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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: My confidence is shot

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

My confidence is shot

I went to a job interview that seemed to go really well.  The whole time I was there it seemed awesome!

But then, on the drive home, I got anxious.  I felt like calling them and telling them that they shouldn't hire me because I probably will suck at the job.  They talked about the close knit staff and I wondered if they will like me... I immediately assumed they won't.  The person told me that they are more concerned with someone who will fit in,  skills they can teach, but not that.  I have a strong feeling they would let me go if they felt I didn't fit in.

After I put in my notice at work, it got a surprising and not so surprising response.  The docs all seemed very sad to see me go and told me what a good tech I am.  One called me a "ray of sunshine."  That was pretty great.  One told me that she felt I might be the most helpful tech there.  That was AWESOME!  And the group/clique that seems to plague the place said nothing.  They didn't even say hello to me when I showed up to work yesterday.  And only spoke to me when they had to.  I shouldn't be surprised.  And it sorta confirmed what I had known already.  But I was nice to hear from SOMEONE, that not everyone thinks I suck at my job.

A co-worker told another that I was leaving and that part of it was that I felt unwelcome and incompetent all the time... The person she told said she felt that most everyone else liked me and that she thought I was a good tech too.

It sucks because, though it's nice to hear, I just don't feel it anymore.  The time I spent at this hospital has made me question if I want to be a vet tech because I feel like I must not have been very good.

The last place I worked, I was new, it was hard because everyone had worked together for SOOOO LONG and I was the new guy that was still trying to fit in.  There were some not so nice people, which happens anywhere there is a large enough staff, but nothing too awful.  And the only reason I usually felt like I sucked was because I was still learning.  Most people did not make me feel incompetent (though one did, I was told it wasn't personal, just her personality when I talked to my supervisor about it).  I can deal with not fitting in a little (who fits in right away anyway?  Most people don't), but I would rather feel dumb because I'm learning new things, than be treated like I'm not a capable of doing my job, but never being told if I can do it better.

I'm sad I was laid off.  I'm pissed that I was told I needed surgery, only to be told I don't now.  I'm feeling down because that little thing my doc said ruined a good thing I had at my last job.  But now I feel like I probably shouldn't be a vet tech and that I should find something else to do with my life.

I have no confidence anymore.  I'm not the best tech in the world, I'm new to being licensed, but at least I used to feel like I could learn... I used to feel like I at least had the basics down.  Now, I feel like I probably don't even have those down, let alone the ability to master new skills.

I just need to take a deep breath and try again.  I'm just scared of taking a new job and letting everyone there down....  Part of me feels like at least I would know I'm letting people down if I stayed put.  :(  

1 Comments:

Blogger chambanachik said...

I've never said anything about it before, but I was a receptionist at a vet for a while (who ended up doing tech-y things like helping with surgeries, for some reason), and it was a pretty clicky place. Maybe it's the vet world. I had friends there, but I remember a new girl getting hired and people being really unkind to her. Kind of sad.

September 14, 2011 at 9:09 PM  

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