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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: Painful truths

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Painful truths

I love my husband.  I worry about him when he's not with me.  I'm constantly scared I'll never see him again.  This thought process stems from our deployment when I would go ages without hearing from him and not know if he was alive.  It's a habitual way of thinking that I have never been able to stop.

The painful truth is that I adore him.  But I just don't always feel he adores me.

We started out our married life with me being a stay at home wife.  He loved it.  We had always agreed that I would only work part time, if I worked at all, so that I could be home with him.  When I went to school, I decided I wanted to work full time.  He agreed.  But I'm struggling with the thought that this is part of our problem.

In a lot of ways he's very old fashioned in the way he approaches life.  I think it's hard for him to not have me home.  I think part of why we struggle is that we never see each other.

The painful truth is that I love my job.  I love what I do.  I love my wonky schedule.  I love working at an ER.  But a day practice with day practice hours would be better for my married life.  I work when my husband is home and he works when I am home.  We only have one (partial) mutual day off, but I work until 4am that day so it's only a half day and I sleep for most of it...

He loves my paycheck.  It's really helping us reach some of our financial goals... But what about our marriage goals?

How do I find a balance between loving my job and the struggle we are having in our marriage because we never see each other?

We struggle when I'm not working.   My marriage is not falling apart because I have a job, but I'm worried my working is not helping.

But I have so many great goals for my professional life...

The painful truth is I don't know how we can find a balance.

I don't know that this is our problem, but it feels like it's not helping the situation...  How do we find a good balance when both of us work so many hours a week and such long days?

Sigh.

4 Comments:

Blogger Candice said...

I have that same anxiety about my husband when he's not near me. All horrible possibilities go through my head, and I can give all the thanks to Afghanistan. I wonder if it'll ever go away?

January 24, 2012 at 1:39 PM  
Blogger Marine Wife Unplugged said...

I have no idea how you could find a balance between that, either. Marriage is give and take, and I give (or give up) whatever I can so that I can put our marriage first. For us, that meant sacrificing the extra money and staying home, but that was a decision we made even before we got married. Money is tight, but I don't regret it at all. Our bills get paid and we live within our means. Husbands and wives really need to be in agreement with these things in order to make it last.

On a random note, I tagged you in a post. Might be fun to do. I don't know. :) http://marinewifeunplugged.blogspot.com/2012/01/q-and.html

January 25, 2012 at 11:34 AM  
Blogger chambanachik said...

That's rough. Obviously, at the end of the day, your marriage is worth the most. It's a tough choice, though.

January 25, 2012 at 1:44 PM  
Blogger Jamie said...

It is such a difficult thing to find balance in life between work, life, exercise, babies, etc. I struggle every day between continuing to stay home with my toddler and wanting to go back to work. *sigh*

February 1, 2012 at 10:52 AM  

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