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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: Sigh

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Sigh

Do you ever have periods of your life where you just feel blah?

I haven't slept well in the last few weeks. Between weird injuries at work keeping me up, my husbands snoring and a weird feeling of stress, I've just been exhausted, which also means I'm grumpy, and irritable.

And it just seems like things are crappy right now... My poor min pin has me stressed. I just feel so bad for her and I feel worse that I haven't been catching her allergic reactions fast enough. Then you add in the husband...

Things are better, don't get me wrong, but there are just little things that I want to yell about! For instance, I made homemade pesto sauce. I then froze the leftovers. I took them out yesterday so that we could have pesto with noodles. He put the pesto in the fridge (which is a huge step forward for him) but did not put the lid, that was sitting right next to the container, on it before he did... So, now my fridge smells like pesto and my pesto smells like fridge. GRRR. I can't count how many times I've told him to put lids on things. Or rinse the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher... Meaning, I also spent my morning taking dishes out of the dishwasher to scrub dried food off of them so that I could finish loading the dishwasher to run it.

And if these stupid little things weren't enough, I found out yesterday that everyone at my old job is being laid off.

Here's what I never told people. I worked with monkeys at a research facility. I loved my job. I loved the monkeys, but I was working 50+ hours a week and the management was not always great. So, when I got the call, out of the blue, offering me my current job, it was hard not to think about taking it. Better money, fewer hours, closer to home, etc. So, I took it, but every now and then, I miss the monkeys. Well, I found out that two of my friends got laid off yesterday. And they were just two of seven people laid off in just one day and there are more layoffs to come this week. :( I feel really weird about it. I'm completely relieved that I have my job and that I left when I did. I'm in no danger of losing my job now. But I feel bad that I feel relieved when all of my friends are either losing their jobs or fearing losing their jobs. I guess it's like survivors guilt or something.

And to top off my bad mood, blah couple of weeks and general grumpy mood- my husbands pending deployment has been weighing on my mind. We have only gotten word that they are up for their turn soon, no official word or anything, but as the days creep on, I know we are just counting down the days until the official word comes and we do it all over again. I had such a horrible deployment last time. I feel pretty sure that it would be hard to top the horribleness, but that doesn't stop me from worrying about it all. What if he comes home injured and can't work? What if he doesn't come home at all? Will he call me to argue with me all the time again? Will I hear from him more or less often than last time? Will work keep me busy enough? Probably not. Will I have more support this time? Will more people understand? What will I do if he doesn't come home? What will I do if he comes home like he did last year? What will I do if our marriage falls apart again? What will I do if we discover that we are not strong enough to survive this life?

I haven't decided which is worse, the stress of worrying about the deployment, or the gearing up for it, or the actual deployment it's self...

I'm really hoping that some good sleep, a visit to the veterinary dermatologist/allergist, and a clean house will start to make me feel better. I'm always more stressed and more of a worry wart when I'm tired.

Sigh.

PS- Remember to ask your questions... I've hit 101 followers!

1 Comments:

Blogger Candice said...

I don't know what happened your last deployment, but I understand your worries. I'm going through my first right now and I'm a mess all the time. I feel like I never have someone to talk, and the only person that understands it the one who's deployed, and I hate talking to him about it because I don't want to add stress onto him. I'm sure it'll all be fine though. You and your husband love each other very much, and I have faith that you will work through anything.

February 2, 2011 at 11:55 AM  

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