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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: November 2010

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Funny Moments

My husband came up to me last night on the couch and began blowing on my shoulder. Kinda like he was going to give me a raspberry, but I had my shirt covering that area so it was just warm air.

Me: Did you just blow used air on me?!
Him: It was done out of love.
Me: You know how I feel about used air!
He puts his face to my shoulder and begins to suck
Me: Are you sucking back the used air?
Him: Yep!

LOL!

He is such a weirdo sometimes.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Holiday Shopping and Dane Cook

I had tickets for Dane Cook last night. The show rocked. The opening acts were hilarious and I had a blast... The only down side was that my friend who went with me insisted on texting other people the whole night, including while we were at dinner. We still had a good time, but I seriously find it rude to text/talk on the phone during dinner- Especially at a restaurant. Not to mention, it's kinda rude to text other people when have a conversation with someone else.

This AM, the hubby and I went up to base and did some good Christmas shopping. We usually go on Black Friday, but we both had to work. :) So, didn't quite get the crazy good deals, but did pretty well. We only have a few things left to buy. YEAH!

We didn't have enough money to buy the new Christmas decorations I have been wanting, but hopefully next weekend we will. No new tree this year. The one I have is a fake one that my parents bought before I was born. I'm sorta attached to it, but husband and I talked about finally buying a new one. Ours is seriously "dying". LOL!

I still have no idea what I want for Christmas, so that is sorta tough because everyone wants to know. But the husband is mostly taken care of. The little dog has developed some serious food allergies, so I have no idea what kinda treats to get her. It's silly, I know, but we usually buy her stocking stuffers that she only gets during the holidays. :) I don't know what we will give her this year.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

High School Reunion

My high school reunion is due next year. For whatever reason, someone other than our class president has taken it upon themselves to plan it. Granted, I have a huge bias against this woman because she happens to be the horrible human being that I have spoken of who I used to work for... But I have to say, she's an idiot. She recently posted a survey about our reunion to get our opinions on a page she created about our reunion. She asked things like, should we reserve a place or just "show up." Seriously. Should we have it at a pool? Should we do it in "early 2011" or "June" or a few other summer months she listed.

Let me get this straight. It's almost Dec of 2010 and we do not have a space picked out, nor a reservation, nor anyone hired, nor anything selected for our reunion and she wants to know if we should have it in early 2011 (as in just a few months)? Not to mention, we had a large senior class and there is no plan for this reunion. She also asked if we were willing to pay to attend or if we wanted to try to make it free. How would we do that?

I'm not sure if she realizes that in general, you pay per person, there is a space, decorations, a DJ, and food etc for these things. What the heck? I was already in the gray zone about attending, seeing as I generally dislike most of the people I attended high school with and the ones I did like, I can talk to on Facebook, but if this is any indication as to how my reunion is going to be, count me out!


Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Hurray for Holidays!

Well, we closed early again yesterday at work, only two of us were able to make it in, two docs and one receptionist. So, we ended up canceling all of our surgeries for the day and most of our appointments canceled or no showed.

My husband didn't get home from work until midnight the night of his accident and I got in an accident on my way to work yesterday. :( The snow has not been good to us. Luckily, my accident was very minor. My car wouldn't stop on the ice, so I slid into the back of someone, but thanks to my evasive actions, I managed to just graze their bumper. No real damage.

Work is getting better. Though, it's been an unusual week due to the crazy weather. We'll see how the rest of my week goes. I ended up having to go in for a bit today so that we would have enough staff. We had a spleenectomy that needed to be done, so it was important that we not have to reschedule it again due to lack of staff. But I got out of there just before 1pm and was able to complete all my day off stuff- like deal with the insurance company about my accident. Which has been a huge hassle. But it's all settled now.

And now all I have to do is get ready for tomorrow! Thanksgiving with some good friends... There is no way we are going to make it an hour down south in the ice and snow to see family. But our friends are pretty great. And it promises to be a great meal because the wife is an awesome cook! So excited to stuff my face until I feel sick! LOL!


HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Snow Amended

I know why the hubby hasn't called and still isn't home.

He just posted on Facebook that, while waiting for the tow truck to come get his truck, a VW bug came sliding down the hill and T-boned it. Now, he is stuck there waiting for more tow trucks and all the necessary stuff that comes with workplace accidents... And where he works? That is a lot of stuff. And what sucks even more is that, even though he wasn't at fault, this accident goes on his work record and means he will have all kinds of jackassary to deal with for a while at work and with his boss.

Did I mention that it breaks his 4 year safe driving record? 4 years without an accident and some dumbass in a bug can't figure out that his tiny little car is not likely to safely navigate a snowy hill in Seattle. UGH!


Snow

It's snowing in Seattle... And all of the surrounding areas.

I live 7 minutes from my job. It look me 40 to get home today, and I almost didn't make it. It snowed, melted, then snowed again, so everything is covered in this lovely layer of snow with ice under it. I got stuck. Managed to get to the top of the hill and could have made the left turn onto the road to get home, but I had to stop for oncoming traffic. I lost all my good momentum and just slid right back down the hill. Funnily enough, nearly missing the crappy pickup truck that had three people in the cab and one in the bed who had just done the same thing. They were never going to make it up that hill though, not enough weight in the back.

But, I waited for them to try to push the truck up the hill, fail, then move out of the way. I made sure there were no headlights headed my way, backed up and used my slow momentum to go up the hill and make my turn while praying to God that whoever might be coming around the bend is also only going 5 mph so they would see me in time to hopefully slam the breaks and spin out of control in the other direction. (I know, not a good plan, nor very good karma LOL!)

Oh the joys of snow in Seattle... It know we don't get a lot, but we have hills like you wouldn't believe! I'm all for driving in the snow when it's flat like it is in the midwest, but when everywhere you turn there is a giant, or little, or bendy, or gravely, steep hill, not so fun.

My poor husband is not home yet. Last I heard, about 20 minutes ago, he was stuck at work... I should let you all know that in his civilian life he is a driver for a major delivery company. One that ships packages all over the US and the world. His truck was stuck on a hill on his route. They are not allowed to abandon the trucks (that's a lot of peoples property and money in that thing) so he had to just sit there and wait. One of his managers managed to make it out to him and drive his helper home, but he was still sitting there. His truck is going to have to be towed. It's too icy to try to move or even to put his chains on. At this point, if he takes the break off, his truck will go right into a ditch. So, they need to tow it and get him back to the package center so he can clock off and go home... The crappy thing is that the state Department of Transportation says that if he works 12 or more hours in one day he can't work the next day. So, his manager was trying desperately to get the tow truck out there and get hubby going so he would make it back in time, to clock off in time, to be able to work tomorrow. We'll see. It's almost 9pm and I haven't heard from him.

Gotta love the hills in the Seattle area! Makes for a good paycheck, but a crappy day... And my work ended up closing early because all of our evening appointments canceled due to weather... Let's hope tomorrow goes a bit better.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Work sucks

When someone comes to you and says that they have a great job opportunity and it sounds super amazing, it's hard not to listen. When they offer good benefits, and PTO etc with a pay raise and it's closer to home, it's hard not to want to give it a try... Even when the little voice in your heart is telling you that you love your current job and that you probably won't be happy if you leave.

I don't think I like my new job. It wasn't too bad to start with... There's a learning curve right? Especially when you haven't been doing all that stuff on a regular basis. It's not too bad, it's close to home, I can drive home on my lunch and do dishes, eat for free and play with my dog. It's not too bad because I make more money, have better hours, and it's less stressful.

Well, now, it sucks. Everyone plays on their phones all day. And on Facebook. Don't get me wrong. If we are slow and there isn't a ton to do, then by all means goof off... a little bit. But last night one of the girls I work with basically did nothing but that for a good chunk of the evening... Did I mention that I was working during this time? As in, taking patients and cleaning etc. At one point, she wasn't doing anything and a vaccination appointment came in. It's simple, we take the animal, vaccinate them, then give them back, that way we don't have to charge for a full exam. I asked her to grab the vaccines while I got the patient. She said something about me getting them. I got the dog (who was crazy) and brought her back and this girl asked if I had the vaccines. I said no, I got the dog and she's crazy. She said to me (while doing nothing) "I know it's not busy now, but when it is, you should grab the vaccines and then the dog." But you just said, it's not busy, so why couldn't you grab them WHILE I was getting the dog, then we could have met in the middle and been done twice as fast? Then, tonight, she literally spent the better part of the last hour and a half of the shift playing around online. What was I doing? Cleaning, doing the closing list, medicating/taking care of patients, and dealing with client appointments. So, I was working and she was not. It's out of hand. I'm doing my best to learn the job. I'm doing my best to figure stuff out, but it sucks. I'm not allowed to do stuff because I'm still learning, but how am I supposed to learn if I'm not allowed to do stuff?

Today, I was scheduled to work at 7am. That means opening. I have never done that before. I got there, did my best to figure out what to do because the other two girls were late. One only by 10 minutes, traffic. But the other, the afore mentions girl who played online all night tonight, showed up almost an hour late. Didn't even call to tell us. WTF!? And no one cared!!!! What kind of place doesn't hold their people accountable to show up to work on time?

The job it's self isn't so bad, it just takes time re-learn, but everything else is really getting on my nerves.

But it's only my second week. How can I quit after only two weeks? I told myself I would give it until the end of the year to decide if it's worth it to stay. But, if this stuff keeps going on, I don't know if I can last that long.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Faking it

I'm good at faking it. No one ever knows if my husband and I just spend the entire car ride fighting prior to our arrival. No one at work ever knows if I hate them. No one knows if I'm having a bad day, or I'm stressed or irritated. Really, you all know because I admit it openly on my blog, but in everyday life, I smile everyday.

In fact, I 'm so good at faking it, that most people are surprised when I admit it. This weekend, a girl that I absolutely hate, loath etc showed up to ball. She is a former wife and last year was supposed to be my last year dealing with her. I put up with her crap all through my deployment. She is the only wife in the unit that boils my blood just by being in the room. I was irritated she was there and did my best to avoid her (and was successful) but had to admit at one point that I would like to punch this girl in the face. Everyone with me laughed hysterically at the thought that I would not only say that, but possibly do it. They had never heard me say anything cross about anyone, ever.

So, I'm having a hard time faking it now.

My husband and I have been seeing friends and going to ball and having meals with people like nothing is wrong, but I have hit a point where I have to admit to myself... My marriage is failing. Miserably. Quickly. We are spirally down a slippery slope. Today, I looked into legal separation.

There are a lot of issues we have. Some I have shared, most I have not. I really only share the military related issues because that is what most of my readers can relate to. I'm sure our other issues are not wholly uncommon either. But, this weekend sucked. I had a miserable time at ball. I tried to talk to him about it, got nothing, his solution was that I not attend next year. It just got worse and more and more stuff piled on our ever growing mound of crap in the time that followed. By this morning, when I asked if he was ready to go with me to run the errands I told him we had to run 100 times this weekend, he said he couldn't because his friend was going to call to hang out... I was at my breaking point.

Let me preface by saying that I asked at least three times yesterday what time his friend was going to want to get together. He never answered me. I asked if I could go to lunch with them, and he said no (which is the first time ever he has not only not offered to bring me along, but declined to let me come when I asked). I, of course, as usual, ended up having to run all the errands alone and he missed the interview with the housekeeper I want to hire (which he said he really wanted to be at) so that he could have "alone time" with his friend, whom he has hung out with ALONE almost once a week since I graduated because of my crazy work hours. In fact, I haven't seen this friend in almost three months.

He has been gone since 1pm and isn't answering his phone.

I would love to say I believe that he is in fact out with this friend, but I have my doubts. We have a not so trustworthy history, so I find the situation/excuse very suspicious.

I'd like to say that given time we can work this stuff out, but we talk until we are blue in the face every few weeks and he always says he's sorry for stuff and that it will change. Then it gets better for a few weeks, then it stops being better and the we talk about it all over again.

I'm hitting a point where it's too much. I'm tired of having the same argument. I'm tired of arguing. I'm exhausted from explaining why my feelings matter, my time matters, my schedule matters. I'm tired of trying to get him to consider me in any way shape or form in his decisions. I'm tired of putting him first and him putting him first. I'm tired of my needs not getting met and being taken for granted. It's been three years. He admitted that before the deployment he wasn't putting any effort into improving things. He claimed that he was trying when he got home, but nothing has changed.... Except that he occasionally does the dishes now- but only if it's really bad or I ask him to. And really, this is nothing new. It is not all military/deployment related. It is just our marriage and how it has been pretty much from the beginning.

We are failing at being married. And maybe it's time to admit that we are not compatible. Love is not enough to make a marriage work. It takes effort and nothing will ever get better if only one of us is putting effort into being married.

Maybe it really is time to throw in the towel, see the cause for what it is- lost- and just admit that it didn't work.

I'm just so tired of everyone thinking we are a perfect couple. I'm tired of pretending like things are going well. I'm tired of acting like I'm happy. I'm not. And I haven't been for quite some time.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Better late than never...

I worked a lot this week. It was the first week at my new job. I found out that I work four tens and boy, they weren't kidding. Though it's often slow at night, our mornings and afternoons make up for it. I've already had two emergencies come in in just four days of working...

So far, it's good. I'm having a hard time getting into the swing of things. I guess that's too be expected when I've been out of the every day clinical vet medicine field for so long. Working with monkeys if very different.

And because of that, I missed Veterans Day. My husbands boss was very nice and gave him the day off as a thank you for his service. I'm glad to know that some people in this country still care. But, as long as I'm here, I will say: THANK YOU!! to all you veterans out there. If it were not for you I would not enjoy the freedoms I so love in this country. Thank you for defending my rights. Thank you to all of those who came before. To those who stood up for the defenseless, and those who fought so that I don't have to. And to those of you who still do.

And thank you to the families. Thank you to the wives who support their husbands through deployments and general service. Thank you to the husbands who have to play mommy while their wives are over seas. Thank you to the children who love their parents and are proud of them, even when it means mommy or daddy misses their birthdays, graduations, etc etc.

I'm very proud of my husbands service and his tours. And I'm very proud of everyone, regardless of which branch, who serve along side him.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

It's official

Yesterday was my last day at work... :(

I had a hilarious goodbye feast consisting of homemade cupcakes, two kinds of cereal, homemade pickles, satsumas, rice cripsy treats and chips. LOL! I got to play with some of my favorite monkeys too. I did not, however, get to feed the monkeys Ants on a Log. I really wanted to do that before I left, but we didn't have any peanut butter.

I then went home to find that my husband had cleaned the whole house and done laundry and the dishes for me! I was stressed about having to get all my Monday stuff done on Sunday while doing all my normal Sunday stuff too. So, all we had to do was head to the scrub store and by some scrubs. And today, all I have to do is go grocery shopping... Then Monday, I start my new job. 8 am sharp. It will be so nice to not have to get up until 7am... 4:20 is such a crappy time of day to be up.

It's so sad to be leaving my job. I really loved it there and I loved the monkeys. I'm going to miss them. Hopefully, dogs and cats can keep me on my toes and as entertained as the monkeys did.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Silly, I know...

Today I got a new phone. It is the first new phone I have ever gotten that was not the free phone you get simply for renewing your contract.

Six months ago my husband and I upgraded our phones with our free upgrade. I got a crappy free phone. I love this crappy phone. It's purple and has a keyboard and is pretty easy to use... However, three months ago the screen broke... for no reason. Just stopped working. I sent it in and got a free replacement. My replacement is already not working right. It just chooses to not ring, this includes my alarm clock that is supposed to get me up in the morning for work. Ugh.

My husband lost his phone yesterday and we were told that, for some strange reason, we had two free upgrades on our account. We used our upgrades six months ago and should not have more for a year and a half, but I'm not going to argue. :) So he decided he wanted a crazy good phone. Even with our upgrade it was a bit pricey, but it's a super good phone and he deserves to have a decent phone-- he hung onto his phone for like 5 years before getting the one he lost yesterday. LOL! He needs a good phone.

So, we go to the store and he tells me he thinks I should get a new phone too. I usually don't do that unless my phone is physically unable to function at all. I opted not to. We left and he began fiddling with his phone. The girl at the T-Mobile store showed him all the cool stuff, helped him set it up and then hooked us up with awesome discounts simply for being with them for 11 years. So, after realizing I was super jealous of his cool phone, I decided to go back and get my first, super cool phone, for no good reason!

I have wanted a My Touch phone ever since they came out! And guess what, I got myself a super sweet, brand new, just came out, My Touch Slide (meaning it has a slide out keyboard, just like I like) with 4G!!!! And, I know we are super behind the times, I finally got internet on my phone! I've been dying to have that for a year! I downloaded some super fun (free) apps too! :)

And this super cool, new phone, that my husband lovingly encouraged me to treat myself to, happens to have a super cool pink gel case. LOL! The phone only comes in gray and I felt the transition from a super cool purple phone to a gray one would be too hard. And the case was only like $10.

I know it's a silly thing to get excited about. It's just a phone. But I'm usually very practical. I never treat myself to things like this. I have always wanted internet and super cool apps and crazy cool phones, but I could never justify spending that kind of money on a cell phone when a perfectly usable one was being offered for free-- even if it doesn't do anything fun. But, my husband made a good point today. My phone sucks and we are making good money now. It's finally time to allow myself to (sometimes) get nice things like a cool phone. And, the girl got us a wicked good deal on our plan. We already have unlimited minutes for super cheap. They call it the "loyalty plan" because we've been with them so long, but she also got my hubby unlimited internet/data and the same amount of text messages for only $25 a month and upgraded me to unlimited text messages and the same data plan for only $35 a month... then gave us a military discount each month. So, the money we save on our military discount completely cancels out the money we are spending on my husbands internet etc. So, really, we upgraded our phones and got the better plans but are only out $30 extra dollars a month instead of $60!!!!

It's definitely helping my funk. I know, shopping and buying myself something is not an appropriate way to get out of a funk, but... My new ring tone is Herbert the Pervert from family guy singing the ice cream truck song. How can you not be in a slightly better mood with that?

Silly, but exciting to finally have a a cool new phone!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

background

As you can see, since I'm home sick and have nothing better to do, I finally have a background again.

Weirdly enough, I went to Cutest Blog on the Block to look for something similar to what I had last time, mostly because it took me ages to get my banner right the first time and I really didn't want to have to do that again... Long story short, I found the exact background I had before. I have no idea why it's been "unavailable" for so many months. They must have changed the link or coding or something.

Either way, my background is back and my blog is complete again. Sorry it took so long.

The root of the issue

I think I have begun to narrow to the root of my issue...

I'm home sick today. Last night, I went to bed early, like 6:40pm, and slept until my alarm went off at 4:20am... I woke up feeling awful (again). I called in to work, then slept until 6:40am. I am going to stop taking the antiviral. I only have a few more days anyway.

So, sitting here, feeling crappy, I have begun to think about this funk I've been in for the last few days. I think life is coming to a head. Almost three years ago, I got married, immediately began planning for my husbands deployment (he deployed half way through our first year of marriage), started school, bought a house etc etc. Life was going and we were going along with it... But fast. We were in such a hurry to get everything taken care of because of the deployment and the uncertainty that that brings. Then my husband came home. We said, "things will get better with time..." Things will smooth out once I'm out of school, have a job, can pay down our debt, etc etc etc. But that never happened.

I graduated three months ago. I have a job. I love my job. I have paycheck, our debt is being paid down, we finally have the money to do this to the house or that fun thing we always wanted to try. But it didn't solve anything. We were both so sure that time would fix everything. That, if we just kept plugging away, eventually things would work out. But that just isn't the case.

It's true that we don't want to kill each other any more. We are both growing accustom to the people we both became in our year apart. But, things are not really getting better. Financial freedom does not make up for everything else. We are facing another deployment. We just got word that his unit is up in the rotation again, though we don't know when... And all I can think is that we still have so much left unfinished.

I grew to distrust people last time. I learned that most of my "friends" couldn't be counted on. And now, I have hardly any friends and a bitter taste in my mouth for humanity in general.

And, as much as I love my husband, we still struggle. Like the issue with ball. I tried to talk to him about last year, how hurt my feelings were and why I was not looking forward to this year. He just blew me off. He tends to do that. Last night, I was in a dead sleep, when he came busting through the door to our bedroom and yelled at me for forgetting to move my car. I come home every Saturday from work to find that he has been playing video games all day and dirtied every dish in the house but expects me to clean it up when I get home... And I work 50 hours a week at god awful hours of the morning so we never see each other, which just compounds the problem because we don't see each other enough to work on things.

It's been three months. We have been telling each other that things will get better for three months, but really, they are never going to improve if we aren't communicating. I'm going to continue to feel crappy about people until I figure out how to let go and accept that some people are just jerks in this world, and money will never solve emotional imbalances.

We kept saying we were going to talk to someone. But I had school, my husbands work won't let him take time off and so on, with so many more excuses. And now we haven't made very much progress at all. And it's our own fault. We just kept putting it off. We kept saying it would get better with time, on it's own. And now, it's been a year since he came home, and I'm feeling miserable about the lack of progress. I'm feeling crappy about people and we have not worked on any of our issues.

And to make me hate people even more, so many other wives are saying how great things are for them now. So many just jumped right back into life like nothing happened. And I can't help but wonder what they did that was so different than us. What is the secret to finding that perfect balance after a deployment that brings you together again? And why did my husband and I never get told about it?

Monday, November 1, 2010

One of those days...

By all accounts things are going well in my life. I start a new job next week, we've paid down our debt considerably and will be debt free (aside from the house and my school loans) in seven months. My dog is doing well, her chronic ear infections are cleared up and her new diet seems to be working. My husband is doing well... But, today, I woke up hating the world.

Ball is coming up and I'm not looking forward to it at all. Last year my husband made a few rude comments and it's been bugging me ever since. After just a few drinks he accused me of being drunk, which I wasn't, and insinuated that I was embarrassing him. It's possible he was drunk at the time, but it really hurt my feelings. Now, the one night a year I drink is probably going to be a bust. Most of the wives I know are not going, so I won't have anyone to hang out with and I'll most likely be sober to prevent more rude comments from my husband. I tried to talk to him about it the other day, but he just brushed it off.

I feel crappy about leaving my job and I can't sleep at night. Last night I was having nightmares that my new job had given me the craziest, crappiest schedule and that they had scheduled me to work the weekend of ball. It's like that all the time. I had a dream the other night that my husband was in the mob and my father in law put a hit out on me for being unfaithful--- but I hadn't been, so I was trying to convince everyone that the hit was unjustified.... Every night it's something, so I'm exhausted all the time. Not to mention the antiviral drugs are making me feel horribly sick.

Though all of that may sound like a good reason to be feeling grumpy, it doesn't justify my hatred of people today. Luckily I have not had to interact too much with anyone, but I just want to tell the world to F-Off. For the last three days I have been plagued with weird recollections of things people have done to piss me off. I don't know why. I will just be minding my own business when I get a flash of something. Most of it is stuff that I was justifiably upset about but really should be over by now... Most of it is just stuff that reminds me that people really suck sometimes. But, honestly, should I still be bugged by something that happened months ago? Between myself and someone that I don't have cause to speak to anymore? About stuff that is super minor in the grand scheme of life? No. It's stupid. I'm being stupid.

I'm just so irritated by life right now. I guess we all have those days. I'm really glad it's not happening on a day I have to work. I would feel horrible if I was irritable with people I work with who have done no wrong to me.

I just hate life right now. I guess I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. My husband told me he would buy me some candy today, that usually cheers me up. Hopefully, a few pieces of candy and an early bed time will make me feel better about the world tomorrow.

hohum