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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: May 2011

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

That damn MOH!

Guess what just arrived in the mail? An invitation to my friends bridal shower... for this Saturday, the 28th. So no notice for that either... and who throws a shower and the bachelorette party the same day?

The invite even said to bring cash because the restaurant won't split the check. So, I am being asked to buy a shower gift, and pay for (a rather pricey) lunch and also shell out an undisclosed amount of money on the bachelorette party.

I'm so mad it's not even funny! And we still have not gotten the "further details" about the bachelorette party! Sadly, it's Wend night and only 2 people have rsvp'd. How heartbreaking is that?

I don't know if I should say something to the bride to be or not. :(

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Rant a little

A good friend of mine is getting married soon.  She was a bridesmaid in my wedding.  He fiance served with my husband.  They are having a destination wedding, so they know that most of us are not going to be able to go.  So, they are having a reception when they get home.

This is all fine and dandy.  What I am pissed about is this:

Her MOH emailed me an evite yesterday.  I will repeat, yesterday, May 23, at 12pm to her bachelorette party on Saturday. As in, Saturday May 28th.  I'm so pissed!  What kind of MOH waits to invite people to a bachelorette party until 6 days before!?  And if that weren't bad enough, there are no details in the invite because the details are still being "ironed out."  So, it doesn't say where the event is taking place, or anything.  And, since the bride to be usually doesn't pay for herself, it would be nice to have some details or cost estimate for the rest of us since we will not only be paying for ourselves, but splitting her costs as well.  WTF!?

She only invited 8 people.  Fine.  But two already RSVP'd no, I said maybe with more details, but it's unlikely since I work until 6pm and have to be back at work Sunday morning.  (Hence the little thing called "advanced notice" that people usually give.) So, at the most, 5 people will be there if everyone else RSVP's yes.

It's so sad to me!  I had a small party, but I asked for a limited number of people to be invited, yet everyone came because my MOH asked me what I would like and not like etc and a list of people to invite pretty much the second I asked her to be my MOH.  And she got the invites out and the date set and all of that right away.  In fact, she emailed me a list of dates to check against what I was doing for wedding stuff so that the date could be set and she could give warning that the plans were coming, but to set aside the day.

I'm heartbroken for my friend.  I'm pissed at her MOH.  Who I know and would not have expected this from.  I'm irked that I could have potentially gone had I been give more than 5 days notice.  I could have traded a shift or something.  But, no, I will likely not be able to attend.  I missed her bridal shower because I was too new at my job to request the time off, I am going to miss her actual wedding because we couldn't afford to fly to it, let alone the resort prices, and I am probably going to miss her reception back home because of my surgery.  :(  This is the one thing I could have made it too.  And now I"m going to miss this too.


Things that make me happy....

Buying $100 worth of car parts, having them installed for the price of a dinner out with friends, and learning that I have a part I don't need that can now be returned for $30.  :)

And, of course, being able to go buy groceries tomorrow, because now my car will make it there.  :)

Now, just to price laptops.  Fingers crossed I have an equally good day when checking those out at NEX.  :)

Oh, and because we have no food, because I couldn't drive my car, I got to have a wonderful excuse to eat Taco Bell for dinner when the hubs got home from work.  :)

Just a smidge

That would be how overwhelmed I am right now... Just a smidge.  Or, a whole FREAKING bunch!!!


My work decided to transfer me into the actual ER, and another tech is taking my place in internal medicine.  This way they can keep me on longer.   That is great!

So, after I got this news, my check engine light came on.  Then my car started to die WHILE I was drivign it.  As in, I'm going 60 down the freeway and go to change lanes and my steering wheel won't turn, I look down to see that my engine is no longer running.  So, I take it to our mechanic (who was also the best man at my wedding) and he can't figure out what's wrong.  Then he starts fiddling with things and discovers that my PCV valve and hose have GIANT, GAPING holes.  It's just my engines intake, that's not important, right?

So, we start trying to track down the parts.  No one has them.  Turns out, I can only get these two items from a dealership.  There is a dealership near us that doesn't charge an arm and a leg for parts, but guess what?  They don't have both parts in, and the hose will take at least a week to ship here.  So, I call one in Seattle.  They want more than double for the hose.  But they have both parts in.  So, I find yet another dealership.  This one has the hose, for a reasonable price (but not as cheap as the one nearest us) but no valve.  Luckily, he was able to get it in ASAP. But now, I have to drive my car to the dealership, then to Seattle to my mechanic so he can fix it.  The trouble?  My car has progressed to the point where it shakes and makes the sound like it's about to die every time I turn it on, stop at a light, give it gas, or generally look at it sideways.  So, I had to call my insurance and verify that I could opt to take my car to my mechanics house VS the nearest auto shop like most places require.  Luckily I can.  But this all means that I can't run errands or grocery shop or do any of the other things I needed to do today.

It this weren't bad enough, the day my car decided to start dying on me, so did my laptop!  Granted, I've had this laptop for ages.  3-4 years.  Which is ancient in the laptop world.  :) But it has served me well.  It's a Mac, but we didn't opt to but a super nice Mac because we were broke back then.  And it's been through a lot.  So, a year ago, when it started acting up, we knew it was coming on time to start looking. But we just sorta held out hope that we could fiddle with it enough to keep it going for a while longer.  And that time as come.  My internet just sorta shuts down at random and now, it's also turning it's self off at random.  Even when I'm using it and it's plugged into a power source.  :(  I'm sad.  I like my laptop... Kinda.  So, we are going to have to price laptops now too.  Which sucks.  Our hope had been to keep this one going long enough that we could replace with with a swanky desk top.  But 1.  we can't afford that right now and 2.  I won't be able to use a desk top after my surgery.  So, we will end up with another laptop.

Sorta wish I had the ability to see into the future right now.  It would have allowed me to say, "maybe we shouldn't buy a new table and chairs right now.  Nor should we buy a new Tivo..."  Though, both were such good deals that we may have done it anyway simply because it's unlikely we would have gotten better deals.  Who knows...

Either way, it adds a bit of stress that I don't really need or want to cope with right now.

Though, if anyone wants to send us grocery coupons from their Sunday papers, we would appreciate it!  We have decided that we will make up the room in our budget for all of these unexpected things buy saving money on groceries.  :)  I have already asked my mom to send us hers.  :)

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Sigh....

I wrote this post last week, but it was during the few days that blogger was down.  It made me want to cry because I really needed to get it all out!  So, I wrote it on my computer...  I'm having a much better day today and feeling a bit less horrible, but figured I should post it, in the event that I feel this way again tomorrow... Which I might.  The reality is, this is a very honest post about how I feel when no one is looking.  This is how I feel when I am not trying to convince the world (and myself) that everything is perfect.

***


“Hurt that’s not supposed to show
And tears that fall when no one knows
When you’re trying hard to be your best
Could you be a little less” – Madonna, What it feels like for a girl

Do you ever feel so lost and alone you can’t breath?


I’m heart broken inside.  I’m heart broken because when times get tough I realize I’m alone.  I fool myself into thinking I’m ok.  I fool myself by waking up every day and smiling.  I’m there for everyone.  I comfort my “friends” I tell them they are right, I let them cry on my shoulder.  I laugh when they are happy and I cry with them when they are sad. 

I wake up everyday, no matter what I feel inside and smile and laugh and joke.  I tell people that my life is great.  I joke about my husband, “you know husbands!  HAHAHA!”  I laugh about my pit falls.  I understand about my surgery.  To my doctor, I understand, to my boss, I understand, to my family, I understand.

But inside, that piece of me that I shove down deep so that I can laugh, and smile is dying.  It is quietly whispering, “your heart is broken, you are sad, you are lonely, you are unhappy, and you have no one.”  It whispers that no matter who you support, who you love, who you are there for, only a fraction of those people will be there for you, and in my reality, none of them.  They do not hesitate to call when they are sad, they do not hesitate to complain that no one loves them or wants to hear them complain, but they also do not return my phone calls, or hear my cries for help.

I wake up everyday, take a deep breath and smile.  I wake up, take a deep breath and tell myself the lump in my throat is sleepiness.  I wake up, take a deep breath and tell myself I have nothing to cry about.  And that little piece of me, it whispers, “you are in pain, you are sad, and you are dying a little each day.”  And I refuse to hear it.  I refuse because happiness is a choice, right?  You have to wake up each day choose to be happy.  You have to wake up each day and choose to be strong.  And that’s what I am, I am strong.  I am strong for myself, I am strong for my friends when they are too tired and sad and weak to be strong themselves, I am strong for my husband when he is worried about his wife, I am strong for my patients, I am strong because strong is the only choice I can make.  And that little voice inside me whispers, “you don’t want to be strong anymore.”  It whispers, “when is someone going to be strong for you?”

And each day, I ignore it.  I do not want to hear the truths that this little part of me whispers.  I do not want to hear that no one is strong for me.  I do not want to hear that I am sad, and lonely, and heart broken, but this little voice finally grew loud enough that I couldn’t ignore it any more. 

So, here I sit, sad, and lonely, and heart broken.  Here I sit, with no one to be strong when I don’t have the will, or energy to be.  Here I sit, realizing that no one is going to be there for me. 

But tomorrow, I will wake up, take a deep breath, and smile.  I will wake up, take a deep breath and be happy on the outside.  Tomorrow, I will wake up and I will act strong, because I have no other choice.  But the little voice, the little piece of me that I shove so deep down to quite will not be ignored…  And I know, that one of these days, I will not wake up, take a deep breath, and smile.  I know someday, I will grow weary of being strong for everyone.  And when that day comes, the world will be shocked to see that I, too, cry when no one is looking.  I, too, fear the unknown.  I, too, worry about the future.  And I, too, need someone to be there for me, be strong for me, to cry with me.  And because I don’t have that someone, I, too, can be just as lonely as the rest of the world.  I’m just better at lying on the outside than most.  But the truth is, I’m dying on the inside.

I am heart broken.


Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Grrrr

I hate when I'm having a decent day and my husband decides to come home and be an ass.... right before bed. So I can either stay up and argue with him and be exhausted at work the next day, or go to bed mad and have to deal with it again the next day.

Ggggggrrrrrrrr!

I don't have the energy for this crap.

Things that make me happy....

I may be a huge dork, but something that makes me very happy is decorating me house.  Also, cleaning it, organizing it, getting rid of things (either donating them to Goodwill or giving them to friends who can use them now that I don't need the item anymore.)

I'm constantly downsizing our junk, or finding ways to make it more organized.  

So, now that we (as in, Me, Myself and I) have painted the downstairs, we are starting to look at decorating.  Also, I have fallen in love with all items related to entertaining.  

So, we finally picked up our new table and then spent all day looking for chairs.  The husband insisted the chairs be extra comfortable.  I found two different chairs that would match the table and look great, but they were wood.  The hubs wanted something padded.  And, the chairs I liked would have had to be ordered and would have taken a week or so to arrive.  So, we paid more for chairs that were available and ended up getting them at Pier One anyway.  Either way, they look nice. 

So, this was our Ikea table.  Not a bad table, especially since we probably paid less than $100 for it.  And it has held up well, but is not very adult and is very, very small, which sucks when we have parties. And as an added bonus, The Little One had finally figured out (at three years old) that she can get up on it by jumping on the chairs, and the puppy can just walk up and grab stuff because he is taller than it is.



And this is the new table.  The puppy can't reach it, and there is no way our little one can.  Sorry, I don't have any pictures of it with chairs.  But this is the chair we bought to go with it.  Technically it's brown leather, but is so dark that is looks really lovely with the table.


Oh, and to make me happier, we finally moved the furniture back to normal so that our house looks a little more put together.  :)  And the couch is much more comfortable when it's set up correctly.

And my mom sent me some money for my birthday.... I'm debating about what to buy with it, but I'm thinking something fun for my Nook along with some books for it.  

Here are some skins I'm eyeing:






I know I'm a dork, but I just love stuff like this!  I have a skin for my Wii that makes it look like an old school Nintendo and even had the skins to make my controllers match!  :)  We'll see what I actually buy.

Sunday, May 15, 2011


Hurt that's not supposed to show
And tears that fall when no one knows
When you're trying hard to be your best
Could you be a little less

-Madonna, What it feels like for a girl.

I don't even have the energy to blog...  

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Second worst birthday ever...

Today is my birthday.  You would think that with the birthday dinner on Sunday, I would have remembered that.  But I didn't.

I didn't remember when I was up all night with the chills, willing myself to believe that I was, in fact, just not used to how warm our new comforter is.  It couldn't be that I am sick.

I didn't remember when I got out of bed and had to put a sweatshirt on just to go to the bathroom because I was so chilly, but sweaty.  Nor when I shivered through my whole shower, telling myself that I couldn't turn it up to scalding hot water because it would make me colder when I exited.

I didn't remember when I gave up, frustrated that the thermometer I bought last year seems to have already died, so I couldn't physically confirm that fact that I know I have a fever.  And I didn't remember when I called into work at 6am, having given up the good fight that a long sleeved shirt under my scrubs would be the solution.  I didn't even remember while I was blow drying my hair just enough that it wouldn't be miserable to walk the dog.

No, it wasn't until I checked my email and say all the early morning birthday wishes emailed to me from FB that I realized today is my birthday. And I am stuck at home, alone, in bed, sick.  The silver lining is that today is also the dog walkers regular day to walk, so I don't have to feel bad when I put the dogs in their kennels all day.

The reason it is my second worst birthday is that the year my husband was deployed, I actually forgot my birthday all together.  I was not on FB yet and didn't even have a celebration of any kind.  The husband was gone, so there was no dinner out or party to remind me that it was coming.  Just a phone call from my mother the day before, wishing me a happy birthday.  Which I had forgotten completely about, and didn't celebrate.

I usually love birthdays.  We throw a big party every year, I buy my husband awesome gifts.  I generally make a big deal out of it!  And, this year, I forgot about it today.  We had to cancel the party because of my surgery and, now, I'm sick.

POO on you Birthday!!!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

My resurrected Hydrangea

Hello, my name is A Girl and I am a plant serial killer.

It's sad but true.  I have been given many plants in my life and have killed them all within a few months.  The exception to this rule is my hydrangea.  When my husband deployed, my mother decided to buy my a hydrangea as our first wedding anniversary gift.  She spent a lot of money on a lovely, white, hydrangea and a huge pot.  The women at our local garden store said it would be hard to kill and gave me some tips on how to care for it etc.  I explained to her my history of murder and she said she had faith.  My husband laughed at me and told me I had to try to keep it alive long enough for him to come home and see it.

Well, I kept that plant alive for a whole YEAR!!!!  Then I left for WSU last summer.  When I left, my plant has just started to bloom.  When I came home, it was dead.  Not dying, DEAD.  The leaves were brown, as were the blooms.  They had mostly fallen off.  I did my best to bring it back, but it never bloomed again.   I gave up on it and told the hubs that he had to buy me a new plant for the pot.  I was actually very sad because I was so proud that I had kept it alive for so long!

Ever since spring hit (calendar wise, not weather wise, since spring just hit last week here, and it's not almost summer), I have been looking out the window periodically to see if my hydrangea would come back.  No such luck... That is until last week, when it suddenly had leaves again!  So, I had my husband fertilize it, water it and trim the death off.  :)

My hydrangea has been resurrected from the dead!!!!!!  :)

And, a few weeks ago, the owner of the hospital I work at gave us all plants.  She does this every year for earth day.  So, I picked rosemary.  I went into my garden store again and learned how to care for it and discovered that it can be potted with other things!  So, I purchased a few other herbs and a  pot and potted a little herb garden today.  :)

So, the big pot is my newly alive again hydrangea.  I hope it will get as big as it was last year!

And the little pot is my herb garden.  It has BBQ rosemary, blue sage, oregano, and variegated lemon thyme.  :)

Fingers crossed I can keep the herbs and hydrangea alive at the same time!!!  If I can, next year I'm going to repot the herbs in a larger pot and buy some basil to put in my little pot!  :)

Wish me luck!!!

Monday, May 9, 2011

Another up swing

I feel like I'm floating through the air, dipping and rising based on the winds.

I drop, plummet, nearly hitting the ground, then suddenly a breeze comes along and lifts me up.

So, after my drop the last few days, I'm back up in the clouds.

The hubs is trying.  Maybe not large, sweeping, romantic gestures, but effort is effort.  And, after my terrible day at work, I had two very good days at work.

Hubby took me to a very lovely birthday dinner last night and was not upset when I came home tired and wanted to go to bed.  Then, today, we started off rocky, but smoothed it all out and set about our day.  We ran some much needed errands.  One of which was going to a ton of stores trying to find a shelve for our entry way to store our dog stuff and some way to store our shoes down there without The Big Kid being able to get at them.  (his new joy is unlacing all of our shoes)  We set aside money for these items, but couldn't find anything.  Then, we went into Pier One to check out some basket thingies we saw online.  They wouldn't work for what we need them for, but they had a dinning room table on sale.  No CLEARANCE!!!

A little history:

We have a cheap Ikea dinning room table we bought when we got our first apartment.  To give you an idea, the table and four chairs as a set cost us $150.  It has served it's purpose well, but is cheap and small.  So, when we bought our house we decided that we wanted to get a new table someday.  I LOVE bar height tables.  So, we looked and looked and looked.  We went to every furniture store in the area, we went to places like Fred Meyer, we looked online.  We couldn't find anything we liked that was not outrageously expensive.  We decided on a two toned look.  Black legs with a nice wood finish.  But still couldn't find anything.

JC Penny has a lovely set that, on sale a few months ago, was $700.  Yes, that was the sale price.  Still not what we can afford.  We had all but given up hope!

So, when we walked into Pier One today to look at some baskets, the hubs noticed a very nice table that was exactly what we had been wanting and looking at for ages.  I sighed and looked at the price take.  Usually $500, marked down to $299.  We hemmed and hawed.  Still a bit pricey, but a good price.  The sales woman came to tell us about the table.  She then said that it was actually $250 because it had been marked down further.  She went to see if there were any left or if she could order it.  She couldn't, the only one left was the floor model.  We debated back and forth and she came back to tell us that her manager has agreed to give us an additional 10% off because it was a floor model!!  After tax we paid $246!!!  A solid wood, beautiful, bar height table with a hidden leaf to make it larger!!!!

I would love to post a picture, but I can't find one online.  :(

All we have to do if find chairs we like.  But even if we pay $100 per chair (which I hope we don't!!!) we will still have paid less for the set than anything we have found in the last two years!!!  I know it's a silly thing to be excited for, but I AM!!

We aren't picking it up until next week because the hubs is heading out tonight for a week long drill, but that means I have a whole week to find chairs.  :)

Saturday, May 7, 2011

The Worst Day and Night

My day at work sucked.  I was near tears by the end of it.  My assistant is gone and I'm new, which means I don't know how to do hardly anything.  I don't know how to set up or clean any of our scopes, I don't know how to clean the equipment, I don't know where anything is or anything goes, I have an assistant who has been teaching me all that.... But, really, it's all stuff she usually does because I have other things to do.

Well, she's out of town this week and they didn't schedule me any help (though I need a second person simply to be able to do my job, it requires two people).  And no one could help me.  They called in another person today because we had a procedure and she was the least helpful person ever, then, when I went to ask her if she knew how to clean the rhinoscope, she said, "Oh, yeah, I do, but I literally just clocked off."  She didn't even ask me if I needed anything else before she left!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And to make me even more frustrated, she then gave me a laundry list of things that still needed to be done.  I'm  not kidding.  This was after our patient woke up and sprayed blood all over the room (he had a rhinoscopy, which is a scope in the nose and it causes wicked nose bleeds).  Every surface, including our electronic equipment, covered in blood.  Which I go to spend an hour and a half cleaning myself.  And this is just a brief synapsis of the hell that was my day.  I didn't eat lunch until almost 4pm, and I'm off at 6pm, and I only got to eat a little because I had so much to do that I didn't have time to eat because the person who was supposed to help me just fucking clocked off with a shit ton of stuff still to do.  Everything else that could go wrong today, did.  I don't have enough space to type everything that was horrible about my work day.

Then I came home and told me husband about my horrible day and how I spent the last few hours of it willing myself not to cry.  He made dinner and I told him all I wanted to do was crawl in bed and watch TV and try to convince myself that tomorrow will not be more of the same.  He took the dog for a walk and then asked if he could go hangout with our neighbor, promising that he will sleep on the couch so he doesn't wake me up....  I should know better by now, he always stumbles in drunk and wakes me up.

So, I go to sleep at 10pm because I have to be up at 6am for work, and at 1:10am my husband stumbles in drunk and wakes up the dogs who start to bark.  He passes out on the couch while the big kid continues to whine and bark for an hour.  He finally quiets down, just to start again 10 minutes later.  At 3am, the two hour mark, I finally go downstairs and my husband is finally awake and saying that the dog is tearing apart his bed (he tore apart the cushion of it today and I found it when I got home from work).  He takes the bed out of the crate and says, "maybe if I go upstairs with you he will stop."  I tell him, "I don't fucking care what you do at this point, I have to be up for work in a few hours and this is getting ridiculous."  He comes upstairs and yet the dog continues to back.  I ask if he may need to go to the bathroom and my husband tells me that he pooped during his evening walk so that can't be it.  At 3:30am, my husband has fallen mostly asleep and the dog is still whining/barking, so guess who has to get out of bed and walk him in the middle of the night?  That's right, me.  It's always my job.

My husband gets to go out with his friends and drink and be a complete and utter ASSHOLE about everything and I get to be the responsible one who takes care of everything.  Never mind the fact that I have to be up in a few hours to work a 10+ hour shift at work.  You know, the job I do where animal lives depend on my ability to function properly.  No, that doesn't matter.  What matters is that my dick head husband gets enough sleep on the first of his three consecutive days off.

So, I walked the dog, and he pooped again (there's a big surprise).  I brought him home and went upstairs and told me husband how pissed I am that I had to walk the dog in the middle of the night when I have to be up for work in three hours and how pissed I am that it never fails that he gets to have all the fun and I have to take care of everything.  I then told him I think he is a complete ass.  He put his sleep mask back on and went to sleep and left me to go downstairs and take care of the barking dogs.  It's now 4:13am.  The dogs are finally quiet, and it's too late for me to get any semblance of sleep.  I have to be up in less than 2 hours anyway....

And I bet you $5 that tomorrow he compares this to the morning when we first got The Big Kid when he needed to potty at 5am instead of 6 like usual, so my husband made me get up to walk to the dog.  I got mad because the husband gets up at 6am for work anyway, so I was upset that he made me get up on my day off at 5am instead of just sucking it up and getting up an hour early.  I bet he says I should have had to do it because I was going to have to get up anyway... Never mind the fact that I only asked him to get up an hour early, not get only 3 hours of sleep.  But whatever,  in his mind, he does no wrong.

And all I want to do is cry.  I am not a big crier, so the fact that my work day brought me to near tears is a big deal.  My husband looked at me when I said that earlier in the evening and said, "but it's not just your work day stress today.  You have a lot going on and you just didn't need this shit to happen today." Yo would think that that means he understands...  I should know better by now.  I should know that he says that kind of stuff and it means nothing to him.  It never fails that he says stuff like that, then turns around and does what he did tonight.  Every fucking time.  Without fail.  I don't even know why I believe it anymore, except that I so what to believe him.  I want to think that he really cares about what I might be going through.  But all he cares about is himself.  I don't know why it's so hard for me to accept.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

FML... A

So, a few people have asked, "Don't you qualify for FMLA?"

No, I don't.  You have to have worked at your current job or one consecutive year.  I have only been there for one month.  I just started on April 4th.  :(  I do not qualify for FMLA per that rule.

My job is working on trying to keep me as long as possible at this point.  Fingers crossed it is at least a month.

But they did suggest I try to file disability to see if I can qualify for that.  We'll see.

Thanks for the suggestion.  :)  It's the thought that counts.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

No silver lining today....

Met with my surgeon today.  He ordered more tests before he commits to the surgery.  He also told me that my recovery/time needed off work would likely be 6-8 weeks, vs the 3-4 I was originally quoted, due to the nature of my job.

My job told me that they couldn't accommodate me either way and that they have already started looking for my replacement.  I called unemployment today and they said I don't qualify (even though I'm being laid off) because WA state requires you to be "able to work" and "available to work immediately" to qualify for benefits.  This means that I'm going to be laid off any day now and will be unable to file unemployment for it.  And I will be without income until I am fully recovered, two or so months after surgery.

Super.

Monday, May 2, 2011

A little ray of sunshine during a stormy day

I spoke to my husband... again.  I told him all the things I always tell him when he starts ignoring me.  But I added a few things this time.  I reminded him that no matter how stressed he is about my surgery, no matter how scared, or worried he is, no matter how hard he is taking it, I am taking it 100 times worse.  That seemed to wake him up.  He sat down and looked and me and said, "oh, you are," in a very sad voice.

He then took me out for dinner, and took me out again Saturday.  He said it was an early birthday dinner, just in case we can't celebrate mine in 9 days.  He took me out to breakfast on Sunday and then took me to Barnes and Nobel to buy a Nook.  I have wanted a Kindle for years, but he always said it was too expensive when I live up the street from the library where I can get books for free.  You can't argue with that logic.  But I will be laid up in bed for a while and won't be able to go to the library.  The Nook has the ability to let me "borrow" ebooks from our library system from the comfort of my own home (the Kindle doesn't).  I'm pretty happy with it so far.  Ok, I LOVE it!

And we used our tax refund to pay off another credit card!  So, I did that this weekend.  A little bit of it went towards my Nook and the hubs birthday present and the rest is in savings, patiently waiting for me to be out of work.  Things get tough, but sometimes it's nice to see the little things that can alleviate the immense stress and pressure we are under.

I'm still terrified of surgery.  I know the risks all too well.  I see it everyday at work.  I also know that I have never had good success with anesthesia type things.  I'm terrified of the pain, I scared of being stuck in bed for so long.  I'm going to miss my husband, my friends and my dogs.  I'm stressed about money.  Even if I don't lose my job, I won't be working.  We will be broke.  Who will walk the dogs?  Who will do the dishes and the laundry?

But, for the last few days I have been enamored with my Nook, and distracted by all the fun I can have with it.  I have been loving looking at my lists of debts and how long until they will be paid off and see that we are now right back on schedule after being set back by The big kid's surgery.  I'm happy to see the money in the bank account that will help keep us on that schedule when I'm not working.  And I love seeing only one credit card left to pay off.  And then it will just be my school loans.

And I love starting my week to the great news that Bin Laden is dead!  It's times like these that remind me why we military families do what we do.  Why our service men and women do what they do and why I'm so proud to be apart of it all, even in the small role that I play.  :)

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Osama Bin Ladin is Dead!

WHOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!

God bless our military and their families for the 10 year sacrifice to show the world that if you mess with the US, we will stop at nothing to bring you to justice.  NO MATTER WHAT!