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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: There is so much to say...

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

There is so much to say...

Mrs. S has a blog I love and have been following for a very long time.  Please take a moment to check her out because this blog will be related to the last two that she has posted...

First off, she posted a beautiful post about how real this war is.  She used pictures and links to a photojournalists project The Final Salute.  I don't know why, but I've been torturing myself by looking at these photo's over and over again.  I finally sent out the link in an email to people I know, asking them to look at the photos and forget their opinions for a moment to remember those who server in their honor, and those who are left behind.  

Secondly, she posted a post about this article...  Which I agree with (Mrs. S that is).  This woman is a poor excuse for a military wife.  GRRR.  That fact that she would not only live by the horrible stereotypes that plague military wives, but then go on a public forum and encourage the rest of the world to judge us all by that as well, is appalling!!!  I have met the odd, crappy milspouse, but most of them are normal human beings just trying to get by.  I don't know how many of you have read anything else by this horrible woman, but in a previously published article, in which she is attempting to make up her own, supposedly funny phobias, she includes this:

  • Military marriage-ophobia:
Those afflicted with this terrible phobia come from all walks of life, the four corners of the globe.  They profess to dearly love that guy or gal in uniform they've been going with for eons and insist that they want to get married, they really do.  And they will even go so far as setting a date and making plans for those sacred "I do's" to be exchanged. 
Then what happens? They inevitably shrink back in utter terror at the thought of formally committing themselves to a marriage constantly subject to the call of duty.  Just imagining the topsy-turvy world of married military life is enough to make them literally run for the hills.
OMG, they think, surviving lengthy periods of separation, alone. Managing somehow to courageously establish a life in strange places around the world while that spouse is off defending freedom half a world a way.  Facing the monumental challenge of birthdays and holidays and anniversaries spent alone.  Eating alone, sleeping alone?  OMG, no way!
As if the lives these military marriage phobics are now living with the ones they love in uniform is any less challenging and scary without the license and wedding rings.

Now, here is my rant:

Not only is this horrible woman spouting off about how horrible military spouses are, she is condemning those who do not do it.  Think about this for a moment.  Look at the photos of those who are suffering loss.  Then think about her article about those awful spouse who will use and abuse you.  She is saying that you will be a lonely woman with no one to talk to because every time you move, you will be moving to a new place where there is no hope you will ever make a true friend.  Then, she is condemning people who realize BEFORE they get married that they are not cut our for this life.

So, let me get this straight.  Just because I live this life and am happy.  Just because she doesn't mind moving, living apart for month if not years at a time, just because she feels she is ok with sending her husband to war zones, means that anyone who doesn't think they are not cut out for it is a bad person?  And yet, she talks absolute SHIT about the military life every chance she gets!  Oral sex pacts, horrible milspouses, these things are supposed to make someone want to be a military wife?

I love my life.  I'm proud of my husband.  I would not trade being a military wife for anything... That said, do you know how many marriages I have seen fail because the spouse couldn't handle this life?  Which would you rather have, a woman figure out during her engagement that she doesn't want this for herself, or have her get married and figure it out half way through her first deployment?  A number of men in my husbands unit received Dear John letters from their wives.  It's horrible.  So, isn't it better that this gets figured out BEFORE they get married?  Like she said, "As if the lives these military marriage phobics are now living with the ones they love in uniform is any less challenging and scary without the license and wedding rings."  Doesn't that say it all?  If you find this life that scary and challenging as a girlfriend or fiance, and you don't think you can do it, what makes you think you will suddenly wake up on the other side of that wedding day more able to deal and happier?

The photo's in The Final Salute, are haunting, yet beautiful.  And they are REAL.  That is real life.  That is the war we are fighting.  I see those pictures and my heart breaks. My heart breaks because I am lucky.  My husband has come home twice.  And, God willing, will come home again.  It doesn't change my life.  It doesn't make me any less proud.  It doesn't make me any less honored that my husband chose me to come home to.  Had I seen those photos months or days before my wedding, it would not have stopped me from marrying him.  Because I knew I could do it.  I married a man for love, his uniform just happened to come with that, but I knew I could live this life.  I DO NOT think this life is for anyone.  It is true that you never, truly know what you can handle until you are faced with no choice, but that doesn't mean military life is something everyone will love and embrace.

I do not begrudge people who know this about themselves.  Of course, I'm human and get tired of civilians bitching about missing their husband after a weekend camping trip or week long business trip, but I also have to remember that that is their reality.  I'm all for anyone and everyone being a milspouse.  I love it!  Some of the best people I know are milspouses.  But I am not arrogant enough to assume that just because I love it, everyone else will too.

Shouldn't we be happy that those people avoided heart break by figuring out early that they didn't want this life?  Shouldn't we be spreading the love to those who do want this life by showing them the wonderful people you can meet and the amazing experiences you can have?  

It's true, pictures like The Final Salute are everywhere.  But I'm happy they are.  They show people the reality we face, and why they should be more respectful.  And there will always be women like me (and all of you milies out there) that see those and know it wouldn't have changed your mind or hasn't yet.  And those are the people I want to be friends with.  Those are the strong, amazing women I know, who I look up to.  


Blogger Marine Wife Unplugged said...

Well said. But I'm sure you expected me to say that. :)

March 22, 2011 at 6:14 PM  
Blogger Turner3109 said...


That article by that hussy was ridiculous. I was actually just downright offended for myself and every other female...Mil. spouse or not.

Seems to me that is one very lonely bitter Mil Spouse if I've ever heard of one.

Now I'm going to look at the Final Salute.

March 22, 2011 at 6:49 PM  
Blogger chambanachik said...

I had to comment on that lady's stupid article, too...she is so bitter and hateful! What on earth were we supposed to have gained from reading that crap?!

March 22, 2011 at 7:22 PM  
Blogger Krystal. said...

I completely agree with you. What a wonderful post.

March 22, 2011 at 9:00 PM  
Blogger Sasha said...

love this post. Totally agree on everything

March 22, 2011 at 9:13 PM  
Blogger Mr. Superman & Mrs. S. said...

Dude. You are awesome. I really wish every MilSpouse would see her article and shame her into never writing again. She's a sorry excuse for a woman let along a MilSpouse.

March 24, 2011 at 10:07 PM  

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