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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: What is the Universe trying to tell me?

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Friday, October 7, 2011

What is the Universe trying to tell me?

The last 15 hours have been the biggest emotional roller coaster I think I've ever been on.  Seriously.

Let me start by explaining who I am- I am a planner.  I plan, I have a contingency plan, I have an additional back up plan, and then I have a plan for what to do when what I'm planning for actually works out in the long run. I do not hang my hopes high on dreams.  I do not put all my eggs in one basket, EVER.  I do NOT ever want something so badly that I'm devastated when I don't get it.

That is, until the job.  I didn't realized how badly I wanted it, until I was utterly crushed and devastated that I didn't get it.  That is not me and it's an awful feeling.

My life philosophy can be summed up by one example:  When we were looking at houses to buy, I told the our agent that I would never love a house so badly that I wouldn't be able to walk away from it.  If I make an offer on a house I "love" and they counter offer something that I deem unacceptable, then I don't buy the house.  Period.  I feel that way about most things.  Well, aside from my husband.  :)

I believe that I will have the things I want because I work for them, not because I dream of them.  I work on our finances to make our life happen.  I believe in dreaming big, but I believe you have to work to make those dreams come true.  Hanging all my hopes on a dream job is foolish.  But I did it anyway.  And I didn't even fully realized it.

So, I didn't get the job.  Within minutes, I got a phone call from my friend who was supposed to carpool with me to the conference.  She told me she didn't want to leave until the afternoon, so I would need to drive myself this AM.  Awesome, I paid for the conference and included today, but I don't really have the money to drive myself.  The hubs got a paycheck that is quite a bit less than usual this week.

Then our internet router stopped working last night.  Right in the middle of me talking to my husband about my concern about putting out the money it's going to cost me to attend my conference.  He was frustrated because I paid for the conference.  I was frustrated that he wasn't willing to hear my immediate concerns.  I told him that I didn't want to talk to him about it anymore and that I was going to bed.  He told me he wanted a divorce.

He didn't mean it.  He was mad.  And he has never handled it well when things get tough.  And he really doesn't handle things well when it involves me being sad or hurt etc.  But it was a tough situation to deal with.

I went to bed undecided if I was going to go to the conference.  I woke up and decided I would.  Finances be damned, Betty White is going to be there and I want to meet her.  :)

I got ready and tried to grab all of my last minute items that couldn't be packed ahead of time.  Like the laptop cord.  Which my husband took with him to drill and now I can't find it.  We have two, so it wouldn't be so big of a deal if he hadn't, unbeknownst to me, plugged our second one in under the couch.  I can't even figure out how he did it, but the couch is too heavy for me to move on my own and I can't reach the plug to unplug it.  I don't even know where that plug would be.  And I really don't know why it's not plugged into the surge protector that is next to the couch like everything else is.

So, I'm sitting here at 9:31am, wondering what on earth the universe is trying to tell me.  Am I supposed to stay home?  Am I supposed to wait to leave until later in the day? I should be on the road already!! If I don't leave in the next half hour, I'm going to miss the second session of classes today.  Then what?

It feels like the signs are pointing to me staying home... But then I'm out the cost of the conference, which sucks.  But then we wouldn't be facing some of the other decisions we need to make.  I don't think the conference will make or break us per se, but I worry about taking off for three days when we need to be formulating a new plan.  I don't know what to do.

Sometimes I'm dense and I need the universe to smack me up side the head with a giant neon sign pointing me in the right direction.

1 Comments:

Blogger chambanachik said...

I hope you got to go!

October 8, 2011 at 2:26 PM  

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