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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: School sucks and people suck

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

School sucks and people suck

I'm going to whine for a minute... or two.

School is great. I love what I'm learning and the best part is, I'm almost done. However, I hate it now.

When I started, I had transfered to night classes from the morning class, so it was ok that I didn't have friends, I didn't know anyone. Then I met my study partner and had her for two sequences. It was great. Then she graduated. Now, I'm alone again.

My class is very clique-y. Everyone is in a clique. I'm not that kind of person. I didn't go into school thinking I was going to make life long friends, but it's nice to have them. I get along with everyone. That being said, I can get along with anyone, even people I hate. So, it's not saying much to say that. Most people I think are fine. I have a few people in class that I can't stand for various reasons, but it doesn't stop me from being nice to them or talking to them.

To tell you the truth, it's hard for me for a lot of reasons. One: I generally don't like people. It's not to say I'm mean, but I just sorta think people suck. It's from years of working in customer service. Two: I have never been good at making friends, so I tend to keep to myself. I'm working on that, but it's hard to break that. Three: I don't like cliques. That excludes me from being friends with pretty much everyone in class. Four: I have the highest GPA in class. I don't announce this to everyone, I keep it to myself, but the truth is, everyone has figured out that I'm a good student. It seems to be the rule of the jungle to alienate the smartest kid in class. I know people resent me, they don't even try to hide it... yet, if they need help or couldn't find an answer for something, they all come running to me. Which takes me back to reason One. I hate people. I know when I'm being used. Ignore me until you need something... Sucky.

The problem is, I've been dealing with this for 5 and a half weeks now. And it's starting to wear me down. I'm starting to not like people in class for the simple reason that they don't include me. It's stupid. These are not people that I would normally be friends with. These are not people that are going to be life long friends, but I resent them for not being friends with me and not including me. And I'm growing to dislike them.

I shouldn't let it get to me. It shouldn't matter that I'm not in a clique of people. I have people to talk to. No one is mean to me, the just don't include me. (though, they do some times do things that show they don't like how good a student I am.) It really shouldn't matter... I'm almost done. It just sucks to not really have friends at the place you spend most of your time.

Sometimes, things like this make me worry that I am not meant to have friends. I don't have many to begin with. And I'm pretty sure it must be something about me... Why else would I not be able to make friends. There is something unfriendable about me.

It just sucks.

2 Comments:

Blogger Lindsey said...

I know exactly what you mean about the cliques in school. Nursing School is the same. I have the same problem as you, I'm not outgoing so I don't just walk up to people and say "hey". Plus, most of the girls get together for study groups at a coffee shop where they chat about many other things besides studies. Being a mom to a deployed husband doesn't leave me much time to go "study" with the girls. This just reinforces the cliques and pushes me further outside of the circle. SOoooooo, I know what you mean, and I can totally feel your pain and frustration. If we were in the same school... I'd be your friend. We could be loners together, lol.

April 28, 2010 at 5:54 PM  
Blogger Margaret said...

I always thought that in college you'd get past the cliques and what not, but it seems even worse then. I remember feeling like I had to be everyones friend and make everyone happy. I wore myself thin and in the end realized that despite all these "Friends" I had, only a handful were real friends. And I learned that I only needed about 5 friends to be happy and content.

I no longer go out of my way to befriend people. If I become friends with someone I become friends with them. If not so be it. I'm sorry people are resenting you for being intelligent. That is frustrating and I'd be annoyed by it too. I hope though it will get better.

April 29, 2010 at 3:08 AM  

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