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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: Well, I never!

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Well, I never!

I never, ever, in a million years thought I would ever say this... I'm sorta sad my husband is not active duty. There, it's out in the open.

Don't get me wrong, there are crappy things that come with being a reservist wife.

1. Active duty wives tend to not accept you as a milspouse. The exception to this rule has been in this wonderful blogging community. Y'all seem to accept that we are all in this life together, and you have no idea how amazing that has been for me. I know many active duty wives who look down on us. Some of the wives in my husbands unit were once active duty wives and they are the worst. They think they are so much better than the rest of us because they were active for a few years. It actually really hurts my feelings. :( I mean, we deal with the same military, and go through the same deployments... Doesn't that earn us a place at the table? Even if it is at the far end of the table? (I want to be clear. I do NOT think all active duty wives are like this. I know many who are not. But I do encounter it often. Which is too bad.)

2. Being a reservist, we do not live on or near base. The nearest base to me is the Naval base. It also means that we are not near any of the other wives from the unit. That means, no real local support. I get all my support long distance... mostly from all of you wonderful chickies. It makes deployments and separations very lonely and difficult when you have no one to relate to you or understand you.

3. We get the shaft in some of the benefits areas. It hasn't really been anything that seriously effected our lives, but sometimes it's hard. There are no scholarships for reservists wives etc. When I was going to school, I didn't qualify for anything. Things like that suck. I often feel like we get forgotten in the mix.

However, there are things I love about being reserve:

1. I don't have to move... Probably. I hate moving. My husband travels to his unit, but I don't have to. And if he changes units, it's likely it would also be close enough to drive to, or he would get an allowance to travel to it. Makes life easier sometimes.

Ok, so maybe that is really the only thing I have ever really loved about him being a reservist, but it used to be enough. The not having to move thing out weighed all other benefits of being active... until now.

So many people I have met or know are active duty. And they are all moving. Or have moved. Even many of you in the Milspouse blogger community. And everyone is having such wonderful adventures!

It's hard. I know. You have to make new friends, learn a new city, sometimes even a new language. But just think of all the amazing places you get to go when you follow your husband all over the country and all over the world! You get to see things that I can only dream about. You get to experience new things, new foods, new ways of life. I'm so jealous. I would love to live in Europe for a few years, Japan, Australia, anywhere! I would even love to live in another part of the US. No, not everywhere is great... I would not be thrilled about living at 29 Palms. A wife I know lived there for two years and hated it. But the one thing I never realized, or thought about, is that fact that all the moving, even to places you hate, make you stronger and more well rounded. You become more independent, you become more adept at meeting new people, you have to learn to be more flexible. It may be tough sometimes, but just think of what kind of person you can become from all of that living!

I would love to travel. I would love to see the world. My husband has seen the world, but I will never get to do it with him. :(

All you active duty ladies are so lucky in so many ways...


Blogger Brandee Mask said...

Pro's and con's on both I am sure. However, we are all milspouses none the less!!!!!!

March 5, 2011 at 1:01 PM  
Blogger The Social Frog said...

Have you guys thought about going active? We were actually going to get out a little over 3 years ago, we got tired of the moving and such. I am glad we decided not to because we do get to move to Japan. I used to get upset when hubby would go on deployments because he got to visit cool places even though he was working hard, and I could not relate to it. I understand where you are coming from though!


March 5, 2011 at 8:57 PM  
Blogger Just Another MilSpouse said...

You are very right about all of this. We spent a decade active duty and now he's a reservist; well, was before they reactivated him. Now I guess he's considered active but after this deployment he'll go back to a reserve status.

Anyway, I get you completely. A non military area is hard because we don't fit in with civilian wives, yet we aren't active duty and dealing with military housing issues and PCSing so the AD wives don't think we fit in with them either.

It's not even like we can be our own support because we are so spread out across the country.

Wow, I vented a bit didn't I? I guess that means I completely understand and feel the same as you. Chin up, we just need to remember that "gosh darn it, we are good enough" (in the words of Guy Smiley)

March 6, 2011 at 7:29 PM  
Blogger Amy @ Flowery Fashion said...

I'm right there with you- I sometimes wish my husband was Active Duty again too... When he was I always rolled my eyes at Reservist and National Guard wives, but here I am and now I am one. My husband is about to deploy, and I'm really sad that there's not going to be support like I've had with the Active duty deployments, and that not even close to a base. :(

March 7, 2011 at 7:09 AM  

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