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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: June 2010

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Arrived

I arrived in Pullman yesterday to find out that I did not, in fact, need my coveralls on Monday, so it was completely unnecessary to wake up at 5:30am to drive 5 hours, to make it to the bookstore before they closed. :(

I ran some errands with my hubby, we ate something, and ran some more errands. We then decided to explore the town and campus. Here's what I learned:

1. WSU is a major university.
2. It is incredibly tiny
3. Pullman consists of the WSU campus and a few stores and that is about it.
4. It has one of the smallest "big" movie theaters I have ever seen.
5. There are more bars than people
6. I'm going to spend the next six weeks incredibly bored

On the bright side, my living arrangements are about two minutes from where I will be working. I have a fridge in my room and I'm pretty sure I will get a long enough lunch to get fresh made ice cream from the schools dairy everyday.

On the down side... I'm living in an empty frat house and boys may be the most disgusting people on earth. I'm going to have to buy bleach and really scrub next weekend.

Oh, well. I'm going to be learning so much at WSU. I'm hoping that balances out the fact that about 90% of Pullmans population only lives here during the school year, which doesn't start until after I leave. It's a ghost town.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Aced it!

I got 100% on my final yesterday! So excited!

We all went out for drinks afterward to celebrate being done with school! It was awesome. And I came home to a clean house and all my laundry done! Which means I have that much less to do today to prepare for leaving tomorrow! What a good husband!

Now, I just have to shop and pack and head off to WSU!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

WHOOHOOO

I aced my final today... Literally! I got my first A (94%) on a final from this one particularly tough teacher! In her hardest class! It means that I kept my 4.0!

All I have to do now is take my last final tomorrow. I only need an 80% to get an A and I'm pretty sure I can do that. LOL. I'm going to be studying all day, but I'm confident that I will be fine.


WHOOOHOOO!

YEAH!

My dream job called yesterday and offered me an interview!!!!!!!

They even said they were willing to work around the fact that I leave for WSU on Saturday if they want to progress with my application!

I'm so excited!

However, my interview is tomorrow, the same day as my last final and I am super nervous because it's a panel interview. YIKES!

Wish me luck!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Feeling Pretty Good!

I think I aced my test yesterday. And I only need an 85% on my final to maintain my 4.0. Now, that is not an easy task. I have a wide range of grades I have received on my teachers finals. 83% was the lowest-- at my school that is a C. Highest in her class was a 92%. That is one percent below an A. I have a shot at it, but I'm not holding my breath. We'll just have to see.

But I found a place to live at WSU, did well on my test, and my house was cleaned by my husband yesterday.

To makes life even sweeter, my husband is officially reenlisted and decided to take a bonus for it. It's not a big one, but we will be able to completely pay off my parents, put extra on the credit cards and have enough left over to buy our new puppy! It will cut a year off our debt repayment plan! So instead of being out of debt in just under four years it will be just under three! If that wasn't sweet enough news, if I can get a job, we can be debt free even sooner!

Life is still stressful. I'm still staring down finals week. I still have to go to WSU, and I'm super nervous about that, but I'm feeling pretty good about things today.

And I have all weekend to study for finals. I think I just might pull this off!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Be happy

I'm working on being happy and not getting down on myself.

I made some stupid mistakes on a test on Monday. I forgot basic info on a test yesterday. I don't think either test will ruin my grade, but it's hard to accept that studying doesn't always mean you will get 100%. That's the over achiever in me that feels that way.

I'm going to be happy though. Even if I don't have a 4.0. Even if I don't have a place to live at WSU. Even if I don't hear back from that job. I will be happy.

The stress is overwhelming. Not having a place to live, while facing finals, while worrying about my grade is a bit much to handle at times. Holy cow, just writing it makes me feel overwhelmed. But it will all work out in the end if you just trust the basic ebb and flow of life. I know I will not always understand why hardships happen in the moment. But from each hardship and stress, we learn. I may feel like crying right now, but in 7 weeks, I will be graduated and I'm sure I will have learned some very important life lessons in the mean time.

I will find a place to live... It will work out. My stress will go away. It is temporary and in the mean time, I will be happy.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

no roommate

The person who was going to sublet their apartment to me at WSU emailed last night and said she changed her mind.

I leave in 11 days and have no where to live.

AWESOME! :(

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Hilarious husbands

My husband got home from drill today.

We have an 8 inch tall, 4.5 lb miniature pincher. She likes to sit between us when we cuddle and prevent my husband from kissing me because she is jealous.

Tonight, I was cuddled up with my husband and he said, "Make out with me." To which I replied, "move the dog." He picked her up in one hand and then turned her to face us and said, "Let her watch," in an uber creepy, child molester type voice. Then he insisted that I kiss him repeatedly while our little dog was facing us. LOL! She doesn't like to watch that, so she averted her eyes... That made it considerably less creepy. LOL!

My husband is so weird. I guess that means it's always interesting at our house... And the crazy thing is, I married him on purpose!

Looking on the bright side

When things get tough I like to remind myself of good moments that have been recent. School is killing me. So here's some things that make me feel ok about it:

1. Everyone failed our first test in Lab Procedures. I, however, got 100%! I may not be acing the class, but that is pretty good.

2. After my surgery practicum, I mentioned to my supervising technician that the doctor didn't ask me any questions-- she usually pesters you with them and makes them increasingly harder as she goes. The tech told me that she had asked the doctor about that very thing and the doctor (who is my program director) told her that she couldn't think of anything I wouldn't be able to answer, so she didn't bother. I'm very proud of that. It means I'm doing something right at school.

3. I may lose my 4.0, but I'm pretty close to having the highest GPA in the program. Even if I get a B in one class. That is really impressive, I think.

4. The other day, my teacher asked us a question in class and waited for us to answer. Everyone was silent. I blurted out the answer and was right. That doesn't happen everyday. She asks us some really tough questions.

5. In two weeks I will be leaving for WSU to have one of the most amazing experiences of my life... all thanks to my school and my hard work.

6. My husbands loves me, regardless of my GPA. -- Ok, so that is not wholly school related, but it still makes me feel pretty good about things. :)

I just have to survive two more weeks of class... That translates into 8 more days of actual school!

Saturday, June 12, 2010

So Angry

Please read this post from A Day in This Army Wife's Life.

Just to forewarn you, I agree with everything she said and I'm going to go on a little rant here. You don't have to read it, if you don't want to.

I'm outraged! Not only is it sad to me that so few people were willing to give up their seats to for the family of a fallen Marine, but how dare people leave comments like that.

This is what I have to say:

I love my husband. I married a man, not a uniform. However, the uniform came with it. I stand proud next to him when he serves. But it's hard. This life sucks sometimes. But I did choose it. I made an educated decision to marry a Marine. I chose a life that many could not live. And that deserves some respect. I take no issue with women who know that they couldn't handle military life. But respect what we go through.

My husband is a defender of freedom. Not just American freedoms either. However, his primary job is to keep Americans safe and protecting their rights.

My husband is willing to lay his life on the line so that A-holes like that can enjoy their freedom of speech and say jerk things to people. He is defending their right to be a dick. (pardon my french)

During my deployment I was always so shocked at how callous people were to me. So disrespectful. You would think that I'd be used to it. But I just don't think I will ever get used to people being disrespectful about our military. My husband, and all the men and women who serve, fight wars abroad so that they stay abroad! They fight wars so that 99.9% of this country doesn't have to. Doesn't that deserve some respect?

And those of us they leave behind... I'm not asking for a parade or a thank you, but how about respect and dignity. We are asked to make the ultimate sacrifice. We are asked to live without our loved ones, and to send them off to war, not knowing if we will ever see them alive again. That kind of life deserves some respect in my opinion.

How can people be so mean? So rude? So disrespectful? Does no one in this world appreciate our military anymore?

Optimism

Merriam-Webster defines optimism as "the doctrine that this world is the best possible world."

I would generally say that I am an optimistic person. However, this weekend is really putting that to the test.

Yesterday, I found out that one of my doctors, that I see regularly, is not a preferred provider and I am expected to pay $87 out of pocket, per visit. I now have a $300 bill from him because I didn't know this. And I'm pretty sure I will have to stop seeing him, after two plus years.

My insurance company sent me a letter saying that they are not going to pay any of my bills because they think I have a primary insurance that should be paying it. I don't. The insurance they are claiming I have is from 5 years ago when I was still covered under my father. I don't even know where they would have gotten that information. I called and got a letter from Blue Cross saying that I am not covered. They are also claiming that I have Medco. That is prescription coverage not medical. I emailed Medco and they emailed me back today saying that they refused to write the letter because I am no longer insured with them. So, I have no medical insurance. Sweet.

My husband called about the issue and they told him a totally different company. They told him that I had Aetna... which is my former dental insurance. So, now, I have to call them and try to get a letter.

To make matters worse, my husband got a rejection letter from the job he applied to. The interview process had seemed like it was going really well too. We thought he had it. We are both super bummed.

I never heard back from the job I applied to, so I'm assuming I probably won't. It's been a week. So, I'm bummed about that.

And to make it even worse, I have three tests in three days next week. Mon, Tue, and Wend. I have no idea how I can study for all of that. :(

I'm hanging onto my optimism with a thread. Things can't be bad forever. And all of this will work out. I will get my health insurance back. And our bills will be paid. I hope.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Lesson of the Day

One thing I love about life is that I'm continually learning.

Here's what I learned yesterday:

1. No matter how hard you study, no matter how good your tract record, no matter how long you've been in school... At least one time in your life you will sit down for a test and your mind will go completely blank.

Yep! I studied all day for a test, I thought I knew the info, and I sat down and looked at my test and couldn't even come up with simple answers. Example: Name two test that test for thyroid function. How about "thyroid function test." That would have been a good answer. You can to a T-4 or T-3. Both are "thyroid function tests." I couldn't even come up with that. Seriously. It was painful. I wanted to cry.

2. Sometimes crying does you no good. You need to pick yourself up and move on.

I wanted to sit in the classroom and cry about my test. But the reality is, it's just one test. True, it's the second test I have bombed this sequence, but it's not the end of the world.

3. A 4.0 is not the end all, be all of my existence.

I have been working toward my 4.0 for 8 sequences now. I am so close to having it. All I have to do it ace these last two classes. But I'm pretty sure, after my test yesterday, that it's not going to happen... And that is ok. It's not because I didn't try. My life will not end. And it won't matter in the rest of my life if I had a 4.0 for school. Who cares?

4. In spite of what I have told myself, my husband is not disappointed in me.

For some odd reason, I felt that I had to do well in school for my husband. He was so nice as to say that I didn't have to work while going to school. He supports me emotionally and financially. I don't know why, but I felt that that meant that I had to do well in school to prove to him that he made the right decision. That is not in fact the case. He is not disappointed in my having bombed a second test. He said, "it happens to everyone." And he's right. We all have at least one moment in life when we should know the answer and we don't. It makes me human, not stupid.

It sucks to learn these life lessons two weeks before the end of class, when I was so close to having my 4.0. But I think they are lessons I needed to learn. Life moves on.

I heard a great quote today : Stress is believing that your present circumstances will be your future existence.

That is pretty true sometimes. So, I'm moving on. How I do in school is not the beginning or end of the world. It is a temporary circumstance that I will finish in 8 weeks and be done with. Then I will be out in the world. It will be ok.


Saturday, June 5, 2010

Job hunting

I sent my resume off to my dream job today. They just so happen to be hiring.

Please send some good thoughts and prayers my way that they want to interview me.

I have an in at the company... But all it gets me is a second glance at my resume.

I really want this job.

Anything will help.


Thanks!

Purpose


You say I must be nuts
To know how hard it was
And to know the sleepless, painful nights
While trying to hold a house together.
You sometimes say
That it can't be done
But you know I won't believe you.
You know I'll call you sobbing some times
And I'll tell myself I hate it.
I'll question my faith,
I'll question yours,
And I'll question faith itself.
And yet
I want that life.
I want the strong character
That comes by way of suffering
I want that strength that comes
From walking in the shadows.
Toward unseen promises
And intense dreams,
Toward broken men
And more devastating things.
I know I'll smile when the job is done.
Each job that comes, that is.
I know God's with us.
And though my vanity draws me close
To hopes of distances separate,
Toward chivalry and romantic letters,
Five minute phone calls twice a month,
And times zones full of hurt,
And soldiers full of anguish,
The want, and the need,
And the "I have to do this'
Sink in.
It's not a game.
It's not a hobby.
It's not pleasant.
But it must be done.
The call must be answered
And the brave must go on.
I have an ache in my heart that won't go away
Because I feel God's called us back to that life.
"In His time," I'll keep telling myself.
I'll enjoy what days we have to prepare for the future.


This poem was written by a fellow Marine wife. Her blog is wonderful. Check it out her at Marine Wife Unplugged

She was gracious enough to allow me to share this with you. Amazing, isn't it? It really hit home for me.


ralph w. sockman- Nothing is so strong as gentleness, and nothing is so gentle as real strength.

Friday, June 4, 2010

HMMM...

So, I've been bad. Really, really, really bad. Because of school I have not been able to read very many blogs. :( I know, it's sucks. I used to be really good about it. I used to keep on top of everyone. And every time I got a new follower, I would follow their blog too. I have too many followers now. I can't keep up. So, now, I go with people who comment... Assuming it's nice comment.

Anyhoo, my reason for this random blog, when I usually only post a few times a week, and I already posted today, is this:

I sat down and read some blogs today. I found a number of blogs I used to follow, and new ones that I just started following, talking about deployments, home comings and readjustment.

I realized that I have hardly talked about it at all lately. It is not that it has left my life or my mind, it's that I've been so busy with school that I haven't had time to continue processing our deployment. I feel like it's all going to hit me when I graduate. I can feel it brewing in the back of my mind. I never did really think about or process or get over any of the bad things that happened to me during my deployment. I still get all fired up -- for no reason at all-- over that "friend" who fired me the day my husband left. Her words, how can I understand what you are going through when my husband is home, still replay in my mind. I'll just be standing in the shower and it will hit me. And that day will replay in my mind over and over again until I think I'm going to go crazy.

I watched my husband load the bus with his fellow Marines. They said they were leaving about a dozen times before it actually happened... Which means I had to say a tearful goodbye to my husband at least a dozen times. It was horrible. Over and over again, we hugged and said goodbye. It was almost a relief when they finally boarded the bus. I didn't think I could take another false goodbye. Then I waved to him, he waved to me, through the tinted glass, and he was gone. I had no idea if I would ever see him again. I drove home sobbing and tried to call a friend for comfort, but my cell phone died.

When I got home, I knew I could not do anything. I couldn't function. So, I emailed my "friend" and told her that I could not call those eight people she asked me to. I just couldn't handle anything else in my life. It was bad enough I had to go back to school the next day and take three make up tests. To which she got pissy and fired me... and told me that she didn't understand why I couldn't make the calls. I tried to explain. I asked her to understand what it was like to send your husband off to war, to which she replied, "how could I." Some friend... It's called empathy and apparently you lack it!

I had someone say, "Your husband signed up for it, so whatever happens to him over there is his own fault." Really? I'm so glad my husband is willing to die to protect your right to be an asshole. (pardon my french)

I really had a horrible deployment. My friends and family bailed. I had no help, no support, nothing. People were mean, no one wanted to understand. No one even tried. My husband and I fought through the whole thing. I later found out that that is not abnormal... But at the time, it felt like we were the only ones in the world who were fighting during a deployment. We spend most of our precious phone time arguing-- about everything. From my housekeeper not having a key to the house (my husband didn't trust her with one), to what we were going to do with the money I had saved. We fought about him staying on base after he got home, instead of coming home to me. He only called home ever 5-10 days, for 15 minutes at a time and all we did was fight. It was just a horrible experience.

Then he came home. We continued to fight like cats and dogs. I went back to school shortly after he came home... but he was living on base, not at home, so we never saw each other. Which just meant that when we did, we spent all our time fighting. But school was like a band aid. It just sorta covered the crack in our crazy, broken life and has held it together... But it means that we haven't had time to fix that crack. We are doing better. We communicate better than before, we work out compromises better, but there is the big elephant in the room that neither of us are dealing with. I worry that it will all come crashing down when I graduate and we have nothing to focus on but us.

So much for not really thinking about the deployment... HHMMM. It will be interesting when I am done with school.

Good Karma continues!

So, I have a number of medications I take for various reasons... I just recently switched from Tricare back to my civilian insurance. My civilian insurance wanted $35 for a month supply of one of them and over $50 for another! However, two of my generic ones were free... Go figure.

I haven't had time to go to the pharmacy to pick up any of my drugs and had asked my husband to, but he forgot. I told him I would do it Wend. Yet again, he failed to listen to me and he went to go get them. It's probably the first time I was ever glad that he didn't listen to me. LOL! He had the pharmacy check to see if our military health insurance was still valid and it was! I got all of my meds for $12! That is one thing I'm going to miss about Tricare. I hated it most of the time, so much red tape! You can browse my previous posts to see all the trouble they have caused me when I was just trying to see my doctor! But I will miss free healthcare and cheap prescriptions.

I also got my mid-sequence reports from school. I'm not failing anything! I'm actually doing really well, in spite of the fact that I'm really struggling with the material. And my tutoring is going really well. I'm still really stressed... I have a crap load of homework to do. But I'm getting it done slowly but surely.

Three weeks to go! And I will be off to my next adventure!

I'm going to end this post with one of my favorite quotes from Thomas Paine (he has the best quotes): To argue with a person who has renounces the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead

I am reminded of this by a couple people I go to school with. LOL. It's a good things I'm really good at feigning interest and keeping my mouth shut when people are just plain ridiculous! :)

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Any takers?

I was just wondering if anyone would be interested and/or willing to take my test on the lymphatic and immune systems today?

It would really help me out. :)

Thanks!

I must have good karam

I exhausted on Sunday and Monday. I needed to prep for a test and do homework... Neither of which I got done. I did get all my reading done though.

I just didn't feel good, my tonsils were swollen, I was sneezing and had a runny nose--- allergy season at it's best. We are having one of the worst allergy seasons in years here in Seattle. So, I was worthless all weekend.

I decided to wing it. It meant I would probably do poorly on my test on Thursday, but you gotta do what you gotta do when you don't feel good. Well, I emailed my teacher about my difficulty making an outline from our incoherent chapters. She emailed me a good review guideline and then said, "I'm thinking we will move our tests to Tuesday. It's just too hard to present new material on Tuesday and test you on Thursday, it doesn't give you time to study."

So, she did, she moved our tests to Tuesday. So, no test on Thursday to fail! I'm going with a major karmic credit that I have going from all the help I have given others and all the study guides I have made and then handed out to the class.

Holy Cow! I'm the luckiest person in the world... A whole weekend spent playing Lego Indiana Jones 2 and partying and this is how I get rewarded!

Oh, and I think the stale beer smell is finally starting to dissipate out of my entryway.