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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: August 2009

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Monday, August 31, 2009

I broke down...

I still haven't gone grocery shopping, though I really want to.  I told my husband that I was thinking of giving up and he told me not to.  He really encouraged me to stick with it.

The problem is this:  All I have left is soft food.  Mostly noodles of varying types.  Some soup, pancakes, mashed potatoes... You see the problem.  I needed texture.  So I broke down and bought a box of crackers.  I'm trying to tell myself that it is not failure. 

I used my own pocket money, I didn't used the grocery fund.  I was actually on my way to treat myself to some frozen yogurt (also out of my pocket money).  But the place wasn't open yet, I had ten minutes to kill.  It's right next to the grocery store, so I caved.  It was just too much temptation.  

No, I didn't go buy a ton of food, but part of me feels guilty that I bought the crackers.  Not guilty enough to take them back or not eat them.  They are delicious.  But, I did sorta break the rules.  But hey, that woman on CNN.com eats out once a week, so why can't I buy a $5 box of crackers?  

Please don't think less of me... I just really needed something crunchy.  I needed some texture to my food.  Plus, I have no snacks in the house.  It's hard to go six hours in between meals without eating....

I guess I'm just trying to justify my lapse of will power.  :)

But it's my last one.  No more buying food until it's all gone!

Sunday Secrets

One of my favorite bloggers has a weekly ritual called Sunday Secrets.

Readers can email her with their secrets and she will pick the good ones and post them on Sundays.  They can be public or anonymous.  I sent in my submission anonymously and she graciously agreed to post it.  

To view this blog entry click here.

Try to guess which one is mine!

I also suggest you read her blog.  It is very open and honest.  I love it!  I will warn you that it often contains adult content, but it is well worth the read.  

Friday, August 28, 2009

I'm awake

It's almost 5 am and I'm wide awake.  I woke up at 3:30.  I had had just enough sleep that I couldn't fall back asleep, but not enough to feel rested.  I'm tired, but wide awake.  

I had the strangest dream... Well, maybe not the strangest, but pretty strange.  Once I woke up, I began thinking about it and wondering, "What the hell was that?"  And that pretty much put a stop on my going back to sleep.  

But since I'm up, I figure I will post.  Got nothing else to do but read.  So, today, I'm going to post a deployment review.

It is now almost four and a half months since my husband left the country. It is almost nine months since he left home and here's what has happened in the mean time:

I started school a few days after he left home.  I have since completed the first portion of school.  

I have read quite a few books, but most notably the Twilight series (yes, I too have gotten sucked into that) and the Uglies Series.  I have not completed the Uglies series because there is a backlog at the library, but it's a pretty interesting look at society and our views on what is beautiful, among other things (like is peace at all costs worth it?)

I have started and since stopped working out.  I was really good for a good while, but gave up last week.  It never fails that while I am working out, my husband calls.  So I have given up until I can predict his phone calls or he comes home.  

I have started walking my dog every other day.  She used to get walk rarely, just lots of play time in the house, but I decided to walk her more often.  So far, so good.

I have decided to eat everything in my house...  So far, this mission is going well.  Though, maybe not as fun as I thought it would be.  :)

So that's it.  I haven't gotten much accomplished in the four and a half months since my husband left and I really have gotten much done considering he's been gone for almost nine months.  But, I'm just not that motivated. 

On the job front, I had to turn both jobs I interview for down.  When I told my husband I was going to get a job, albeit part time, he told me no.  He wants me to focus on school and is worried that a job will detract from that.  He wants me to be able to get straight A's and is worried that trying to work, even just one or two days a week, is going to be too tough.  

It would have been nice to that extra income, but it would have made for some longs days, so I'm not arguing too much.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

CNN.com

CNN.com is running a video newscast about a family that is trying to eat what is in their house without going to the grocery store.

The rules are very similar to mine.  Buying milk is ok, but nothing else.  However, she is trying for balanced meals and has a rather large pantry and fridge/freezer (I'm mean huge and brimming with food).  She is also only doing this for month.  They are also allowed to eat out once a week.  I feel that that is cheating.  For the price of eating out, I could go to the grocery store and buy enough food to last me another week. 

However, I think it's neat that it made the news.  For one, maybe I'm not as crazy as I feel.  And for two, it shows people that there are ways to tighten your belt without being wasteful.  

This is the end of my 5th week of not grocery shopping.  When I think back, it might be my 6th week.  I honestly can't remember when I last went to the store to buy food, but my cousin got married on the first and I know for sure I didn't go the week leading up to that.  So, it's safe to say five weeks.  

I am running out of food.  I think I can go at least another week.  If I eat all the Top Ramen, then a week and a half to two weeks.  I just don't know if I can eat all that Top Ramen.  I have made a serious dent in it though.  When I started, I had at least 14 days worth of it to eat and I'm down to 10.  I'd say that's pretty good.  

My meals have been so small, that I'm finding it hard to eat much.  A Cup O Noodle isn't very filling, but when you eat it every day, your stomach shrinks.  Two pieces of toast for breakfast, a Cup O Noodle for lunch and a simple dinner.  I had chicken soup with left over rice last night and couldn't finish it all.  So, now, I have chicken soup for lunch too.  On the bright side, I'll probably lose some weight, which I have been trying to do for months now.

I'm getting over the initial shock of having nothing good to eat and my resolve is settling in.  Soup for dinner isn't so bad and I still have pancakes and instant mashed potatoes to round out my meals. 

Next week, I will report what is left in my pantry.  My fridge is empty, except for milk and pickles. Oh, and a half tub of sour cream.  My freezer is almost empty.  I'm pretty much left with the pantry.  So I've been trying to tackle what's left in there, so I'm not left with only dry goods at the end of next week.  

Thanks to CNN.com for making me feel sane!  

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Thanks and all that jazz

So I want to start by saying a big Thank You! to all of you who are supporting my crazy grocery ban.

Every time I want to give up, a new comment gets posted on my blog and it gives me a little more strength to keep it going.  Yes, I'm getting bored with my food. Yes, I have contemplated skipping dinner all together a few times this week, but I'm not giving in.  I will eat everything in the house.  And my husband is now on board.  He thinks I'm crazy, but he is rooting for me too.

On another note, I got more military news that falls under the OPSEC* Ruling.  This sucks.  The whole point of my blog was to air my feelings in a semi-anonymous way.  It was a place for me to put all the crap in my life that doesn't fit anywhere else.  Not the mention a place for me to bitch about and praise the military.  But lately, all the Marine Corps does is tell me, "it's a secret."  

Soon, I will be able to share my news, but until then, I'm stuck with questions, thoughts and feelings and no one to talk to about them.  

I can't wait until I can share what's been going on.  It seems like ages from now.  I wish I could drop some subtle hints, but I don't want to risk my neck, or my husbands career.  

For now, I will say, The time is coming when all will be announced and I will no longer be bound by OPSEC.  Oh, what a good day that will be!



* For the definition of OPSEC and more information, please refer to my post about OPSEC.  It is one page back when you click on "older post."

Monday, August 24, 2009

Hello My Name is...

Hello, My name is A Girl and I am a Harry Potter Dork.

I didn't get into the books right away.  For along time I scoffed at my friends who read them.  I was too sophisticated to read children's books, much less ones about wizards.  I was in high school when they came out and laughed, loudly, at those who were getting sucked into the Harry Potter world.  I was too cool for all that.

One day, while at my boyfriends house, I picked up the first book out of shear boredom.  I was officially hooked.  By this point, the first three books were out.  So I ran out and bought them all and read them back to back.  I then, dutifully, pre-ordered all my first editions and waited for them at midnight like all the wackos.  No, I did not dress up in costumes.  No, I did not wear Harry Potter glasses.  I simply took my place in line and waited until midnight to claim my book, though I was one of the only normal people there.  It was extremely enjoyable to see all the crazies out in full regalia.

I now have a number of first editions and the whole series.  I did not read the last book right away.  Like any true, die hard fan, I had to reread all the other books before reading the newest ones.  Unfortunately, I got side tracked at the seventh book and was unable to complete the series until just a few months ago.  That is my one, major flaw.  I had to read them all in order and I just didn't have the time.  But I finally read it, and have plans to start the series again soon.

I bring this up because I have just come from the movie theater.  I just saw the newest Harry Potter movie.  And I must say, what a gyp.  Don't get me wrong.  I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it.  But I have a few complaints.

If you have not read the books and have not seen the new movie, but plan on it, stop reading now.  I'm going to talk about it and I would hate to ruin it for anyone.



They left out some key plot points.  Like the love affair that Ron's older brother Bill has with Fleur.  The first part of the next book centers around their wedding, but they were not so much as mentioned in the movie.  And the Tonk's love affair with Lupin was omitted.  Not a huge plot point, but I felt is was sad to leave it out.  It is referred to a lot in the next book.  

However, my biggest pet peeve was this:

At the end of the book, Harry and Dumbledore come back from their trip and are surprised by Draco Malfoy and his fellow Death Eaters.  Dumbledore stuns Harry to protect him and is quickly, and I say QUICKLY killed by Professor Snape.  This scene in the movie dragged on with dialog from nowhere.  Then, after Dumbledore is killed, Harry chases after them and a huge, I mean MAJOR battle ensues.  Death Eaters from everywhere show up and duke it out with all the teacher and many of the students.  Ron's parents show up along with many of the rest of the Order of the Phoenix.  It is a major, major, major battle.  It takes place all over the school.  People are killed.  Many of Harry's friends prove not only their loyalty, but their abilities as wizards to the adults.  One of the Weasly twins is injured.  Hagrid is attacked.  What the Hell People!  Why was this battle completely left out of the movie?   

It was, surely, the most exciting part of the book.  Harry fighting for his life against his horrible foes.  I don't understand why is was omitted,  but when the movie ended and that scene, as well as Dumbledores funeral were not shown, the movie went down a notch in my book.  I was highly disappointed.  

And, by the way, since we are on the subject of what the hell... Since when do Death Eaters turn into smoke?  This was definitely not in the book and seem superfluous to me.  And, in this newest movie, the Death Eaters attack the Weasly's home and blow it up!  That never happened in the book.  If fact, in the next book, they host a wedding there. So explain to me how they are going to make that work?

Other than that, it was actually pretty enjoyable. I understand that the books are incredibly long and hard to turn into two hour movies.  They must omit things and I agree with most of what was omitted for the sake of time.  I also understand artistic license and felt that what was done was acceptable.  I hear they are making the seventh, and final book, into two movies.  That is probably the smart thing to do.  The last book is very dense and there isn't much room to leave things out for time because most of it is important to the plot.  I really look forward to it, mostly to see how they work out all the things they left out of this movie.  

I do have one question.  How are they still making these movies PG?  The books are not PG by a long shot.  PG-13 maybe.  Sometimes, the violence in them makes them R in my opinion.  Not to mention the heavy subject matter.  But, I suppose, they would be losing key demographics if they increased the rating on them.  

Oh well, I still recommend you see the movies to go along with the books.   But I highly recommend actually reading the books.  They are so much better, in so many ways.  

Sleep and Acne

Ok, so I know I have blogged about my depressing life. Yes, I am still heading to bed around 7pm. Pathetic, I know.

I have been trying to stay up later, but I wake up around 5:30 am. That means my body is ready to call it quits at like 8pm. So, I lay in bed, fighting the urge to fall asleep and I always lose. So I wake up around 5 - 5:30 and lay in bed until 6 or 6:15. I generally give up around 6:10 and get out of bed and have breakfast.

Yes, this is exactly what I wanted. I wanted to go to bed early to avoid having to be lonely. But it's sorta sad to be awake that early in the morning with nothing to do. I find ways to keep busy, but who wants to be awake at 5:30 am? What's worse is that this is my pattern on the weekends too. During the week, it's not so bad because most of my neighbors are awake and leaving for work around the time I am awake. This means, that I am not alone in the universe. But on the weekends, they all sleep in. So I am the lone person awake... probably in the whole little town I live in.

I'm stuck in this bed time cycle. I have been going to bed at 7 pm for so long that I feel weird being up any later than that. I went to bed at 7 when I was in school, but I never fell asleep that early. I would lay in bed for hours trying to fall asleep. But now, I fall asleep right away. On the rare occasions I have something to do at night, I feel crappy. I often go to plays with a friend and I am out until 11pm or later. But then I sleep in until 8am or 9 and feel lazy. I feel lazy if I sleep much past 7 am.

To add to my frustration, I have developed adult onset acne.

In my youth I had perfect skin. While all my friends were struggling with puberty, I was in the clear, no pun intended. In college, I would have a few breakouts of acne. Small patches on my cheeks, but they would come and go, rather infrequently, and with little work on my part. Then I got married. My skin was perfect for my wedding day, not a single stress caused zit. But a few months later, my face broke out horribly and never cleared back up.

I can get it mostly clear, but not all the way and I constantly break out. At least once a week my face explodes and I always have red marks that show were my previous breakouts were. I have tried a number of products, including Proactive. Nothing has worked.

I finally asked my doctor about it and he gave me a bunch of prescriptions. I have a strong face wash I am to use twice a day. I have an antibiotic cream to use in the morning and Retin-A to use at night. All of which are drying out my skin. My face constantly burns and is starting to flake, regardless of how much moisturizer I use. The labels promise this is temporary. That in a few weeks, it won't be doing that anymore. But it's pretty horrible in the mean time.

Plus, none of the medications work until 12 weeks. So I am stuck with crappy skin for at least another three months. One of the medications will actually cause me to break out at 3-6 weeks. Fun stuff. But my doctor assured me that in three months, my skin would be crystal clear. And that, he hoped, once clear, I would be able to go off the harsh stuff and my skin would be fine.

I'm giving it a try. I've been on the stuff for a week now and I was ready to call my doc and quit a few days ago. My face hurt so badly and the peeling hurts and looks pretty terrible, but I decided I couldn't give up. I mean, it's not forever (I hope) and it will mean my skin finally clears up. What's a few weeks of peeling and burning, especially if it means no more acne.

The sucky part is that the stuff I use at night, the Retin-A is sorta a pain to use. I have to wash my face, the let it dry for thirty minutes before apply that stuff. And I can't put on a moisturizer afterward, so I have to deal with the drying.

On the bright side of things, I'm well rested, (even if I am getting up at 5:30 am) and I will soon be acne free. I guess things could be worse. I used to not be able to sleep at all. I have wicked insomnia and can't take medication for it. So, I should be thankful just to be sleeping. As soon as I start school again, I know the stress will send me back to sleepless nights and midnight homework. So I will soak it up as long as I can. And who knows, maybe my skin will be clear in time for Ball and I won't have to feel so insecure this year.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

No Food

I still have yet to go grocery shopping, but as the week has worn on, my list of food has dwindled.

I have pasta, I have cup o noodle, I have top ramen. Are you seeing the trend here? I ate the bacon and my last egg. I'm down to pancakes, noodles, and soup. The cherries are gone. I still have chicken strips, but ugh, I don't really want to eat them. They weren't that good. But I have sworn to eat everything in my house. I have told everyone I am doing this.

My husband had his doubts. He eluded that I would give in and go buy food when it came down to it. And me, being me, am determined to prove him wrong. Even if it means I eat Top Ramen for nine days straight (which is how much Top Ramen I have left). I hate to be told I can't do something. I am so stubborn. And now, I have to prove him wrong. But GOD! am I bored with my food choices.

I have eaten cup a noodle soup for lunch for the last four days. I have eaten pancakes for dinner. I am quickly running out of choices of things to eat. I ate my can of corn, I have no veggies left. Much to my surprise, I found a second piece of chicken frozen to the back of the one piece I had, so I do have meat left. I have one can of fruit. After that, I will be living on various from of carbs.

It's to the point, that I just don't want to eat. I don't have much of an appetite anyway. During school, I lived on yogurt, so my stomach can't hold much anyway. But, right now, I need to plan dinner. I don't want to eat the last of my good food and have nothing to vary my diet with later, but I can't stomach the idea of having cup a noodle for lunch and Top Ramen for dinner. They are basically the same thing! ARRHHHGGG!

I knew this would be hard when I started. But I never though it would cause me to want to give up eating. Nothing I own sounds good. And I swear, it wouldn't kill me to skip dinner, but that would only cause my food to last longer. If I start skipping meals, that will mean I have to do this for a longer period of time. I just don't think I can.

Boy, would I kill for a hamburger about now. Or something fried. I really want some yogurt to have with my lunch, maybe with a little fresh fruit. Wouldn't that be lovely?

But cup a noodle soup is good too... I guess. (unsatisfied grunt)

I'm starting to feel like I'm on a mission assigned by a crazy person. Can it be done? Can I really eat everything in the house? Can I really live on Top Ramen for nine days? I'm starting to feel depressed about that. I will be that sad, lonely woman, whose only friend is her dog, eating Top Ramen for every meal.

But, damn it!, I'm too stubborn to give in. I can't let my husband know that I couldn't make it. I have to win, at any cost!

And if it comes down to it... I will eat the damned Top Ramen for every meal, for nine days. And as my reward, when it's all said and done, I'm buying a tub of ice cream and something deep fried and eating that for as many days as it will last!

Here's my wish list of foods that I will buy when this is all said and done:

Yogurt of any flavor, but especially Boston Cream Pie.
Ice Cream, preferably extra creamy, a flavor that will go good with carmel sauce.
Pizza, something with tomatoes.
Pizza Rolls
Fresh veggies, maybe broccoli or green beans
Fresh fruit- peaches or cherries... oh and some grapes (assuming any of them are still in season)
A big bag of premixed salad (oh what I wouldn't give to have salad for dinner right now)
Candy- something gummy and fruity. Like a Charleston Chew. Or Sour Straws


Oh, yeah! I think that wish list will keep me going for another couple of weeks.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Another inteview

Well, I had my second and final interview today. I say final because the third place that got my resume didn't even want to see me. I got a very vague note from them saying my skills didn't match their job requirements. I don't even know how that is possible. It's an entry level position and I have slightly above entry level skills. But whatever, I didn't really want to commute to that part of Seattle anyway. It would take at least an hour to get there, probably more with traffic.

My interview today was at a cats only clinic. Very nice. It's a pretty big hospital with all sorts of swanky stuff. Their isolation ward is super spiffy. Each kennel has individual ventilation! No worries about cross contamination there! They were also individually heated. That's pretty stinking cool. Their surgery suite has a heated surgery table. That is also super cool. No worries about faulty heating pads burning patients. Very nice.

I was a little nervous at first because they gave me a written test. I was not prepared for that at all! Half of it was spelling and I am a terrible speller, but I did pretty good on that. They also gave me a list of cases/issues/tasks and asked me to put them in order of priority. That was tough. Each time I numbered one, I thought of a million more things it might be to make it more important that the other things. A cat drooling may not seem like a big deal, but if it just had a stroke it becomes high priority. Talk about a tough thing to gauge when it's such a vague description.

The actual interview went well. It was pretty short. But the woman doing it was super nice. Her mannerisms and attitude put me at ease right away. I felt way more confident this time around. We talked about what the schedule would be like and what my strengths/weakness are. We talked about my externship and what I was allowed to do there (which was everything). All in all it went pretty well. Well, I know it went fairly well because she asked me back to do a working interview. Basically, that means I go work there for a few hours with supervision. So next Thursday I go back to show them my practical skills.

I'm a little nervous about it. It's hard to preform under scrutiny, but I'm pretty good at the practical stuff. I can get a blood draw on my first stick (usually) and I'm pretty good with vaccinations and restraint. At my externship, I was even getting pretty good at the lab work. This clinic doesn't do much lab work. Mostly urinalysis. All fecal samples and blood work is sent out to a private lab. I'm sorta bummed about that because I really enjoy lab work and I really want to be proficient at it, but it's hard to find a vet job that is 100% perfect in every way. I think that probably true for any job.

So, I'm on my way. I really hope they like me and want to hire me. The hours would be tough and it would make for some long days, but it would be so great to put to use the stuff I'm learning in school.

Wish me luck!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

One more quick thing...

I told my husband that I was going to buy Ranch dressing when I go to buy milk and sugar tomorrow.

I want to dip my chicken strips in it. He said I couldn't because, "it's a slippery slope from buying condiments to food. Better not risk it."

LOL!!! I was laughing so hard at that!


But it made me think... Maybe he's right? Are condiments food? Does that count as buying groceries?

Why can't I let things go?

Ok, so I took pups to the vet today for her annual physical and shots. She is a bit overweight. She was five pounds thirteen ounces, now she is six pounds. She's only overweight by a little bit. Maybe a few ounces to a half pound. She should be closer to five pounds.

I posted on my facebook that she was overweight and had gained more. I wrote that I was feeding her less and walking her more and nothing was working.

Someone commented. No big deal. But he said that I was, either, A) feeding her too little and thus her body was hanging onto the calories to survive or B) that I was walking her so much that her weight was muscle.

There are two thing wrong with that. Well there are more than two, but here's the deal. She's a six pound dog. She is barely eight inches tall. It would by physically impossible for her to gain enough muscle mass to make her overweight, unless I put her on steroids. She is just too small. Not to mention I have never heard of a healthy dog, that has a good amount of muscle being overweight... And I'm in the industry. It just doesn't happen. That's not how they judge if a dog is overweight. They base it on how the body feels, not how much it weights. It's called the rib test. They feel the ribs to test if there is too much fat over them.

Secondly, isn't it a bit rude and presumptuous to say that I'm starving my dog? Or is it just me?

I commented back that I was feeding her how much my vet said to and that he recommended walking her more. I also replied that MIn Pins get fat easily, which is all too true.

What I should have said, is that he didn't know what he was talking about and pointed out the things I just said. I should have told him to bite me. I should have mentioned that I'm in the vet industry and I know how to take care of my dog. That Min Pins get fat easily and that my dog is barely overweight. The fact is, the vet told me not to worry about it as long as she doesn't gain anymore weight. He said she was fine just the way she is.

But I can't let it go. I'm not into confrontation, especially not on a forum like Facebook or Myspace, so I couldn't tell the guy my thoughts on the subject. But now, I'm ruminating over it. I'm thinking of all the things I would have liked to type. All while I was cooking dinner I did this.

Pardon my french, but WTF? What he said wasn't that bad, just ill informed. But I can't let it go. I never can. Why am I like this? I hang onto things. I lie awake at night thinking of things I should have said to people. Or shouldn't have, for that matter. I think of things people have said to me that upset me or hurt my feelings. I do it while I'm cooking dinner or showering. I just can't let things go.

I don't hold grudges. I don't get angry at these people. But things like this will bother me for months to come. I don't know why. It will haunt me. It will bug me. I will be having a grand old time and it will creep up on me. I'll be trying to sleep and it will creep into my brain. Then, instead of sleeping, I will be laying there thinking of it.

I wish I could just move on. I wish I could just say, "well, that was stupid/sucked/hurtful/ridiculous" and move on. I wish I could just let things go. How do I do that? How do I just move on from it? I hate that I do stuff like this.

Usually, I talk to my husband about it and he makes me feel better. He helps me get past it, but he's not here. So, I'm stuck thinking of this over and over again. I will drive myself crazy with all the things I could have said, or shouldn't have said, or wish I had the courage to say. I will drive myself crazy thinking of what he said over and over.

I'm so ridiculous.

This sucks.

Weeks 3-4

Ok, it has now been three to four weeks since I last went grocery shopping.

Amazingly, I still have food left. I do need to go the store to buy milk, which I need for cooking and sugar. Normally, sugar wouldn't be a big deal, but all I have left to drink in the house is Koolaid. I have been making it with only half a cup of sugar, hoping the sugar would last, but today I made my final pitcher. Now, usually, I don't drink Koolaid. All it is is sugar water. But my husband loves it, so we have a ton of it. I'm a 100% juice girl, myself. But I'm out of juice and am still refusing to go grocery shopping.

Here's what I have left in the house:

Freezer:
2 Hot Pockets -different flavors
1 bag of stir fry with chicken
1 bag of chicken strips
1 chicken breast
1/2 summer sausage
1 bag of mochi (this is a japanese treat made with rice, my mom makes it homemade and sends it to me so I never run out)

Refrigerator:
1 pickle (I'm saving this, because I love pickles and can't bear to run out)
1 egg
1/3 carton of milk
1 pack of bacon (which I'm eating for breakfast tomorrow)
1 package of yaki soba
1/2 bag of cherries

Pantry:
1/2 box Instant Mashed Potatoes ( I just found this on the bottom shelf today, I'm pretty excited!)
1 packet instant breakfast
3 shake and pour pancake mixes (also just found these today)
1 box of noodles with alfredo sauce
3 cans of various soup
1 can of peaches
1 can of corn
1 can refried beans
1 1/2 boxes of plain pasta
2 jars pasta sauce
2 packets of chicken soup
22 packages of Top Ramen
6 Cup A Noodle Soup
Rice

So, I think I have enough food to last me another couple of weeks at least. It will be horrible. I'm quickly running out of interesting food and getting pretty board with my choices. I'm eating Hot Pockets for breakfast, which I'm almost out of and have been eating Cup A Noodle Soups for lunch. I'm trying to vary dinner, so I don't get super bored, but pretty soon it will just be me and my Top Ramen for every meal. I have a feeling I'm going to give in and buy food when I get to that point. LOL.

My husband is pretty impressed. He called today and I read him the list of what I have left. He couldn't believe that I really haven't gone grocery shopping. I'm pretty sure he thought I would give in.

I'm considering giving up breakfast all together once I'm out of Hot Pockets. I don't usually eat it and am never very hungry in the morning. If I do that, I'm sure I can get a solid two to three weeks out of my remaining food.

I'm sure you all think I'm crazy. I still have doubts about my sanity. Who in their right mind refuses to go grocery shopping? But I'm so sick and tired of having food in the house that doesn't get eaten. I told my husband that, when he gets home, we are going to change the way we grocery shop. No more buying junk that just sits in the freezer or pantry. From now on, I'm only buying stuff I know we will eat. It's such a waste to buy food and not eat it. And we really need to tighten our belts. No more wasting money on food.

So that's where I'm at, I'll be sure to report the instant I run out of food. Or give in and go grocery shopping, whichever comes first.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Dog Trainers and Interviews

Well, I just had the new dog trainer over. It actually went really well. Much to my surprise, her methods worked on my dog. Our pup is very stubborn and only does things when she gets something out of it. But this worked pretty well. I give a vocal correction and throw a bag of chains on the floor. She really hated those bags of chains. It stopped her barking right away.

The trainer praised me for doing such good work with my dog. Pups is extremely dominant, and that makes her difficult to work with. The trainer gave me some tips on how to reaffirm my dominance while letting me know that I did a pretty darn good job. I felt pretty great about that. Prior to pups, I had no dog training experience, so being told that I did all the right things was pretty great. Honestly, I sent me other dog to puppy boarding school. He lived there for six months while being trained. In all fairness, the training was only supposed to take six to eight weeks, but he was difficult. So, she is the first dog that I have trained and it's nice to know that I did a good job.

Her only real flaw is a lack of puppy manners when people come over. She barks at them and jumps around them. I've tried to stop this, but with no success. This new method seems to be working though. We'll see if she can keep it up.

In other news, I got another interview. It's at a cat only vet. At least I'm pretty sure it's cats only. I think that could be really interesting. Cats a pretty unique. Going to the vet is very stressful for them. Dogs run in and want to be petted and want to play. You can give them treats to win their trust. Cats, not so much.

If you think about it, I feel really bad for cats who are going to the vet. They are suspicious by nature. So you take them in a crate, which is something they hate. It's a big, unfamiliar box that closes them in. That's pretty scary. Then you put them in the car, something that most cats are not used to. It bumps them around and makes loud noises. That's also pretty scary. Then you put them in a room that smells like other cats and dogs that they don't know. So now, they are suspicious and in unfamiliar territory. Then you bring in a stranger, who is grabbing them out of the crate, which has turned into the only place they feel safe. They get yanked out against their will by someone they don't know and poked and prodded. Then another stranger comes in and starts opening their eyes and poking them and opening their mouth. Then they get things like blood draws or vaccinations which means they are getting poked/hurt by these crazy strangers.

No wonder cats hate the vet. It takes some special coaxing and a patient person to deal with cats. I personally love to deal with cats. They can be very sweet when you understand how hard going to the vet must be on them. And cats like treats too, so it never hurts to have a few on you to win their love.

We'll see how the interview goes. I hope it's better than the last one. I felt so unsure. Maybe this time, I'll feel more confident.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Job Interview

I went on my first job interview today. I say my "first" because I'm pretty sure I didn't get it and will have to go on many more before finding a job.

It's a perfect job for me too. They only want two to three days a week, mostly Saturdays, which is exactly what I am looking for. It's a cute little hospital with two doctors. It's close the the free way and not too far from school. It is only 20 minutes from my house, but with traffic it's more like 45. Everyone there was so nice too.

But the the doctor who owns the practice was hard to read. I'm usually pretty good at reading people, but he was tough and I couldn't tell if I was impressing him or not. Mostly, I think not.

The trouble is, I'm just not confident. Don't get me wrong, in my everyday life, I'm super confident. And normally, I interview really well. But when it comes to the veterinary field, I lack confidence completely. I have no background in the field at all. So, it seems like I just woke up one day and said, "I think I'll be a Vet Tech today." Which I didn't. I thought long and hard about it. I talked to people in the field. I researched different schools. But when you are still in school and have never worked at a vet, it doesn't look so good.

I'm also very nervous about my skills. My externship site loved me. They praised the heck out of me. But there are still things I'm not confident in. Like ear cytology and microscope work. I want someone to double check my work. I want someone looking over my shoulder, telling me I'm doing it right. In the real world, that just isn't going to happen. So I probably don't come across well in an interview, because I'm nervous and unsure.

I wish I had more confidence in the field. I can do a blood draw in one stick (which I proved today at my interview) and I can restrain animals really well (which I also proved in my interview), but there are so many aspects of the job that I just don't have confidence in. I have no animal background. I have no experience.

Man, I wish there was a pill I could take to gain confidence. I really think that is what held me back today. I can impress anyone I want to when it comes to customer service or data entry, but start talking about veterinary stuff and my stomach falls to my feet and I get all tongue tied.

I wonder if I will ever get a job?

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Good News!

I have been looking for part time work in the vet field. I'm not out of school yet, so I can't work as a tech, but I can work as an assistant. I just got a call last night from a hospital in Seattle (I didn't get the message until this morning). I checked out their website and it seems like a pretty great place. They want to know what I'm looking for and a little about me. The girl who called won't be in again until Tuesday. It seems like such a long time to wait. I really need this job. We could really use the extra income. And it would be great to be able to apply the stuff I'm learning in school.

I'm really hoping they like me and want to interview me. I'm not going to go so far as to wish for the job. I don't want to get my hopes up. But I really want to be considered for it. I want them to at least give me a chance.

Other good news...

Military One Source is a military run organization that caters to helping military families. No matter what the problem, they have a solution. Not sure which TV brand makes the best big screen? Call Military One Source. Having couple troubles with your husband? Military One Source offers six free counseling sessions per issue. So you can use the service over and over again. I have called them when our pay was screwed up and we couldn't make our house payment. They directed me to a non-profit that gives interest free loans. I love them and recommend them to anyone in the military. They started as a Marine Corp instillation, but was so successful that they became military wide. How great is that?!

Well, they got approval from the Department of Defense to give money for school to military wives. Up to $6,000. My school has to be approved and I have to go through a bunch of steps. I have to create career plan and some other things, get approved and my program has to be approved. It also has to be a portable career. Meaning, it's something I can do, no matter where the military moves us to. It's good for Masters degrees and trade schools. I'm in an AA licensing program. I get an Applied Science degree, I think, but it's also preparing me to get a license.

Well, my school wasn't on the approved list. I went through all the steps to get it approved and have been waiting for three weeks. It can take up to three months to get approved.

Well, my approval just came in today! Not just my campus, but all Pima Medical Institute campuses. I'm sure that's because I'm not the only military wife going to Pima. But how great is that! I can now go through the process of getting money for school! I'm not holding my breath for all six grand. But just enough so I don't have to pay out of pocked for school would be nice. During the assistant program, I had to pay $700 out of pocket for school. That's a lot of money. So it would be great to get enough money that I don't have to do that again.

Man it was a good day. And it's only 10:30 am.

Friday, August 14, 2009

OpSec

For those of you who don't speak military, OpSec is short for Operational Security. It is the shroud of mystery that surrounds all military missions. For those few of us who are privy to that secret information, we are bound by OPSEC not to share it. No email, no blogging, no whispering it to your friends. Strictly, a need to know basis.

I am bound by such obligation. Yesterday I got some news, I can't tell you if it was good or bad. I can't allude to what it was. But it's life changing. I want so badly to blog about it. I want to share what I'm thinking, to know if my feelings are valid. I want to know if I'm crazy for thinking the way I do. I want to know who else has been through this.

The news is not so big that I can't tell some people. I can't give specifics, but I have been able to tell my parents a little bit. But they are not good for perspective. My mother is a die hard civilian in every sense of the word. I need to speak to a military wife. Unfortunately, I am fresh out of military wives at the moment.

I wish there was a handbook. Something to guide new Marine Corps wives in the ways of the life. Something that would help prepare us for every situation that unfolds and how to deal with it, both physically and emotionally. A little guidance would be nice right now.

That's the thing I hate about being a reservists wife. We are alone in the world. We are forgotten by most. We don't live on bases, surrounded by other wives going through the exact same thing. We don't have support groups or spouse clubs to join. Most of the active duty wives look at us as though we don't belong. We are not as good as they are because our husbands live in the civilian world part time.

Our men train, often for long periods of time. They fight war games and leave the country for training missions. My husband misses weddings and other important dates because of the military. He disappears without any contact for months at at time. I am bound by the same rules. I shop at the same commissary. My husband fights the same wars. He gains the same rank. But we are separate from active duty persons. We live in one place, unless my husband changes MOS's (that's military speak for his job). Even then, they will fly him out to his new base each month and fly him home. We don't actually have to move, if we don't want to.

We live in separate worlds. It's the same military, but on a parallel universe. So I often feel alone. The nearest wife to me is an hour and a half away. She might as well be in another state, and many of my fellow wives are. My husbands unit is made up of men from all over the country. We don't have the built in support that active duty wives have. Even the actual military forgets about us.

So, I have a huge thing happen and I have no one to talk to about it. I can't share it with everyone. I can't give details to anyone. I have a huge secret that is eating at me and no one to talk to.

I understand why OpSec is there. I know it keeps my husband safe. I wouldn't want details of him missions leaked so that anyone could come and hurt him and his unit. But it's times like these, when I hate it.

I can't wait until I can blog about it, but by then, it will be a moot point.

It's days like these when I hate being a part of the military. But I really shouldn't complain. Most of the time, I love it. Most of the time, things are good. Most of the time, I'm not bound by OpSec. :)

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Top Ramen

A comment on my last post got me thinking about Top Ramen.

I have a ton of it, but don't really want to just eat it.

Anyone got any good Top Ramen recipes? Preferably simple things I can do with it to make it less boring.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

How I'm doing

Ok, I haven't been grocery shopping in over a week to a week and a half.

I have more than 20 things of Top Ramen left and a whole bunch of Cup-A- Noodles. I still have some random stuff in the fridge and a few cans of soup. I think I have enough food to last two more weeks, give or take. It will be boring. It will suck, but I know I can eat everything in the house. I'm dreading the point where all I have left is Top Ramen. That is gonna be a tough few days. At least I have a few different flavors.

I figured out that, with all this saving I'm trying to do, we will have one credit card almost totally paid off by the time my husband gets home. We will have made a dent in the other two. We should have a decent amount of money saved up and I can still afford my house keeper. That's really my only goal. Yeah, saving money is great, but I really need her to clean my bathrooms. LOL. So we will be well on our way.

There is a wicked rumor going around about an early return date. I don't believe it. It's definitely too good to be true. Coming home two months early is unheard of. If it happens, it will put a serious dent in how much I am planning on saving up, but boy would it be nice to shave two months off the deployment with no effort on my part. The command has been trying to squash this rumor for a month now, but it's persistent. There are even some high ranking officers passing it on. It's not just the Lance Corporal Underground spreading this one around. It's higher ups too. That makes it hard to ignore. At first, I really tried. I even had my husband supporting my skepticism, but now he is hearing it from some pretty high up there guys and is telling me that maybe I should be listening too. I'll believe it when I hear it from the CO. Until then, it's just a rumor.

But just in case, keep your fingers crossed that it's true. ;)

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Saturday

It's Saturday night. It's 7:01pm and I am considering going to bed. Yes, that is the exciting life I lead.

I've hit a point where I want to be in bed as early as possible. I used to have to go to bed a 7pm. I needed to be asleep by 8 in order to get up on time. I hated it. Now, I hate being up late. I get lonely at night. I'm fine during the day, but nights are horrible.

I get up in the morning and work out. I shower, I do dishes or laundry. I watch TV, I make breakfast, I play with my dog. I read peoples blogs, I diddle around online. I check CNN.com for the latest news, though it usually makes me angry. Sometimes I take the dog for a walk. Sometimes I call my mom. But come 4pm, I know my day is winding down. I usually call my mom around this time. She is getting out of school and has some free time to talk before my dad gets home from work. I watch TV, if I can keep my focus. I eat dinner. But I am always very aware of the time.

For some reason, I don't want to go to bed too late. I have no reason to get up in the morning, but I feel lazy if I sleep past 8 am. I usually get up between 6 and 7. Today, I stayed in bed until 7:20 and felt lousy about it.

But I just can't get past this lonely feeling in the evening. I know that most people are having dinner with their husbands. Watching a little TV and then heading off to bed... Together. This was the only time of day I saw my husband. I worked evenings and he worked days. We saw each other for a few hours before bed time. It was our time together. And now, I do it alone.

If I keep moving up my bed time, I won't have to spend so much time alone at night. So, it seems, every week, I move my bed time up earlier and earlier. Now, I head to bed at 7:30pm. I wash my face and get into bed by 8 and try to be asleep by 9. I can see my neighbors still awake. Most are just sitting down to dinner. It's still light outside. And I am in bed.

It's pathetic, I know. When I go back to school, I will be going to night classes. I hate waking up early in the morning, so I decided to switch. I will be going to bed fairly late, since class doesn't get out till 10pm. But I just can't bring myself to switch to that schedule yet.

It doesn't help that I have started to dream about my husband. I have never done this in the past. Of course I dream, I often dream about being married or (God forbid) romantic situations, but they are never my husband. It's always some stranger that is supposed to be my husband or lover or friend. But now, it is my husband. He is home and we are together. The dreams are getting more and more vivid. They used to be abstract. I couldn't place where we were or who we were with. But last night, he was home, in the flesh and we were together. It was as clear as if it had happened yesterday. And I woke up sad, because I was alone. He wasn't home. But it was so real I was confused for the first few minutes I was awake.

This is happening more and more.

So I go to bed at 7:30. Maybe 7pm if I get really motivated. I dream about my husband and dread the evening time. There is nothing that distracts me.

So I'm constantly looking for things to distract me. Maybe I'll avoid this all and start to go to bed at like 6pm. We'll see.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Nothing New

I'm at the end of my third week of not doing anything.

At first, I loved the break from school. No stress. No reason to get up at 6am. No homework. Just me, my dog, the TV and a good book. But I'm running out of shows to watch. My Tivo was impossibly full when I started. I thought I would never catch up, but now, I'm out of shows to watch. Everything new that is recording is a rerun that I have seen before. And, as for having no reason to get out of bed? It's really hard to get out of bed when you have no reason. If I didn't have to feed my dog breakfast, I probably wouldn't get out of bed at all.

I'm on a new kick. I work out Sunday, Tues, Thurs. I shower every morning, even if I have no place to be. I wash my face every night and, now, I floss too. I was a shower every other day kinda girl for a long time. I never worked out (even though I love to, I'm also secretly lazy) and forget about flossing my teeth.

Just after I got married, I developed acne. Well, I've always had a touch of it, but it came and went without much effort on my part. Now, my skin is horrible. Nothing I do seems to help. It got so bad that I was embarrassed to leave the house for a while. I'm trying to get it under control without having to go to a dermatologist. So, I have a nightly skin ritual that takes about a half hour. We'll see if it works. I think my skin is getting better, but it's hard to tell with all the redness and marks left from my last breakout. Nothing like adult onset acne (sarcastic grunt).

So now I have a new routine. I'm hoping it keeps me busy. I'm running out of things to do. My weeks seem to be full, but with a whole lot of nothing.

I did run some errands today. I have a filling that fell out a few months back and have had to have it fixed three times. Today was the third time. I was flossing on Monday and the floss caught an edge and popped off the corner of the filling. So I had to go get it fixed... again. I also had to get my wedding rings resized. I used to be a size 5. I know, it's pretty small. But I gained weight after we got married. I call it contentment weight. I was content, so I ate more and put on weight. Not to mention my husband eats like a horse and never gains and ounce. So I was always eating with him and, next thing I knew, I was 30 pounds heavier. So I went up to a size 6 in my wedding rings. But I have since lost 20 of those pounds and now my rings fall off. I wore them for a few months like that, but it was time to go in and get them resized. It feels weird to not wear them.

For the first few months of marriage, I never wore my rings. I took them off and forgot to put them back on. I couldn't wear my engagement ring to work, so I never wore that, it just became habit to have them in the bathroom. But now, I wear them all the time and feel naked without them.

So that's where I'm at. Nothing new. I'm starting to get bored, just like I thought I would. It was so fun at first, to have nothing to do. How many adults can say that? No responsibility. No commitments. A life of leisure. But it's starting to get old. I need something to do. I'm not ready to go back to school, but I really need to fill my time.

Anyone know any good books? Maybe I can spend the next month or so reading. We'll see.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Broke Again

My husband and I are broke again. Well, not really. We have some money saved up, but I recently had to empty our savings account to get my car fixed. Yes, it was my fault. Our drive way is on a blind corner and I was so busy checking for on coming cars, that I didn't see my car wasn't clearing the garage door. Bummer.

So I got it fixed and we went back to being broke. That seems to be the theme of this deployment. Deployment money is good. My husband makes more now then he does at his day job. But we just can't seem to save. There is always something coming up that we need to spend money on.

It's so frustrating. We have lots of extra money each month. I do the right thing and put it into our savings account. And without fail, something happens. Pups needs to go to the vet and get test runs or something else that will cost me all of our savings.

So, I'm on a new kick. I'm trying to not spend any money. That includes on food. We have an abundance of random food items in our house. And a ton of Top Ramen left over from our days of being broke and on our own for the first time. So I have decided to eat everything in the house before I go grocery shopping again. I will occasionally go for staples like milk, yogurt, or bread, but other than that, I am living on what we have. It has made for some interesting meals.

I recently had Top Ramen with egg for lunch, not so bad. But I'm out of breakfast foods, so I'm going to start eating Hot Pockets. Sorta weird.

I did break down and order a pizza the other night. I did this out of my weekly allowance, not our money, money.

That is the great thing about being good with money. I have a plan. My husband and I each receive a weekly allowance. All thing like gas, toys, cloths, eating out and such come out of this. Then we have a "house fund," which is mutual money. That is for groceries and bills. The rest goes into one of our three savings accounts. There is a "general savings," a "vacation/christmas savings" and a "bills savings" account. That way we always have what we need to get by. It works out well, when we are not having random emergencies that require all of our money.

So far, I have emptied out everything but our general savings. All of our bills will get paid, but we have no extra cash for things. I really wish I hadn't just bought a digital camera. If I had only known I would need that money to get my car fixed.

So for now, I'm living on some really random foods and saving like crazy. Puppy is no longer getting new treats or snacks. I am diligent about making sure my car clears the garage door now. LOL. :) and I'm hoping that all that translates into money in the bank.

Anyone have any good tips for saving money? I could use a way to make my money go farther.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Weddings Suck

Ok, so maybe weddings don't suck.  They are beautiful and pleasant.  It so wonderful when two people meet their match and want to get married.

But weddings while your husband is deployed suck.  Yes, it's one of those posts.  I'm feeling rather sorry for myself.  I know I said I was trying to stop that, but today was hard.

Everyone is so happy and loving.  And of course there is the constant reminder of love and unity.  There are the couples only dances and the married couples only dances.  Blessing married people, wishing them good luck.  Weddings are all about couples and love.  How depressing is that?  

My cousins wedding was beautiful.  She looked gorgeous, the groom was handsome.  The ceremony was short and sweet.  The wedding party looked stunning.  

But here's what I'm choosing to complain about.  (I say choosing, because I really shouldn't be complaining.)

I had to drive from my house to Oregon and back.  It's over three hours, one way.  My legs are cramped.  

My feet hurt from my heels.

It was a hundred degrees out and it was an outdoor wedding.

My husband wasn't there.

I know, it's pathetic to be whining about this stuff.  But really, how depressing is it to be surrounded by all of that lovey dovey stuff when your husband is gone?  And not just gone, but at war.  It sucked.

I tried so hard to enjoy myself.  It was great to see all of my family.  So many people flew in.  But I couldn't help but feel sorry for myself.  I must be the worst, most pathetic person in the world.  I'm feeling really crappy about myself for feeling this way.  

I knew I shouldn't have gone.  I thought it might be hard and thought about not going, but I just had to.  They are family.  I need to support them.  I felt like I should be there.  

BAHH!  I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow.  I'm sure this is passing.  I'm such a crappy person for not being more happy for my cousin.  I'm working on it.


~


PS.  There seems to be some confusion about my husband and his deploying.  

My husband is a reservist, that is true.  But just like active duty people, they deploy and do it fairly often.  His contract was up a few years ago, but he chooses to stay in.  He chooses to continue to drill.  He was not obligated to deploy by his contract (as much of his unit was).  He choose to deploy of his own free will...  He did this without discussing it with me.  He simply told me he was going to deploy and that I would just have to deal with it.  That is where the resentment comes from.  But reservist must fulfill their contracts, just like active duty people.  They do not choose to deploy, they are activated and deployed by their contract.

I hope that clears up any confusion.  If you have any questions about the difference between active duty and reservist, leave a comment and I will post the answers.