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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: To befriend an Ex on Facebook or not, that is the question.

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Monday, January 3, 2011

To befriend an Ex on Facebook or not, that is the question.

The danger of Facebook is that anyone can find you. I did my best for almost 10 years to avoid the people I went to high school with. I did my best to distance myself. But, when the husband went to Iraq, he signed up for FB to keep in contact with people. He then asked me to so that we could easily share photo's and videos. I gave in and did it. In some ways it's been great. There were people I went to high school with, or knew from my past, that I have connected with again that I'm actually happy to hear from. As a general rule, I do not send out friend request. In the almost two years I've been on FB I can honestly say I have sent out fewer than 20 of them for my 200+ friends. But, in general, I will accept your request. I have declined a few. Mostly it's people I went to high school with that I was not actually friends with. I don't see any need for people I don't really know, and never did, to know what I'm up to.

Today, I received a friend request from someone from my past. It is the brother of my high school sweetheart. It would be sweet, but in fact, my ex was a total loser. He was a basketball star, who went to college on a scholarship. He had to have surgery and all he had to do to keep his scholarship was show up to practice (not play) until he was recovered enough to join the team again. He failed to do that. Probably because he was too busy smoking weed and cheating on me. He lost his scholarship and moved back home to sit on his brothers couch and smoke weed, only to get kicked out for not paying rent consistently. So, he moved in with his parents and repeated his behavior. A few years ago, his stepdad ran into my dad. My dad told him about my two jobs that were paying my way through college and my awesome boyfriend (now husband). The stepdad replied, "Yeah, we always knew she was too good for *****"

From what I can tell, the ex is finally graduated from college, is somewhere in Europe and is awaiting the results of is MCAT (to get into med school). Sounds like he's doing better. I have a feeling, if I accept the request of the brother, the ex request will be soon to follow. I have mixed feelings about it. I would love to be the person who holds no ill will towards people... especially if they seem to have gotten their crap together. But, it still seems weird to me to connect with/befriend my ex and his whole crazy family almost 10 years after we broke up.

My husband did not seem to have a strong opinion about this situation.

So, I ask, Are you guys friends with your ex's? Are in contact with them? Do you FB them? Do your spouses have issues with that sort of thing?


Blogger Bit of Blue Sky said...

Hi I'm a new follower, I found you over at Just Another Milspouse.

I have an ex that follows me on facebook. My husband isn't bothered by it at all, he knows there is nothing there for me. I only added him because I felt maybe he was ready to be friends. Instead, I get the occasional drunk facebook message and I just don't have the guts to unfriend him, I feel too sorry for him.

January 3, 2011 at 6:08 PM  
Blogger Mr. Superman & Mrs. S. said...

Eeehhhh. There is one I'm FB 'friends' with and I actually had forgotten about it until recently. I don't talk to him, he just added me years ago and I forgot. Cody doesn't care because he knows he's a loser but I think if the roles were reversed, I'd be pissed if Cody accepted an exes friend request.

January 3, 2011 at 8:12 PM  
Blogger kaitlin johnston said...

That's a tough one, obviously! I didn't get facebook until I went to college and I became friends with ex's when it wasn't really an issue, we had broken up for our reasons and had moved on from it. I still talk to 2 of my ex's on occassion and it does not bother my current bf at all. He knows there is nothing to worry about and it works out fine for us.

If you have no desire to reconnect with his family I'd ignore the request, but maybe they just want to see how you are doing?! Maybe patch things up and maybe you don't want to. If you want nothing to do with them, I would ignore it. If you wouldn't mind telling them how you are doing then go ahead and add them.

As the other girl commented thoguh, you could begin to get harassed and in that case you can always block them.

Hope this helps :) Good luck !

January 3, 2011 at 8:57 PM  
Blogger emiline said...

Hi my husband is currently deployed in Iraq, and we both have a facebook to keep up with one another. I am friends with one of my exes from high school, but we grew up together as family friends and have maintained a strictly platonic relationship now for 8 years. We don't communicate EVER on facebook, I guess we're just friends to see how one another's doing without actually talking.

I have made a concerted effort to avoid my college boyfriend because it was a bad breakup (we lived together and were engaged), and there is a lot of emotional baggage. My husband has not friended any of his exes, and denies that he has messaged them, etc. I think it depends on the nature of your relationship with the ex as to whether or not to friend them, and it also depends on whether or not your spouse is comfortable with it. Thanks for sharing because I think it is a common issue in marriages today!!

January 4, 2011 at 9:01 AM  
Blogger Vi said...

This is one that is all about you and your relationship with your spouse. I can honestly say I have no exes on my friends list. Honestly, as a general rule I don't even accept guys friend requests. This isn't because my husband doesn't trust me as many would think. It is out of respect to him. When he is deployed I don't want any questions in the back of his mind that may distract him. The only males I accept or send request are family.

January 6, 2011 at 8:50 AM  
Blogger cole bucci said...

I'm still friends with a few. My husband doesn't have any problem with us being on each others' FB page. I mean that was over 10 years, I'd like to think we've all grown up by then

January 6, 2011 at 5:33 PM  

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