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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: One more thing...

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

One more thing...

Was anyone else as offended by that woman's description about the deployment friend?  The woman who is your best friend until her husbands comes home?

Here's my take on that... When my husband was deployed for a year, I was sad, lonely, scared, worried, petrified, and unable to function sometimes.  You know what helped?  Being with friends.  People who could take my mind off of the fact that I hadn't heard from the hubs in days, if not weeks.  People who could make me laugh so I wasn't wondering if he was alive or dead.  People who reminded me that I could keep living life.  I needed to get out of my house!  I needed to go out and let life continue on, the way it should.

And you know what?  I didn't begrudge a single wife who didn't have time to grab coffee every week because her husband came home before mine!

I don't understand.  I love my friends dearly for being there for me, but I hadn't seen my husband in a year!  I was relieved to see him, in front of my face, live and in person, every day that I woke up (still feel that way a year later).  I needed to learn who he came home as, he needed to learn who I became while he was gone.  We needed to spend time together to learn to live together again.  We needed to reconnect.  Does it make me a bad person to want to, and need to do those things with my husband?  Does it make me a bad person that that means I didn't have as much time to grab coffee and see movies with my friends?  No, it makes me human.  It makes me normal.  It makes me a Military Spouse, fresh off a deployment, who has a marriage to work on.  That's what it makes me.

And who doesn't get that?  Who in this life doesn't understand the needs of a marriage and family and husband and wife who have just reunited after umpteen months apart?!  Does it mean I can't be friends with other wives because they put their marriages first?  GEESH!  Who would have the nerve to do that!!!!??

What I've gathered from this is that this woman has no friends.  And no one likes her.  I wouldn't like her.  Her definition of friends is so absurd!  She talks about how that woman who emailed her has no real friends that she grabs coffee with or sees movies with... Uhm, I don't have many of those. But what I do have is a network of women all across this country who understand me and love me (and I them).  I have wives to call across the state who will listen to me and understand me when I'm frustrated or sad.  I have friends who text me in the middle of their day because it's been a rotten one and they just need someone who will say, "that really sucks.  :( "  I get lonely.  Most of my "grab a bite to eat" friends have moved away.  But it doesn't mean I don't have "real" friends.  A friend is someone you can bridge the gap between no matter how many years or miles are between you.  A friend is someone you can call no matter what.  It doesn't matter if those friends are built into a group you participate in, people you met on base, people from school, or a random person you connected with on your blog/internet group/FB/etc.  What matters is the quality of your friendship, not the quantity of time you spend together.

This woman needs to seriously rethink her definition of friendship... Because I doubt she actually has one with anyone.

2 Comments:

Blogger Nicole Marie said...

Definitely left a comment on that article. I think that the more people we get to comment on it the better. We should all really stand against this lady. I can't believe her outrageous views are being published, and she is an "award-winning" writer. I really hope people are not taking what she is writing as the ultimate truth about Military Spouses.

March 22, 2011 at 11:25 PM  
Blogger chambanachik said...

Amen!

March 23, 2011 at 9:06 AM  

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