due to my recent injury.  Heck, I laid in bed and felt bad when I was sick with the flu for a week, even though I was having to go into the doctor to get IV fluids every few days.  I even tried to get up and go to work one of those days I ended up getting fluids.  It's a sickness...  Pun intended.  But it really is a sickness.

It's an issue with not wanting to let people down.  I've spent most of my life trying to never let anyone down.  When it was decided I would move to part time to be home more for my husband, I felt awful.  If I stayed full time, I was letting my husband and my marriage down, if I go part time, I'm letting my co-workers/friends down.  See... Sickness.

So, this is what I did.  I went to my appointment last week and asked to be released back to work.  No, I'm not kidding.  When the doctor told me I needed a few more days off, I replied, "Does today and tomorrow count, because I'm supposed to be back to work in two days." (SICKNESS!!!)  He told me I could work my up coming shifts, full duty, as a trial.  I'm not going to lie to my doctor, so I went back in today and told him that I felt like I'd been hit by a Mack Truck and was too painful to sleep.  I'm frustrated.  I want to work, but I was in pain at work and one of my doctors repeatedly threaten to send me home.  My response to said doctor?  "I can power through with some time to ice my neck because we are too busy to be down a person." (WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?)  At the end of my visit, I had been cut to part time, not allowed to work more than 8 hours a shift (I currently work 14 hour shifts) and am not allowed to lift, push or pull more than 5 pounds, I'm not supposed to reach and I need to limit how much I rotate my neck...  Yowza. This may or may not have been in response to me admitting that carrying my purse, even in my hand, gives me a headache...

The heart to heart came at the end of my visit.  My doctor told me that I shouldn't be frustrated.  I have a pretty wicked injury to my neck and jaw and I need to take it easy.  He understood that I'm used to taking care of everyone and my patients and that I may or may not be a slight workaholic, but that now is time for me to focus on ME.  I have to take it easy and I'm not letting anyone one down if I do.

Whoa.  I've never told him I feel that way, he just seemed to read between the lines as to who I am.  I was shocked, but I needed to hear it.  Sometimes we all need to hear the truth.  I may love my job, I may not want to disappoint people, I may not want to feel like I'm letting people down, but I also have to take care of my injury.  It doesn't make me a bad employee, it makes me a realistic one.  And I CANNOT risk further injury or prolonged recovery time because I don't want my work to be mad at me.  My husband also made a good point, I will be in deep S*** with the state should I ignore doctors orders for an L&I case, which I am honestly sooooo tempted to do, and I would not be doing anyone any good.

Is a few extra hours at work worth permanent damage to my body?  No, and I know that.  Ok, so I'm telling myself that.  My new mantra, whether I believe it or not, is:  I'm not letting people down.  It's not worth further injury.

If I say it enough, I'll believe it... Right?  (Siiiiccckkkkneeessss! (in a sing songy voice))



Blogger Marinewife1111 {Marcella} said...

Yes girl, you rest now, you can feel better and be back to work in better condition sooner!
But if you continue to work and don't rest, you will take longer to heal all the while extending the process...
If that just made sense it was a miracle!! Sheesh I need a longer nap!!

July 24, 2012 at 3:08 PM  
Blogger Ashton Belle said...

Ughh that's rough, I'm going through a very similar situation myself and it sucks! Hope you get lot's of rest and feel better soon.

Your newest follower Ashton from:

July 24, 2012 at 5:12 PM  
Blogger ____j said...

I know where you're coming from, and I really hope your body heals soon! I can't imagine the pain you're dealing with.

July 24, 2012 at 10:23 PM  

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