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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: July 2009

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Friday, July 31, 2009

My Loyal Husband

My husband is fiercely loyal to his men.  So much in fact, that he chose to deploy when he could have stayed home.

This fact has caused a rift between us.  I spent the first few months of our deployment resenting him for leaving.  I hated him for picking the Marine Corps, and thus his men, over me and our new marriage. I felt abandoned.  The first year of marriage is hard,  and ours was especially difficult.

I happen to be the most stubborn person in the world.  I also have a lot of quirks.  Like how the towels have to be folded just so.  My closet is organized by type of clothing, then by color.  I'm anal, pushy and have to have my way all the time.  That makes me very difficult to be married to.  I know this.  My poor husband also likes to have his way.  He is a Marine through and through and feels that his way is the right way.  You can see where I'm going with this.  LOL.

So, we spent much of our first year of marriage learning how to compromise.  Mostly, we were learning what is important to fight for and what should you just let go of.  I mean, really, will it kill me if my husband doesn't fold his boxers in the absolute, perfect way that makes them evenly fit in the drawer?  No.  But I tend to insist anyway.  Which leads to his unwillingness to help me, which leads to me getting overwhelmed, which leads to big fights.  I promise, I am working on this.

So while we are going through the incredibly difficult process of learning how to be married, he up and leaves.  First he moves to the base, then he leaves the country.  And I am left resenting him for choosing his men over me.

This may not be a logical conclusion, but it was the one I came to pretty quickly.  I was mad at him for leaving me.  I was angry that he didn't love me enough to stay.  I was hurt that I didn't make him want to stay.  Somehow, I wasn't enough to keep him here.

As you can imagine, this made for a difficult deployment.  I was quick to get angry at him for every little thing and was sad all the time.  Borderline depressed.  I couldn't figure out how I was going to survive this kind of rejection.  And how would our marriage ever recover?

So, I began the process of learning to live without my husband.  I began to become more independent.  I had to, there was no one here who was going to do anything for me.  Soon, most of my friends stopped caring that my husband was gone, and I lost the support of most of them.  I was on my own.  But in this process, I began to see my husband differently.

He wasn't the man who left me anymore.  As I grew, I began to see things from his point of view.  He didn't chose the military over me.  He was doing what was right by his men.  He was showing his loyalty to them, by being there to protect them.  He had to be there, to make sure they were safe.  He knew, though I didn't, that I could take care of myself.  He had faith in me to be stronger than I knew I was at the time.

My husband is very loyal.  He put duty and loyalty above all other things.  But this doesn't mean that he isn't loyal to me.  He may not be taking bullets for me, but he calls everyday that he can.  He writes me letters.  He emails me just to say he misses me.  He puts me first in all the things he does.

He fights wars to make this world a better place, for me.  He wants to be a police officer, to make our area a safer place, for me.  He lets me pick the restaurants we eat at (most of the time) because he is a picky eater and knows that I get bored with his choices.  He lets me buy things, even when it means he will do without that new video game he wants.  

His loyalty may not present it's self in the same way that it does in the military, but he loves me.  

It took me eight months to figure this out.  Eight, long, months to see that his loyalty does, in fact, lie with me.  And now that I have, I feel much better about my husbands choice to leave.  

It's amazing what a little perspective will do for you.  

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Heat Wave

It's official. It's a heat wave.

In the Seattle area, of which I am still considered even though I live 45 minutes away, we rarely reach the high 90's for weather. 85 is a hot day and 90 might as well be hell. But we have had a streak of mid to high 90 degree weather for a few days now and there is no end in sight. Today, we broke the all time heat record by two degrees coming in at 102 degrees. That goes all the way back to the 1890's, so it's kinda a big deal around here. Our little record and the heat wave even made the front page of CNN.com.

It's miserable. My house stays cool. And by cool, I mean that it is 91 degrees in my living room while it is 102 outside. So I count that as staying cool, though I suppose it's not really. We Seattlites are not accustom to this weather. We do mild weather here. Not too cold in the winter and not too hot in the summer. That's not really true where I live. I live in a convergence zone. So I get super cold in the winter and also get like three feet of snow a day. But for the sake of being in the "Seattle Area" I will tell you about Seattle.

If it snows an inch in Seattle, the whole city shuts down. (That is not an exaggeration.  Seattle only gets like one or two inches of snow at at time.)  Seattle is one, giant, 90 degree angled hill. You get used to driving it, and it's crazy slopes, but imagine that in snow and ice. I don't think so. So the whole area just shuts down. Lucky for us, it only snows a few days a winter and often melts by the next day. Fall and Spring are basically the same thing. It's muggy and rains everyday. I, personally, love it. I have been to places with nicer climates and I can't stand it. I can't do sunshine everyday, all day long. Even now, in our heat wave, it has rained twice. I can't live without the rain. It's like my brain dries out and won't function. I need to be soggy.

I love summer in Seattle, because it's comfortable. Usually. Yes, we do have 90% humidity here. It's like walking through water, but you get used to being sticky. I wish it were dry heat we got. Dry heat is so much more bearable. I have been to Las Vegas during 115 degree weather and let me tell you, that is so much nicer than 80 degrees with 80% humidity. But, usually, it's like 75 all summer long. A handful of 90 degree days, with a month or so of 80 degree weather and that's about it. Perfect.

This heat wave is killing me. It's too hot to go outside. To sticky to move or cook. My poor dog is just sprawled out on the couch, in front of the fan, sleeping. She's too hot to play.

Where I live, we get hot. A few more days of hot weather than Seattle, anyway, but not too much. Then, in the winter, I get buckets of snow. I hate to drive in the snow, and our town is so small that they only plow the highway, so you can't get anywhere. But I love to sit at home and watch the snow flake cover our little courtyard. I love the mild temps during fall. And I love the rain during spring. I couldn't live somewhere that had definitive seasons. That's too much of a change for me. Seattle doesn't really have seasons. We have summer from July to August and the rest of the year is the rainy season.

So here I am, in the middle of a heat wave, that has no end in sight and I am stuck. I can't go do anything... I spent all of my spending cash already, so trying to see a movie in an air conditioned theater is out. I have a fan blowing on me. My little dog napping next to me and a bottle of frozen water that is rapidly thawing.

I don't know how all you people live in the heat in the rest of this country. That's just not me. I want my temperate climate back. If I wanted nicer weather, I would move. If I needed sunshine, I would move. LOL. But I don't. I'm a Seattlite through and through.

I can't take this heat.

Next year, I'm putting in central air conditioning.  LOL.

This is a little video of how pups is doing in the heat. She seems really miserable.

video

Monday, July 27, 2009

Where have I been?

I haven't posted in a few days, which is unusual for me. I feel like I'm losing my zest for life and thus for blogging.

I'm trying to stay positive. Things are going fairly well for me, but it's also fairly boring.

But I WILL stay positive. So here's a positive post. :)

Most of you do not know that I am half japanese. My father is full japanese and my mother is norwegian. Being mostly japanese, I have a lot of japanese traditions in my family. I am only the third generation to be born in America, and we have since become Catholic, but some things die hard. Like heritage.

This weekend was a japanese festival Obon Odori. It is basically a festival of the dead. It's a time to celebrate the life of your ancestors because, without them, you would not be here. It is held on consecutive weekends at three local buddhist temples. The one in Tacoma, WA is fairly small. The one in Seattle is huge. It is part of Seafair. A celebration that includes hydroplanes and the Blue Angles. Because of that, it is very touristy. The Seafair Pirates come and make a big fuss and there are a lot of tourist that stand and gawk at all the asian people. I really don't care for it.

The one I go to is in a medium sized city about a half hour south of Seattle. It is not so big it's overwhelming and not so small that there is a lack of stuff to do. It's perfect.

It generally consist of food booths, traditional japanese folk music and traditional folk dancing. There are shows, like taiko drumming and goodies for sale. It is a huge part of who I am.

Every year, since I was born my family has gone to Obon Odori. I dance and eat and love my culture. This year I brought a friend along who had never been. It was so great. I explained what I knew of the history of the dances and showed her just how good homemade japanese food is. That is what is so great about Obon. It's all these little old ladies who have had their recipes in their families for generations. The food is to die for. It doesn't get better than homemade.

I laughed a great deal when I encouraged my friend to dance. It really is fairly easy. You dance in a circle and can just follow the person in front of you because the movements repeat themselves over and over. But it can be tricky if you are not used to the movements. She said she really wanted to come again next year so that she can make our husbands dance!

Obon is my favorite time of year. The smell of my favorite foods fill my nostrils and I fill up on treats that I only get once a year. I hear all my favorite folk songs... Songs that get stuck in my head all year round but that I can't remember well because I don't speak japanese. I dance the fluid, purposeful movements of my ancestors as I mimic cole mining or fishing with a net. (Most dances are based on the jobs of old japan like fishing and cole mining.) In years past I have worn kimono's with sandals or happy coats. Something I would love to do again, if I could find one that didn't cost hundreds of dollars.

And every year, I try to bring friends to share it with. So they can see a little piece of japan alive and well in me and my family. I run into my parents every year and this year my nephew was there as well. I wish my husband were there, but he was not so supportive last year. I explained to him how important this part of my life is and I hope that he will be more understanding in the future.

There is something to be said about connecting with your heritage.

I can't wait until Obon Odori comes around again, next year.

Friday, July 24, 2009

My First Lesson

I just got home from my first horseback riding lesson. It was so great. I brought a friend along who rides and she took pictures while I rode. My friend has been riding for 11 years and said she thought I was a natural! I took that as a big compliment.

I made the mistake of working out this morning, so my legs are killing me. English riding takes a lot of control and leg strength. It's not like western, where you just kinda sit there. My legs were shaking by the end of my lesson.


That's a balance exercise, you trot and hold your arms out and in various positions while riding. 



That's me with my horse, Ginger.  Well, she a school horse, not mine, but she is who I will be riding for a little while.  She likes to do things in her own time.  I had to really push her to keep working.  She kept trying to leave the arena.  LOL.  She was reluctant to really work, but was super sweet and easy to ride.  

It didn't get tricky until I began to trot.  That's right, my teacher said I had ridden enough and was doing well enough to learn to trot right away.  Ginger really didn't want to trot in the heat, so I really had to nudge her along.  Let me tell you, trotting it tricky.  You have to keep your whole body straight and upward, while keeping your feet back, posting (which is sorta standin up on the stirrups), moving your hips forward, while keeping your heels down and keeping your calfs against the side of the horse.  Not as easy as it sounds.  You want to sit down, lean forward, push on the balls of your feet and push your feet out, away from the horse so that your calfs are in the air, not next to the horse.  It was hard to do it all at once, plus... it hurt!  My muscles are not in shape for that. 



But I was getting the hang of it.  It was so much fun.  I was sweating profusely by the end of the lesson.  It was hard work, but I really got the hang of my horse.  She started listening to me and we really began to get some good riding done.

 I can't wait until my lesson next week.  I'll be jumping in no time!  And my friend said she want to bring her horse out and start riding with me during my lessons!  That will be so much fun!

She said she would come again and get some video of my riding, so I'll be sure to post that as soon as I have it.

I love horseback riding!

MeMe Award

I have been tagged again... This time I think I will tag some people back. Yep, I've given in to blogger chain mail. LOL.

I have to list seven things about myself that you didn't know, but I don't know if I can top my last list. Here it goes:

1. I talk to my dog. All the time. I don't expect her to talk back, so I've decided that that means I'm not crazy, but we do have short conversations a few times a day.

2. I miss being younger. I'm 26 and married and own a house. I wish I were 23, single and still out there being crazy about life, sometimes. I'm a grown up now and I'm not sure how that happened, but now I'm stuck being a responsible adult.

3.I hate Myspace, though I do have a Myspace page. I think it's the devil and only have a page out of sheer boredom. I think about canceling it everyday. But I have a Facebook page and don't seem to mind that. Though I've only had a Facebook page for a week... So it's too soon to tell if I will hate that too.

4. The thing I love most about my husband and hate most about my husband is the Marine Corps. It's a conundrum.

5. I love a clean house, but hate to clean the shower. With a passion. I have never cleaned the shower in my home. My husband always did it and when he left, I hired a house keeper to do it for me. I dread the day that I have to clean it myself.

6. I own a dog, but am actually a cat person. I really want to own cats, but my husband hates them and won't let me get one, so we have a dog. Don't get me wrong, I love my dog like she was my child, but I really wish I could have cats too.

7. Part of me enjoys having my husband gone. I get to sleep in the middle of the bed, eat all the good food, and watch whatever I want on TV. It's really nice sometimes.

So I will tag these people:

Samantha the Army Wife: A Day in This Army Wife's Life

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Knock it off

I feel like I've been feeling really sorry for myself lately. I must be an absolute bore to the rest of the world.

Well, today I've decided to knock it off.

I have a really good life. I'm married to a good man, who takes very good care of me. He fights for what he believes in and is driven to help others. That makes me pretty lucky.

I live in a cute town home. I love it. I live in the town I want to and was fortunate enough to be able to afford that. That's pretty lucky too.

I have an adorable dog. Boy, is she a handful, but she adores me and loves me and is a pretty great dog.

I am fortunate enough to go to school and not have to work. School stresses me out, but my husband is letting me figure my life out without strings. I don't have to contend with a job I hate or try to balance school with work. And I may not be chasing my dreams right now, but I enjoy my new path and am ready to give it my all until I figure out what I want to be when I grow up. And my husband supports me figuring that out. That is really lucky.

All in all, I have a pretty great life. I'm very lucky in a lot of ways. All this crap with unsupportive friends and my husband being away clouded my vision of that. I have a truly great friend, and that makes me lucky. I don't need a ton of friends to feel supported and loved... Just one. And someday, my husband is coming home and I will have all the love and support I need right at home.

Until then, on my break from school, I'm getting to do what most only dream about doing. No strings. No obligations. I wake up in the morning and work out for a little while, then shower. I play with my dog and watch my favorite TV shows on Tivo. I read books and cross stitch (did I forget to mention that on top of being lucky, I'm also a huge dork?) and do puzzles and scrap book. I'm taking horseback riding lessons once a week and finding new hobbies to enjoy. And I can do this as long as it takes for me to be ready to tackle school again. That is extremely lucky.

Yep, it's time I stop worrying about my husband and his future. It's time I let go of the people in my life who weren't there for me. It's time to wake up and be an adult. It's time to live life for today and be glad that I have a today.

No more feeling sorry for myself.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

This is my life

I watch a lot of cop shows. I especially love ones about detectives.

But today I watched an episode of The Closer and realized how different my life will always be. The synopsis is two cops get shot (and killed) during a routine traffic stop and the lead character has to find the killers.

My husband has been a Marine for almost 8 years. It will be 8 years next month. He has sworn to protect our country and our freedoms, even at the cost of his life. And when he comes home, he will begin his pursuit of his next career. Being a police officer. He is driven to protect. He is driven to serve.

So I watched the show today, and realized that that, very easily, someday, that could be me that they are notifying. It could be my husband, killed in an "officer involved" shooting. I will spend the rest of my life wondering if he will come home. And he will spend the rest of his life in danger.

It feels like we are tempting fate. How long can he put his life on the line before it ends? How long can we lead our lives surrounded by death and destruction and criminal activities and war before it catches up to us?

This is my life now. It is one that I choose. I choose to marry for love, I choose to marry a man who put honor and duty above all other things. But I never stopped to think of the consequences of loving someone like that. When you are walking down that aisle, you don't stop to think about the danger he might be in one day. Or what his job will mean to the rest of your life. I was so focused on loving him, that I never stopped to question if I could live my life like this. And now I have to.

We live our life in life and death... I have said that before. But when does it ever end? When will a day at work, be just that, with no other thoughts in my mind? When will I get to stop worrying?

I married a good man, with good principles. A man who values life and freedom. He loves his country. He wants to protect those around him. He wants to do good in this world. And I promised to stand by him, no matter what the cost. And now, I'm not so sure the price we pay will be worth it. Will he do enough good in this world to out weigh his death? Will I be able to look at my husband as a hero and forget my own sacrifice?

I honestly don't know.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009



Copyrighted by Kim Whelan of http://www.lovethetroops.com/


Enough Said!!!!




Serious Bag





HAHA!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

I love horses!

I love horseback riding. I've been a number of times in my life. It's the best.

When I was growing up, we were pretty poor, and I always dreamed of getting horseback riding lessons. When I was in high school, my dad got a really good paying job and my mom said we could take them together. But just like the trip to Disneyland I was promised when I was three, it never happened.

My husband spent his summers working at a horse farm. He knows a lot about them and is a fairly good rider. He told me that, someday, we would own horses. But I have no experience with them, so it makes me nervous.

Well, a girl from my externship owns a horse and is very experienced. She gave me the name of the woman who used to give her lessons. It's a very reasonable price and she can teach me anything I want to know. I ran it by my husband and he said I could get lessons!

I just got off the phone with my new teacher and set my first lesson up for Friday at noon. I'm going to start learning to ride english, and then eventually go into western. But english is harder, so I figured that is the best place to start. I'm so excited. I will need to get boots, eventually, and a helmet and stuff, but for now, I can just learn the basics.

I can't wait... I will finally be able to ride a horse well! I told her that I wanted to be able to jump eventually, so that I can ride cross country courses. That is my ultimate goal. How cool would that be. I may even get into dressage. I haven't decided yet. I'm so stoked!

WIsh me luck that I don't make a complete fool of myself and that I don't fall off the horse!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

The Fog has lifted!

Today was a pretty great day.

I live in a tiny town of no consequence, except to those who have had the fortune to live here. It's population is 11,000 people. The median age is 30. The median income is high! Sky High... My husband and I are practically paupers here. LOL. But we love it. It's small and quaint. We have a downtown area. It is about 4 blocks long and has lots of little shops and nail salons and restaurants. It's the heart of our little town and is super cute.

Every year they shut down downtown for the (city name) Festival. They do a car show (this year was Corvettes) and have little booths that sell goods and services. All of the little shops are open and have sales. They have a kid area and, best of all, a pet plaza. It has all sorts of dog friendly things and booths and a Dock Dog competition. (For those of you who don't know, Dock Dog is where they set up a runway and a large pool. The dogs run down the way and jump into the water, competing for the longest jump.) It's so much fun. They even put in little kiddie pools for the dogs to play in.

Now, my dog hates water... The Dock Dog competition is out, but I love to put her in the kiddie pools and make her swim her way out. It may be a little mean, but it's super cute to watch.

This year, the girls from my externship site wanted to go and hand out fliers and coupons for our hospital. So we rounded up our dogs and met at my house. Since I live with in walking distance to downtown, we all walked there together. I had a friend who wanted to come with me, so she tagged along and we headed into town.

It was so much fun. We handed out the fliers and checked out all the shops and booths. We ate at the food court and watched a great Elvis impersonator. His rendition of "Burning Love" was awesome! I didn't find anything to buy, even though I brought money with me. But I had so much fun walking around.

The best part was when my friend announced that she wants to move to my little town! She loves it so much, when she comes to visit, and has decided to talk to her husband about it. It wouldn't be until next year, they are still saving to buy their first home, but this is where she wants to live! I'm so excited! I would finally have a friend near by.

She currently lives in the north end of Seattle.. And by north I mean, you can barely still call it Seattle. I live about 45 minutes north of down town Seattle and she lives about 20 minutes away from me. I hardly call that Seattle. LOL. But she is ready to move away from the city. She wants to live farther out in the the boondocks, with me. We are still close to a few big cities, so we don't have to go far to get things, but we are pretty much out in the middle of nowhere. We are a suburb of a suburb. :)

I love it here in my little town and I'm so excited she might be moving here. I even introduced her to my real estate agent, to help get the ball rolling.

I'm so excited about it... I hope her husband says yes. I think he will. He has been best friends with my husband since high school, so I think he will like the idea of living so close to us.

Oh, I could just go on and on about how much I love my little town. My husband and I moved here two years ago and fell in love with it. When we wanted to buy our first home, we were willing to buy a town home so that we could afford to live close to the city center. Not to mention the fact that there is no such thing as a starter home here. The houses start at 400K. We couldn't afford that, so we bought an adorable little town home, with in walking distance to the downtown. I walk pups there all the time. All the store owners know her and love her. It's just so perfect and small. (I hated living in Seattle. Too many people. It was too crowded!)

I love small town living. I still don't know a lot of people here, but I'm getting there. But it's so nice to have everything right there in my little town center. I may have limited places to eat, and there is no asian market, which is hard for me, but it's just so darn cute. And now, my friend might be moving here!

Such a great day!

Friday, July 17, 2009

Three posts in one day... Geesh!

Today was a mondo shitty day, as I have already blogged about.

But today I found out that most of my friends are surprisingly unsupportive. This sucks, huge, sweaty, monkey balls. The people I have been relying on to help get me through the worst of times are no longer reliable.

I don't want to get into it. It will just make me more angry (which is code word for hurt, disillusioned and disenchanted) than I already am. Suffice it to say, that I now I have about one person I can really talk to. This person is the best. But she is also going to school. Incidentally, she goes to my school but is in a different program, thus she is on a different schedule. She has just started her externship, so now she is gone all day long. She was the person I called, during the day, when I needed someone to talk to, but now I can only call her at night, and we can't talk long because she is working like 50 hours a week and needs to sleep somewhere in there.

This blows. This deployment blows. Just when I was really getting into the swing of things and it was starting to look up, this happens. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to put themselves in my shoes. A little empathy is all I need. But, for some reason, it just is. Maybe it's because people don't want to think about these kinds of things. I don't know.

I feeling very vulnerable and lost right now. I have lost most of my support. My mother has just gone back to school herself and is, thus, less available. My friends? Well, we've covered that mess. And the person I normally go to when things get tough is out fighting a war.

I hate this. I hate everything about this. I hate that I don't have my husband here. I hate that I can't talk to him when I really need him. I hate that people don't understand what it's like. I hate that it's hard, but getting easier. I hate that it's not really getting easier... Which only makes sense to people going through this too. I hate that I have bad days and don't have anyone to hug. I hate that I decided to take a break from school, but I hate that I have to go back to school. I hate that I don't have anything to fill my time but books. Books make terrible friends. :( I hate sleeping alone. I hate grocery shopping alone. I'm generally hating life right now. Which sucks because, just a few days ago, I was loving life.

I miss my husband. He was always there for me. Abbreviated phone conversations are just not cutting it.

Friends suck. Life sucks. Oh and did I mention...

DEPLOYMENTS SUCK!

Today....

Today was a hard day. I don't know why, it just was.

I wanted to sleep in but popped awake at 7:12 and couldn't fall back asleep. I was having the most lovely dream too. So I reluctantly got out of bed and got dressed for the day. I just couldn't seem to fill my time. I did the dishes, started laundry... I even took my dog into work to get her nails trimmed. Nothing seemed to make the time go by faster.

I tried diddling around on the internet, I tried watching TV, I played with my dog. I took her to the store and bought her a new toy.

I talked to my husband and we decided to get a new puppy. We were planning on it anyway, but I got permission to get it before he comes home. I'm excited, but locating breeders didn't take a super long time.

I feel like I have done a lot today, but it just dragged on. Even now, it's only 5:30.

I hate days like today. My time just seems to slow down. I can't find enough stuff to occupy my time and I start to feel lonely. Everyone always says, "keep busy." Normally, I do. Normally, I have tons of stuff to do and my days just fly by. I mean, I'm already three months into the deployment. Well of him being in country, anyway. I'm seven months into the activation. That seems like it just started... Except today. Today sucked.

A week ago, all I wanted was to have time. I wanted to have time to breath and read. I needed a break from life. But today, I would have given anything to have been at my externship again. I guess getting what you asked for doesn't always play out well.

I do have a super busy weekend. But I am looking at at least six weeks of nothing to do. I thought that's what I wanted, but I'm starting to think taking a break from school was a mistake. I'm so confused. I was drowning at school. I was stressed and overwhelmed. The deployment was new and that stress, mixed with the school stress was slowly killing me inside. But now, I am faced with a whole lot of nothing and I'm worried that it will be horrible. What will I do all day? How will I fill my time? I just don't see this break being all that I hoped it would be. And now I have a horrible situation...

I need a break from school to deal with stress, but if I take that break, I'm faced with a lot of hard days a head of me. So what do I do? It's sorta already to late to go back to school. I missed orientation. I sorta have to take six weeks off now. But these six weeks are going to be hard. Maybe not as hard as school, but hard.

Today sucked. I don't know what to do now. :(

Doggy Heaven


I just bought a new toy for my dog and she is in doggy heaven...

It's called The IQube. It's four balls that you put in the cube and she has to get them out to play with them. Honestly, four balls is way too many, it makes it too full. SHe also quits trying to get the balls out once she has gotten the first one out... She is very easy to please.

She loves balls of all kinds, but destroys tennis balls. We get fuzz and rubber all over the house, so I've been reluctant to give her anymore. But these are plush balls, so hopefully she won't eat them.

She has been so bored lately. Stuck in the kitchen for 11 hours a day will do that to ya. She is so bored that she has begun to eat my moldings. The ones that run along the bottom of my wall, base boards if you will. So I have to do something to keep her entertained!

I hope this does it... I highly suggest all you dog lovers/owners get one for your dog. My dog is going nuts for it!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Attention Military Wives!

I just found a blogging networking site called True Military Wives Confessions.

It's a lot like 20 Something Bloggers. It's a place to get your blog out there and to find new blogs, but it's all military wives! Finally, a place we can go to connect!

I've joined a couple groups there for deployments and really look forward to seeing what all the wives have to say. I think it's going to be a great addition to my blogging life. I no longer have to look hard for blogs about deployments!

The link is http://truemilitarywivesconfessions.ning.com/


You should all check it out!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Where I work

I have been asked this question a few times and just now realized that not everyone knows what I do. Sorry!

I am going to school to be a Veterinary Technician. I have just finished the first portion of my schooling, which is Vet Assistant.

Vet Techs have a two year degree and are nationally and state licensed. Vet Assistants can be laypeople who are taught on the job, there is no licensing or degree program, anyone can be an Assistant. There is a fine line between the two, but there are a few things that Techs can do that Assistants can't. Like intubate.

My school does everything in six week increments. So we do two to three classes at a time for six weeks then move on to the next subject. We have no breaks, so I get a two year degree in a year and a half... Though I have decided to take the summer off of school duet to the stress of a deployment, so I will take a full two years (I think). It is also divided into two portions. First we learn to be Vet Assistants, then we do a six weeks externship (an unpaid internship). Then we go back to school and do the Tech portion and then do another six week externship. Then we are graduates.

I am currently working at a vet clinic for the externship, though my last day is tomorrow. It went by so fast!

They were going to hire me on, but things have begun to really slow down, so they have asked me to wait a while. I don't know if they will pick up enough for me to be hired on or not... But, honestly, I feel ok about it. If you will read my other blogs, I wasn't so sure about taking the job for ethical reasons anyway. Right now, I have an overwhelming sense of the "just fines." I feel like it was sorta meant to be that I didn't get the job. It feel like there was a reason for it, so I'm pretty ok with not working there.

So that is what I do... I hope that clears up any confusion.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Touched

People really responded to my blog recent blog about being forgotten. It was super nice to know that people understand how I feel. I'm not alone in this world. There are other military wives out there feeling just as alone and forgotten as I am. We are the same, at least in that front.

Another nice thing happened. I have been gaining followers and one of them loved my blog so much she encouraged all of her followers to check it out! I love that!

So, to be fair, I will also encourage you all to check out her blog. I have read it and can honestly endorse it.

Here's the link: http://myshoes-armywife.blogspot.com/

I loved her honesty and she seemed inspired by mine to be more honest in her blog. I'm sure you are all in for some good reading.

On another note, I had a bitch of a client today. Her dog actually bites her. She can't do anything to this dog without being bitten, but seems dismayed that I wanted help and a muzzle to deal with her dog. Can you believe that?! Your dog is willing to bite you, the owner and you think I'm just going to take a chance that he may or may not bite me? Yeah, right. So I took the dog into the treatment room and muzzled it. He knocked over my helper and we had a hell of a time treating him. It was ridiculous. I don't get paid enough to get bitten... Oh, right, I don't get paid at all. :)

Sunday, July 12, 2009

My Husband

I feel like I get down on my husband a lot in my blog. He is the single most frustrating person I have ever met. We have very little in common. We both love to travel, but I prefer temperate climates and he loves the beach. I hate the beach! We love to watch movies, but can never agree on which one because he loves action and war movies and I love thoughtful movies and romantic comedies. I love cats and he hates them. He loves his Xbox and I love my Wii. He loves pizza and junk food, I love vegetables and healthy stuff. We couldn't be more different.

But he makes me laugh. I have never laughed so much in my life as I have with my husband. And boy does he love me. More than anyone in my life ever has. He supports me financially, so that I can pursue my various life goals. He doesn't always support those goals, but he gives me leeway to work part time so that I can be home. He gives me time to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

He is not the best husband in the world. He has his faults, but boy does he try to be the best husband in the world. He may not alway see when he is wrong, or admit it, but given time to think and reflect, he is quick to come back with an apology and a renewed effort to try harder.

I have never met someone who makes me as mad as my husband does, but he is patient with me and all of my faults. He listens when I am sad. And he tries to solve my problems, like men try to do. He is not always supportive of me, he doesn't do things the first time I ask. He never listens when I ask for help. But when I really need someone, he is there. When I am ready to quit, he is there to take my hand and help me through. He doesn't questions why I need the plates stacked a certain way, or why the laundry needs to be folded just so. He never judges me and my quirks, of which I have many. He never laughs at me when I fail or stumble. He just helps me up and tells me to try again.

He lets me have to comfortable spot on the couch. He doesn't get mad when I hog the bed. He lets me eat his left overs. He doesn't get mad at me when I'm being irrational. He laughs when I tell jokes, even if they are stupid. He never makes fun of me for being ditzy. He cooks me dinner when I am too tired to.

He may not always give me "me time" to read or watch the shows I want to watch, but he doesn't make me sit through hours of TV that I hate either. He is always wiling to compromise.

No, My husband is not perfect, as many profess their husbands to be. He has many faults. But he is perfect for me. He balances my impulsiveness with thoughtfulness. He balances my anger with calm. He loves me, even with no makeup on. He loves me in the morning with morning breath. He loves me when I am too tired to shower on the weekends. He loves me even when I am angry at him. And he loves me when I am impatient or rude. He loves me when I am caddy. He loves me when I gossip or say spiteful things. He loves me with all of my faults.

And I love him, with all of his.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Another fun fact

The word mesmerize is defined as, "to subject to mesmerism."

It comes from the man Franz Mesmer who was famous for putting people into trances and was discredited by Benjamin Franklin.

How I love the dictionary and the encyclopedia...

This fun fact was brought to you by "The Know it All." Really, you should read this book.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Military life... UGH

It has been two months and twenty four days since my husband left for war. It was been eight months since he activated and left home. He has now been gone for more of our marriage than he has been home.

I have made it my mission in life to find the blogs of other military wives... especially those with deployed husbands, but they are all making me sad. Most of us share a common bond. We all know what it's like to live in the military life. But so many of them are so different from me. I was hoping to find women who were just like me. People who understood me and saw the world from my perspective. But I found that many of them are wholly not the same.

Some are just now figuring things out. They haven't been in the military long and still look at it with idealistic eyes. Some are old souls with more experience then I have. (I take good notes when reading those blogs) Some aren't even in it yet. They are getting ready to become a military wife. None are me.

I should have guessed this. I should have known that all of our experiences are different. But here's where I'm at:

My husband left, voluntarily, for war shortly into our marriage. He is also a reservist, so I don't fit into a lot of military wife categories.

I don't miss him desperately anymore. I have reached a place that is a mixture of peace with life and heavy denial. It works for me.

I resent my husband for leaving me. He didn't even discuss it with me. He just came home one day and said, "Honey, I'm deploying." No room for my opinion, wants, or fears.

My husband doesn't get R&R. I have discussed this before, but really unfair.

I think wives are some of the best people in the world. They are strong and stoic. They are never ending in their patience and love. But their sadness is hidden from the world, because they have to be so strong all the time.



Today, I am preparing my home for guests. It is an old war buddy of my husbands. They were bunk mates during his first deployment and have an unspeakable bond. It borders on creepy. I don't understand it, but I respect it. I love this mans wife and they are coming to visit for the weekend. I'm very excited.

But today a funny thing happened. I read a blog, a military wife, deployed blog. She said she had been asked what was the worst thing about deployments. You have all heard me complain. The fear for his safety, your husband being gone ect, ect. But she mentioned being forgotten. At first, people all want to know how you are doing. Lots of emails and phone calls, but then it just stops. People forget about you. You seem to be doing ok, so they stop asking.

War Buddy and his wife are the only people who still check in on me and ask how I am doing. I never really thought about it much before today. But I have been forgotten.

I may not cry everyday, or feel pains in my heart at the mention of my husbands name, but I struggle. For instance, my cousin is getting married soon and she addressed the invitation to me AND my husband. I shouldn't have been upset, but I was. He's not here, how inconsiderate. Why invite him when you know where he is? It was extremely hurtful, though I know her intentions were kind.

People forget to be sensitive. They forget to see how you are holding up. True, I don't have major pity parties in my honor anymore. I have reached a level of acceptance for my life. This is how things are. I have not choice but to survive... preferably with a little dignity. But it would be nice for people to acknowledge how hard this is.

My husband is gone. Not on vacation or on a business trip, he has gone to fight a war. Opinions about this war are of no consequence to me, my husband fights it regardless of how I feel about it. His life is in danger everyday. He sees honor in what he is doing. I see strength. I see duty.

He is willing to die for his men. He is willing to take a bullet for them. He deployed to keep them safe because he wasn't sure someone else could. He left me during our first year of marriage. He left while we were still figuring things out, and now I have to do my first year of marriage all over again.

I struggle with that. The first year is your hardest, and I have to do it twice. Sucky... I can think of no other word.

So where does that leave me? I am a wife with no husband. I am married, with no spouse. I hate that. I hate that this is getting easier. I have grown more independent, more self sufficient. I don't need my husband like I used to. I hate that I don't need him anymore. I can live life comfortably on my own. I am no longer dependent on him. I hate that. I liked needing him. He liked being needed. Where does that leave us now?

I have all of these thoughts in my head. Worry for our marriage. Worry for our happiness. I know how hard it will be when he comes home. I worry about that. Readjustment is the hardest part of deployments. Not to mention, I worry about his safety and all that jazz.

All of this and no one seems to wonder how I am holding up. I have no one to talk to about it. I guess, even if they did ask, they wouldn't understand.

Don't get me wrong, I hate the looks I get when people find out my husband is deployed. I don't need your sympathy. I don't need your pity. I chose this life. I'm proud of my husband and I know a love that is stronger than most. I know I have enough strength to survive almost anything after this. I know the joy of reunions. I know pride, for my husband and for my country that most never border on. But I have pains the likes of which most will never feel. I long for my husband a way most will never endure. I worry with such fever, the like most will never know.

But in all of that, I, too, have been forgotten... Life has continued on and somewhere in the mix, I am just floating along.

No military wife blogs to keep me company, no empathetic friends to help me along. Just me, floating in the sea of life, waiting for my husband to return and make my life complete again...

The Know it all

Here's my latest book review.

AJ Jacobs' book, The Know It All: One Man's Humble Quest to Become the Smartest Person in the World.

AJ Jacobs, author of The Year of Living Biblically, has decided to read the entire Encyclopedia Britannica. He will take about a year to do this. Though he admittedly skims some parts of it, he generally reads all entires. 33,000 pages, 44 millions words, all of it. He decided to try out for Who Wants to be a Millionaire, and often tries to dazzle his friends and co-workers with his new found knowledge. This has hilarious consequences. Most people are less than interested and not impressed that there is a snail with five anuses.

I have not finished the book. I am only to the Q's, but I wanted to share with you some of the facts that I have learned thus far...

Quakers was originally a derogatory term for The Society of Friends because they would tremble at the word of God. They eventually adopted this term for themselves and now use it. That's why they are called Quakers.

Edgar Allen Poe married his thirteen year old cousin.

Impressionism was originally a used as a jeer by a journalist, but Monet and his pals liked it and adopted it as the name of their painting style.

Cool, right?

Though he is surely learning a world of knowledge, he often writes about the weird and factually obscure. He wants to be the smartest man alive, but only seems to remember the unusual.

This could have been a dry book about the inventor of the toilet and the storming of the Bastille, but he has turned it into a touching memoir full of unusual facts and entertaining anecdotes.

I am having a hard time remembering all of the fact that he has presented and am amazed at how much he is able to remember and call upon at will. I know I will be rereading this book... If not for the humor, then for the unusual tales of history.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Military Wife

This was posted on my husbands company family website. It was started as a way for families to meet and support each other during the deployment. A fellow wife found it and posted it. She doesn't know who wrote it.

I say, Hoorah to this.

You don't know.
But I'm the girl who cries every morning.
And hopes every night for his safe return home.
I'm the girl who drags herself out of bed every morning so that he will be proud of her when he comes home.
I'm the girl who lies in bed longing for him to be next to me.
I'mthe girl who sits quietly during class because all i can think about isthe next moment when he will safely be in my arms again.
You don't know.
But I'm the girl with a million things to say, but none will come out without the thought of him.
I'm the girl who checks my cell phone every 5 seconds
Just to make sure i haven't missed his call.
I'm the girl who stops and stares and wishes for him to return soon each and every time another man in uniform walks by.

What you don't know
Is that i know love on an entirely different level from most.
I know the love that spans time and space; the love that most people are constantly searching for.
I'm one of the girls who waits months for a single kiss;
A kiss that will make the months apart worth every second.
A kiss where everything in the world stops for what seems like an eternity.
You can see it in that person's soul and know that without them life could never be the same.

You tell me I'm too young to be so in love;
I know that love has no age limit.
You tell me i don't even understand what love is.
I tell you I know more love in homecoming than most know in a life time.
You don't know that every time he leaves a part of me goes with him and a part of him stays with me.
You tell me that people change but i tell you,
True love will always remain constant and steady.
You tell me you know how i feel and understand what I'm going through
you have no idea.
What you don't realize is that I understand the true meaning of not only love but of longing and anticipation.

You don't see
But I'm one of the few who gets goose bumps as my heart fills with pride every time the national anthem is played.
I'm one of the girls who will stand tall and stay strong on the outside
but I'm dying in the inside.
I'mone of the girls who will make friends with complete strangers for onlythey can begin to understand what I'm going through.
You don't understand
That i picture his face everywhere I go and that he is with me in everything I do.
You think I don't cry anymore, that i have gotten over it,
What you don't know is that i just hide it better.

You don't know
Thefeeling the first time you hear the word deployment or the feeling ofhis hand as it slides out of yours for what could be the last time.
You don't know
What that last hugs or kiss means and how important that goodbye truly is.
I'm the girl you see standing alone in the corner of the airport
Watching quietly out the window with tears rolling down my cheeks.
I'm the girl you see with a disheartened face
Staring silently at the ground.

What you don't know,
Is that I know true love
That no matter what obstacle we have to face,
Our love will live forever (that only we know)

You tell me that you support the troops;
I tell you, I'm in love with one.
I'm one of the silent, but outgoing;
Weak, but strong;
Scared, but grateful.

What you don't see is that he needs me and I need him.

I'm one of those girls: the girls who stand tall behind her Marine.
Stand proud behind her Hero.
Stands strong behind her man.
Watching silently and patiently as he serves and defends our country...

puppies!

It's puppy season at work. We see a few a day. Today a guy brought in a litter of Papillon puppies to get their first series of shots. They are eight weeks old.

I really want to adopt one! He keeps them until they are spayed, so I wouldn't get her for two more months. She will come spayed, with all her shots and litter trained! I won't even have to potty train her! The one I want is not show quality, but that makes her even more perfect. My dog is a beautiful, pure bred Miniature Pinscher, but she was the runt and is too small to be show quality. I have a soft spot for that kinda thing. This puppies colors are off, which disqualifies her. How perfect would that be!? She would be the same size as my dog too. They would be best pals.

I have emailed my husband about it and I already know he is going to say no. He made me promise that, while he was gone, I wouldn't adopt any pets, regardless of species, breed, age, health, or adorableness. I tried a few months ago, with a puppy from a rescue we work with at school. He was a puppy mill puppy and needed a good home. My husband shot it down right away. But it never hurts to ask. You never know... Right?

On a sad note, I messed up my finger at work today. I was drawing up vaccines and I somehow stabbed myself in the finger with a needle. It went in one side and out the other, really deep and in the middle of my finger. It's all swollen and bruised. There are two tiny punctures where it went in and out. It bled like a mother, and hurt like a bitch. Now my finger hurts... The hazards of working with that kind of thing, I guess. But it as a huge bummer to have to work with it like that all day.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

A job offer

My vet clinic might offer me a job. They need someone to work Saturdays and I only want to work one day a week. It's a perfect union.

Before you call me a hypocrite, let me explain a few things.

One, sterile procedure is important, but I guess there are things that can be fudged. We are taught the best, most ideal, most sterile way to do things in school. But many practices do things the way my practice does and, apparently, that is ok too. I didn't know that. But there are things that are ideal, that aren't always done in the real world. No animals are harmed, or put at risk, so it's ok to bend the rules.

Two, there are still two Vet assistants doing the job of Vet Techs. This is illegal and unethical. I, however, have not been forced to do any of these things. I simply say, "I don't think I'm legally allowed to do that, " and that seems to be ok. No arguments. I will not jeopardize my future career by doing something illegal. If I am asked to, I will refuse, if they insist, I will quit... Simple as that.

It's a good opportunity and I would be foolish to turn it down. The vet industry is not being hit as hard as other industries, but the economy is down. Many people are being forced into part time work to save money. That means the field is flooded with experienced people looking for more work. That makes it hard for someone like me, who is new to the field, to find work. Plus, it will be hard to find someone willing to work around my school schedule. I only want to work one day a week during school.

I need the experience to find a better job later. Ethically ambiguous, yes, but a good opportunity none the less.

I'm worried I won't be able to find anything else.

I haven't been offered the job yet. Today, there was discussion of it and it sounded like they want to. The techs I work with have been hinting to the head doc that they want me to be hired. But we will see. I may be thinking about this for nothing.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

A little late

So I realize that, in the midst of my insomnia, I didn't post anything about the Fourth Of July.

I'm a bad military wife!

Well here it is...

I love our country. Though I often joke that I'm going to move to Canada, the truth is, I love being an American and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

That being said, the Fourth totally bummed me out. It's my husbands favorite holiday. Obviously, he is a patriot, but he also loves to blow stuff up. It's sorta our special day. I'm not big on fireworks, but I support his love of them.

Days like Memorial Day and the Fourth are reminders that some of them don't come home. They remind me of all the men who are willing to give their lives for my freedoms. I feel very lucky to live in a country protected by people like my husband. Too often, they are over looked. People take their freedoms for granted these days. But I live in a world that is a constant reminder of those who fought, and died to give me mine. I live in a world where each day is a blessing. Each day, I thank God that my husband has survived again. I thank God that so did his men. I do not take my freedoms for granted.

I don't care about your opinions of the war. I do not have the luxury of opinions. My husband has to fight whether I agree or not. My husband is at war, regardless of how I feel about the president or 9/11. Opinions have no place in my life. I do however appreciate thanks. This life is not an easy one. I spend a lot of time away from my husband. This is likely only my first deployment, not my last. And it's nice to know that people out there appreciate our sacrifice.

The Fourth of July is celebrated because we fought for our freedoms. We have a military to protect and uphold those freedoms and I feel privileged that our military is a voluntary service. We do not force these men and women to protect our country, they choose to. I feel honored that there are people in this world who are willing to do that for me.

So, remember that the next time you are angry at congress. Or the next time the president does something you don't like. You have the freedom to disagree. That freedom is protected by our military, one that is voluntary and those men and women are willing to die to uphold that freedom... even though they have never met you, even if you are a jerk, even if you disagree with their politics, or dislike the government, or even dislike the military. They don't care. They believe in your freedom to feel that way and are willing to die so that you don't have to.

The Fourth bums me out because it's a day that reminds me of all of that. I will never be able to look at the fireworks with the same ignorance that I did as a child. It will always mean something more to me. And it will bum me out each time my husband has to miss it. He is the ultimate patriot.

Oh and by the way, he got gypped on the Fourth. The Marine Corps was supposed to give all the men two beers. Actual, alcoholic beers to celebrate the day and to thank them for serving. But at the last minute, they changed their minds and decided not to. After promising for a few weeks, they took it away. How crappy was that!? All they got was a cake.

So there is my semi-patriotic rant and pity party about Independence Day.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Chauvinism

We all love to use the phrase "chauvinistic pig," don't we, but did you know that the first definition of chauvinism is actually, "excessive or blind patriostism?"

Yep, it comes from a man by the name of Nicolas Chauvin. He was in the French army and was simpleminded in his love, of and loyalty, to Napoleon. So much so, that we refer to it as chauvinism. The whole men who don't like women is actually the third definition of the word. The second being, "undue partiality or attachment to a group or place to which one belongs to or has belonged."

I love the dictionary.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Merriam-Webster Dictionary

I have started this new trend in my life of looking up words in the dictionary.

It started a few weeks ago while I was reading the Twilight series... Yes, I too, as intellectual as my pursuits normally are, have been sucked into the Twilight universe. (Much to my chagrin) Surprisingly, she uses a number of words that I do not know.

I do not claim to have a huge vocabulary, but I can hold my own while talking with my friend who is going to school to be a librarian. She, by nature of her chosen career, has a large vocabulary and I'd like to think that I'm not far behind her. But I was caught of guard by the handful of $5 words in the Twilight series. I mean, they are teenybopper books. But I guess I like that she is trying to expand the minds of teenagers, even if it is with handsome vampires.

So I began to look up these words. Most, if not all of them, I can guess the meaning with context, but I want to have a concrete understanding of what I'm reading, so I look them up to be safe. And so began my new obsession.

I am now done with those books and The Year of Living Biblically. He also uses a number of obscure words and has a vocabulary that is too large for his own good. He can't help this of course, being a journalist by trade, but still, why use "teetotaler" when you can say he abstains from alcohol, or simply, he doesn't drink? I will never understand this, though I enjoy it. So I guess I'm a bit of a hypocrite.

But, teetotaler aside, I have begun looking up works I already know. Words that I can use in a sentence. Like arbitrary. I know this word, I use this word, but have you ever looked it up? It has a long list of definitions. We all know that it means "depending on individual discretion and not fixed by law" But there is also, "not restrained or limited in the exercise of power: ruling by absolute authority" and "based on or determined by individual preference or convenience rather than by necessity or the intrinsic nature of something"

Huh?

I find words that I know, but maybe have never really thought about and look them up. It's actually really interesting. Most words have more than one meaning and it's crazy to see what those meanings are, and how to use them.

So this is my new obsession. Looking words up in the dictionary. I don't think it's expanding my vocabulary. I promptly forget much of them as soon as I look them up, but it's interesting none the less. Some, words are so wacky that I have to remember them... Like teetotaler. What a great word, though I can't think of a situation in which I will ever be able to use it in a sentence.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Sleep Deprived

Maybe it's sleep deprivation, but I'm watching my dog and I am jealous.

I just got out of bed (not sleeping, reading sadly) and came down to feed my dog. She is already awake at this time, we usually get up at 7am, and she is patiently waiting for me to feed her. I give her her raw food. She loves it. She gets raw food in the morning and kibble at night. She looks forward to the morning. It tastes better.

After she has eaten she lazily lumbers into the living room. She picks a patch of carpet that has sun light and lies down. She loves to be warm almost as much as she loves raw food. This doesn't hold though, which brings me to watching my dog feeling jealous.

She walks into the kitchen and gets her favorite kind of chew, beef tendon. She is now lying in a patch of sun on the ottoman to my couch and intently chewing on her chewy (as I affectionately call them). Her eyes are closed and she is concentrating on just that. Nothing else. She is perfectly content, just as she is, chewing away on one of her many pleasures.

I do not have moments like this. Lost in the movement of my day, intent on my pleasurable activity, content with life. I read to pass the time and to have new things to think about. I watch TV, albeit rarely, I do watch it, also just to pass the time. No fruitful intentions. Just something to do. I don't often get lost in the moment, nor do I just live in the moment, content with life. I'm always thinking of the next thing on my list.

I wish I was more like my dog. I wish I was idelly chewing on my favorite thing, and, for the moment, content with life.

Insomnia wins again

The current time is 3:38 am. I have been in bed since 9:30 pm. I have yet to fall asleep.

This insomnia thing is really starting to get to me. If I fall asleep right now, and get eight hours of sleep, I won't wake up until 11:30 am. Half the day gone. I can't do it. I can't be in bed until noon. I never sleep for just eight hours. I am a nine to ten hour sleeper.

So I'm giving up. I have a good book and a whole early morning to kill. My dog is sleeping and we have a big fourth of July planned. She needs her sleep.

So I'm sitting in bed trying to think of ways to use this time wisely. I think I will fold laundry in a few hours. Maybe have an early breakfast.

I wish I could say that it's unusual for me to watch the sun rise. But this is more common that I would like. I don't even watch the sun rise anymore. It's only peaceful when you are well rested. When you are exhausted and dying for some shut eye, it's just another reminder of a night wasted.

I realized too late that I wasn't going to be able to sleep at all, so sleep medication was out. Not to mention that fact that I get a twelve hour hangover from that stuff. Not much fun. But I can live without sleep. I do it all the time. A little caffeine and I'm good to go for another day.

Current time is now 3:44 am. And I have not so much as nodded off for a few minutes. Hopefully tomorrow brings a better night.

Friday, July 3, 2009

The Urge to Purge

Ok, So I'm reading my book, A Year of Living Biblically. I love it. I forgot how funny it is. But I took a break to do laundry and started thinking that I have way too much stuff.

My husband and I have been battle this for years. We purge all the time. We have so much stuff that our tiny little house is full. It's not cluttered. But I like a sparse existence. I don't want tons of stuff. I want minimal amounts of stuff. I go through my closet all the time and try to get rid of clothes. I can't part with books, so I have learned to accept my ever growing library. But why do I have so much crap!?

I just emptied out a draw of clothes and got rid of stuff in my closet. A whole box of clothes and it barely made a dent. I need a bigger closet. Half of my husbands clothes are in vacuum saver bags, what will I do when he gets home? I haven't gone shopping once since he's been gone, but somehow my clothes are over running the closet.

Our spare bedroom is full of boxes too. We need to get rid of more stuff, but how? I try, but it seems like we need everything. You always need spare sheets and blankets for guest. We have board games that we play. I scrap book. Not to mentions the many sets of dress blues and various versions of my husbands uniforms. Alphas, deltas, charlies. You name it, we have them. Plus all my formal gowns from ball. In all fairness, I reused all my old gowns from high school, but still, they clutter up the closet in the spare room. And photo albums... Don't get me started on how many photo albums we have. But how do you get rid of things like that? You can't.

So now I'm stuck. I want to purge. I want to get rid of all superfluous items. We just donated like five boxes of crap to charity. I have one more, it not two. And we still have crap.

I can't wait to have our attic finished. I know we will still have all the crap, but it won't be cluttering up my house anymore. Out of sight, out of mind. All the stuff that we want to keep, but have no use for, will be out of my house, sort of.

I hate it when I get the urge to purge. And, with my husband gone, it's not like I can just start tossing stuff. He needs a say too.

Ugh... Am I the only person in the world with this problem? It's such a crappy, excessive way to live. I say UGH to excess.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Freedom Calls Foundation Correction

The service is free to military families.

They also set up internet and calls centers on bases in Iraq so that servicemen can call home for free!

I really wish they had a center set up where my husband is... It would save us a fortune is calling cards. :(

Freedom Calls Foundation

Hey all!

Here's a great non-profit that you military spouses should check out. It's called Freedom Calls Foundation.

They help deployed servicemen connect via satellite with their families for important events.

A wife in my unit just used them for the birth of her child. They set up a monitor in the room so her husband could watch the birth of his child. She was able to talk to him and so were his family members! How awesome is that!?

I guess they will do this for many reasons. If you have a dying family member, they will work to set this up so that the serviceman can have one last conversation with the person.

I don't know what the application process is like or the restrictions. I know that they are not in Afghanistan yet. I think it might cost something... The article I read was not clear on that. It sounds like it's a flat (discounted) rate to talk to a family member. It would cost thousands of dollars to do it any other way.

I'll check out the website and if there is anymore info on it, I will post it here. But you all should google them and see what they are all about.

Spread the word.