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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: defeated

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

defeated

Do you ever have days where you wake up feeling defeated by the world?  That would be my day.

I worked a 16 hour shift yesterday.  I lost a patient.  She was improving and then just suddenly crashed and there was nothing we could do.  I nearly cried.  Not because I was particularly attached to her, but because it was how my whole day felt like it was going.  Just one thing after another, one critical patient after another that I just couldn't do enough for...

I'm so tired that I only got one day of training in this week.  And I completely gave up on being even remotely productive day!

I feel angry... Just angry at the world lately.  Angry that I'm angry.  Sure I love to go on the odd rant, but I'm not generally a sad or angry person.  I enjoy a good pity party, I love to get pissy about stuff, but really, I'm a perpetual optimist... And yet, my optimism is gone and if I could bitch slap the universe in the face, I probably would right now.

Case in point:

Today, a friend posted on FB about being happy to be at home and not working because she's so productive now.  Her friend said that it won't last and that she'll want to be back to work soon enough.  I simply commented that I really liked being an at home wife for the years I was and that sometimes I dream about going back.  And that I wasn't ever all that bored.  This complete stranger said that  "OF COURSE you would want to be an at home wife if you don't enjoy your job because then it would be better to be home... "

I don't actually think that's what I said.  I'm pretty sure I just said that I liked it.  I really like my job.  I feel fulfilled (though often stressed) with what I do.  My coworkers rock, my company rocks and I'm passionate about Vet Medicine.  Would I be looking into more schooling and getting my specialty in emergency and critical care if I didn't like my job?  No.  But she wouldn't know that about me.  She doesn't know me from Adam and has no idea what I do for a living.  It was a rudely presumptuous thing to say.  And why is she assuming I didn't find staying at home fulfilling because she didn't?  I loved being a stay at home wife.  I loved being there for my husband all the time and cooking for him and taking care of the dogs.  It's not all sunshine and roses, but there is nothing wrong with enjoying being home with your family.  I'm a bit sensitive about people who look down on SAHM or SAHW.  I had a full time job that I wasn't paid for and yet still found it fulfilling.  Most SAHM I know do.

Anyhoo, the point is I was more enraged than warranted by her stupid comment (as I'm sure you have now noticed).  I don't know why.  People like that always bug me, but they are usually something I forget about 2 seconds later...

Maybe it's this whole FB culture.  Are we too well connected?  I'm a fairly private person and I generally don't keep many close friends and maybe FB and all of it's glory is simply too much human contact for me.  Maybe two years of constant contact with random ass people has worn down my generally nice demeanor for this surly person who is now blogging...

I don't know, but I'm surly and angry and frustrated with the whole world right now.  I have no idea why or what exactly is going on.  But it's dragging me down.  I feel defeated by everything and mad at everything.

I really hope this feeling doesn't last.

2 Comments:

Blogger Krystal Melissa ♥ said...

I see where you're coming from. I HATE people like that! Don't even know you- and always have something to say! I don't look down upon SAHW OR SAHM because my mother is one & everyone is DIFFERENT. She's just ignorant. Seriously.
You're not alone. I'm always here!

April 6, 2012 at 2:19 PM  
Blogger Kristle Helmuth said...

Gosh, you sound like you are in my head, im brand new hear by the way, but I have days where I am angered by the air I breathe, and everything else is icing on the cake. I can't imagine how hard it must have been to lose a patient, my heart goes out to you! Heres to better days! <3' Kristle @forgetthedognotthebaby.blogspot.com

April 6, 2012 at 3:23 PM  

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