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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: Tell Me if I'm Crazy...

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Tell Me if I'm Crazy...

Four years ago, my husband was turning 25 and feeling bummed about it.  I don't really understand why, but he seemed to feel like it was some turning point in getting old.  I wanted to do something nice for him, so I planned a very expensive, very large, surprise party for him.

I bought luau themed decorations and got permission from his family to use a house they own that is on an island in the sound and is on the beach.  A group of us went over the day before (which requires riding a ferry) and decorated the house.  I borrowed tables from my parents, I purchased ferry tickets for all of our friends to make it easier for them to come, my parents bought a lot of the food as his gift and I bought a BBQ as his gift and our friends put it together.

It's not the most expensive BBQ in the world, but it's a nice one.  We transported it back to our apartment after.  This happens to be the weekend we got engaged, as well.  My husband had been planning it, but decided that any girl who was going to put that much effort into something to make him feel better, should get snatched up ASAP.  :)  Did I mention I also hired him strippers?  LOL!

Well, we have had that grill ever since.  We use it all summer long.  But he won't take care of it.  I finally cleaned it and got a cover for it when we lived at our apartment.  But he still didn't take great care of it.  Now that we own a house, it's on our deck.  It is in the elements all year long, we don't have a covered area like we did at our apartment.

Last week I got fed up with the fact that, yet again, it hadn't been covered and it has been raining off and on for weeks.  I picked a warm, sunny day, and cleaned the outside of it, shook off the cover and covered it again.  I then had a conversation with the hubs about how frustrated I am that he doesn't take care of the grill.  He waits days to clean it, which makes it impossible to get clean, and thus damages the cleaning tools, then he complains that he needs new cleaning tools... again.  Last night, we had a friend over and BBQ'd some chicken.

This is what the grill looked like this AM:

Yes, that would be water on (and in) it.  It has been raining all morning.  And yes, that would be a grill surface that hasn't been cleaned yet.  He didn't even bother to close the damn thing.  And now, the inside of the cover is all wet and dirty, again, after I cleaned all of this last week.

Am I crazy for being upset about this?

1.  He is always looking at those super fancy grills, including the ones that are built into your backyard and drooling.
2.  I bought him this grill as a gift that I thought was very thoughtful and nice.

There is no way I'm ever going to buy a new grill after he destroys this one.  And I am 100% not even willing to entertain the idea of getting some fancy grill if he won't even take care of this one.  And I'm a bit insulted that I spent a decent amount of money on this (at a time when I was working part time and we weren't married, and I was a little on the broke side) and he won't even bother to take BASIC care of it.  I had to plan months in advance and save like crazy to buy this grill and plan/pay for that party.  And this is how he treats the gift I got him.

I do feel like I have a valid reason to be pissed that this is a constant, on going problem, that we keep talking about... But am I being too sensitive?  Am I over reacting?

I would love to hear all of your thoughts.


Blogger Marine Wife Unplugged said...

Ok. Here are my thoughts. What he did was wrong, no doubt. But what is also wrong is talking about how awful he is behind his back on your blog. You're not going to help the situation like this. If my husband did this, and he has done similar things, I would just tell him that if he desires to grill, he can clean it himself. He's a man. He knows it needs to be cleaned. He's not stupid. For whatever reason, he just doesn't want to. It might, and I'm not saying it definitely is, but it might be because you are nagging him about it. That's my husbands number one complaint about me. I'm terrible. I keep working on it, and usually my "best" moments involve just keeping my mouth shut after I say what I want to say the first time, and then just letting it go. You can't help your marriage by pointing out his flaws, just like he can't if he continues to depreciate the effort you put into surprising him. I know it must hurt like crazy, but it will hurt even worse down the road by complaining about him on your blog. It's gotta get hashed out between the two of you, and if there's no grill in the future, then there's no grill. I'm pretty sure that if you knew he wouldn't take care of it, you would not have bought it in the first place. lol. I mean, why would you, right? It wouldn't make sense. I just really hope that this isn't a huge wedge between you guys. It's not worth the huge fight. It's just a grill. A nice, well planned out gift of love that you hoped would make his day - and the rest of his life. Sometimes I go out of my way to make my husband really nice food - and then he says he'd rather have a burger with mean and ketchup on it and nothing else. It's just how he works. I can choose to be totally pissed at it, or I can seek to honor God in my response and just accept that my husband does not like or show appreciation toward things the way that I do. And vice verse. We're not always what our men want us to be, either. :) I hope I haven't totally insulted you with any of this. I just wanted to be real. Marriage is hard, but not so hard it can't flourish through trials with God's help and growing in understanding of one another. :)

July 25, 2011 at 1:41 PM  
Blogger The Social Frog said...

Seems to me that you are not really mad just at the grill situation. You are not crazy but sometimes you need to let things go. Your husband is not ever going to be who you want him to be. He is who he is. I understand the expensive grill from years ago, you gave it to him as a gift. You would like for him to care for it & I get it, but since he has not all this time, I think it's about time to let it go because it is just not something big on his to-do list. Don't sweat the small stuff :)


July 25, 2011 at 3:18 PM  
Blogger Candice said...

Sometimes it's hard for me to say things to my husbands face because I will break down. I'm a HUGE cry baby. Even though I don't 100 percent agree with the woman's comments above me since this is YOUR blog and you can do what YOU want with it, try giving your husband your blog URL. He can read it and see it from a different POV almost. My husband actually found my blog without me giving him my URL and he got really upset with some things I was saying, so we just decided things I can't say to his face without me being a huge cry baby or starting a giant fight, he could read my blog and if I stated anything about him, he could come to me to start the conversation so it wasn't as harsh for me to do.

On another note, I agree with you. I would be royaly PISSED. I was just that girl with a part time job, living with my parents, basically broke. I couldn't imagine trying to save all that money to buy a grill like that for my husband and just let him ruin it. I know my husband wouldn't appriciate me ruining something he bought for me.

I don't know if this will help, or anything but with instance when Wil never helps with the house or dishes, I just leave the dishes in the sink all day when he's at work, so when he gets home, he knows he's in trouble and needs to help around the house more.

I hope I helped out at least a little bit.

July 26, 2011 at 11:51 AM  

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