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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: Steamed

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Thursday, August 12, 2010


A "not really a friend of mine" friend on Facebook made a really racist comment the other day.

She said she was pronouncing something like "a retarded China-man." I simply commented that that was a rather derogatory thing to say. She replied, jokingly, that her french ancestors wouldn't have it with her pronunciation of a french word. I replied, that the asian american in me takes little consolation in that.

She said that she suffers from a mental disability and thinks that retarded is also derogatory, but that "she takes consolation in the fact that, at least she has a sense of humor."

I replied that I also have a mental disability (I'm severely bipolar) and that I didn't realized that they gave me leave to be a racist. I also clarified for her that being ethnic or having a disability (of any kind) does not give you the ok to use derogatory and racist remarks.

She told me to "go fuck myself and the high horse I rode in on." Among other things.

What gets me (don't worry, I had already de-friended her by the time she got nasty with me) is that a few months ago she got all upset that Family Guy had done an episode on animal testing during which they made a joke that made light of animal testing. I am not, personally, against animal testing but this girl is a major animal rights activist. She was deeply offending by a CARTOON that was very obviously going over the top. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion about what offends them, but I don't understand how she can be so deeply offended by something like that, but not care that I'm offending at her using such a horribly racist term.

What makes people think that it's ok to say racist things as long as they are "joking?" And more over, even if you don't think what you said was offensive, isn't the appropriate response to someone being offending by it, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you?" And more over, she actually wrote that she was going to say "retarded asia" but felt that that was more offensive then China-man. And she was aghast that I wasn't more offended by her use of retarded.

What is this world coming to? What is wrong with people?

Now, I usually don't use Facebook as a forum to voice my opinions, but I was irritated and my husband got me all riled up and encouraged me to fire back at her... He's very good at that. I positively hate confrontation and I should have taken a deep breath, let it go and just de-friended her without ever saying anything. Now, I'm going to ruminate on this for days. GRRR.

I just don't understand how I'm being "high and mighty" about using racial slurs, but she's not high and mighty when every post on her Facebook is about how animal testing is wrong and anyone who doesn't used cruelty free products is a bad person. I freely admit that I'm offending by somethings and not others. I also admit that I can be hypocritical at times, who can't. But at least I can see when I am being hypocritical and admit I am wrong. And if I offend someone, even when I don't think I'm being offensive, I apologize.

How on earth can I let this go! I know it's going to bother me. UGH! This is why I don't get into confrontations with people.

I made my husband promise to not let me do stuff like that again. It's not really his fault. He loves to confront people and call them out and all of that. He just doesn't always remember that I don't and things like this bother me and stick with me.

I wasn't trying to be a bitch to this girl, I was just trying to remind her that there is not really ever a good excuse to use racial slurs.

Maybe I'm wrong about that, but it doesn't feel like I am. :(


Blogger Mrs. Sykes said...

Ok please don't take this the wrong way it's just my opinion.

You shouldn't let her comments get to you. I guarantee she is over it and you are going to harvest that frustration for a while for no reason. People are all very different. Some people find humor in racist or derogatory comments. Check out comedy central and I promise you every other sentence will offend you if you let it. I don't know if you are asian or not but as for the word retard offending you when you have bipolar that is a stretch. My brother is mentally retarded and I promise you bipolar isn't even in the same category. The word retard means slow not that something is wrong with your brain. Being bipolar doesn't make you retarded and you shouldn't think that way anyways.

Having said that, my brother being mentally retarded gives me a damn good reason to be offended by people using the word retard in a negative or funny way but I don't let it bother me. It's like saying something is gay and having it offend someone who is homosexual. There are words and sayings out there that aren't going anywhere anytime soon. Yes, it may be offensive but letting something offend you is a choice. If you aren't normally someone to be confrontational then you shouldn't have a hard time letting little things slide.

Now if someone says something directly to you, as in if she said that directly to you then you have a right to be upset. But she didn't.

Ok this is way too long and really I just wanted to let you know that you layout background has disappeared lol. But I hope that you can understand what I am saying and not let things like this bother you unless they are a direct attack at you.

August 12, 2010 at 3:46 PM  
Blogger Mr. Superman & Mrs. S. said...

You're not wrong. That is absolutely ridiculous. I would've not been able to hold myself back but I'm glad you did speak up. That is seriously messed up.

August 12, 2010 at 5:43 PM  
Blogger Marine Wife Unplugged said...

I had to laugh when you mentioned that your husband provoked you to fire back.

I have the SAME feelings towards firing back at people and usually don't want to take the leap. It's not comfortable. My husband, being a Marine, has brought me out of my shell. I just want to say that it's amazing, empowering, freeing, and causes me to really think about my personal convictions. You have to really believe what you believe is really real in order to be bold enough to confront others. (That was quite an awkward sentence.)

All this is to say that I'm glad you said what you said and you (or your husband) made some very good points. I think I would have said the same thing, though I might have battled between saying the nasty things in a private message instead of for the world to see. I don't know. That's totally a situational call. I think you did right. Yea, we're all hypocrites at times. We're nasty humans.

I hope you consider letting your husband lead you out of your comfort zone in the future. It's really helpful to be able to talk to anyone about anything at any time and believe in what you say. Standing up for truth is ALWAYS worth it. Always. :)

August 18, 2010 at 12:30 AM  

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