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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: March 2009

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Nothing much to say today...

Weird right? I always have something to say...

It was an uneventful weekend. But my husband comes home for his 10 day leave this week and I go in for my endoscopy on Friday. Puppy is not sick any more and the vet assured me that she will eat if she gets hungry enough, so for now I am just letting her be. It's really hard though. She so little, I worry about her not eating. But my new vet says she is ok and that it's probably just a phase. She also says Pups is a smidge too heavy. She is only 5.14lbs but should be closer to 4.5lb. So I guess not eating won't kill her.

I'm just being over protective, I guess.

That's really it. School is fine. I'm still staying on top of my stress and I'm almost half way done with this sequence. It's not so hard as I thought, but not super easy either. We'll have to see how finals go though.

It has really been a blah couple of days and seems like the start of a rather blah blah blah week...

Maybe it's me that is feeling blah... I suppose I'm feeling rather blah right now and that is coloring my world in shades of blahness.

We'll see how tomorrow goes.

Friday, March 27, 2009

My blog is my only friend right now :(

My husband is home. But he made plans to go out with a friend tonight. If I push, I'm sure he will let me come along...

Lately, it feels like the only place to vent is in my blog. I have one or two people who listen to me, but the reality is, I have very few friends. Don't get me wrong, I kinda like that. But when your best friend is leaving for a seven months (my husband), it's hard to feel happy about having only one or two friends.

I have tons of acquaintances. Lots of people that I know. People who occasionally call to see what I'm up to or who myspace me, but I wouldn't call them friends. They aren't people to lean on when things get tough. They aren't even people I talk to regularly. I have never been good at making real friends. I'm not good at that kind of thing. I can get along with anyone, but there are few people that I truly like in this world. Tolerance and like are not the same thing. :) I also don't really know how to make friends. How often is too often to email or call? How much is too much information? These are questions that no one has ever been able to answer for me. So I often don't make friends, because I lack the tools neccessary to. That just isn't something I learned on my way through life.

I didn't used to get lonely. I love to read and do lots of solitary things, so I never had a problem being by myself. But now I do get lonely. I met my husband and we became inseparable right away. So I've had my best friend with me all the time for the last 3 years. I guess I've kinda gotten used to it. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with him gone.

I'm trying to put myself out there. I've thought about joining a club or something, but I've never been good at that kinda stuff either. I have pretty bad social anxiety. So the idea of joining a group by myself just doesn't sound like fun. I'm working on it. I am trying to be more receptive to getting to know people... So far, I've come up with nothing, but who knows, seven months is a long time.

I'm sure I will be fine... School keeps me pretty busy, so that is something.

Who knows, maybe I will meet my new best friend this year and never look back... I doubt it, but it could happen.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Puppy is sick... again!

Well, she hasn't been eating right for a month now. We've tried everything, including a visit to the vet.

She was eating ok, I mean some is better than nothing, and just stopped eating again. Then she vomited on Tues and I didn't think much of it. I figure she ate too fast or something, but today she has bad diarrhea.

I just don't know what is going on with her. She seems fine otherwise. She isn't presenting any other signs of being ill. She just wont' eat. And now has tummy troubles. I feel so bad for her. She is always at the vets office. If it's not one thing, it's another.

I'm hoping that this new vet will be able to pin point her troubles and we will start to see a healthy Puppy on the mend.

I'll update my blog again, after we go to the vet today at 4pm.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Reading sucks...

I should be reading right now. I am always reading. WE don't get much homework and, when we do, we get like a week to get it done. It's actually pretty nice, but the reading is killing me.

Text books are boring. Technical text books are worse. Mine are all technical text books. If you think filing medical records is boring, try reading about filing medical records. So awful. It is not even a little interesting. It sucks. I know it's all stuff I need to know, but there has got to be a better way to learn it all.

That's what I'm going to do... I'm going to write an interesting text book that isn't boring to read... I wonder if anyone would buy it? Or is it a requirement that text books be dry? Maybe no one would be interested in an interesting text book.... HMMM. Something to think about.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Hurray for surgery!

So today was a pretty cool day at school...

School it's self was stressful and boring. We are getting ready for that test on instruments and it isn't going well for me. I am so confused. I am going to have to study my ass off to get it a good grade. So much in fact that I had to cancel dinner plans this Wed with my cousin so I can study instead. I'm really bummed about it.

But after school was surgery practicals. Every week we do surgery at school. Monday is intake day, when the new patients come in and get blood work done and stuff like that. Tues is Surgery day. Wed is a day of rest for the animal and Thursday they get to go home. We work with a few shelters to get the animals. We do the surgery for free in exchange for getting to practice our skills on animals.

So I like to stay and observe on surgery day. I'm not ready to be on a surgical team, but I love to watch and learn what there is to do and stuff. Well I was observing a surgery today and the doctor needed assistance. And she picked me! I had to hold a leg off while she removed a dew claw. I know it doesn't sound like much, but it was really cool. My hand started to cramp and she forgot to tell me to release my grip until she was almost done. But it was so neat to be right there and not just watching. It was so cool. I'm really excited for getting to watch more surgeries and starting to participate in them.

On a sad note, Puppy will be going in for surgery on the 7th of April. She has a staple in her that needs to be removed and some kind of sebacous gland, bizarre thing on her tummy that needs to be removed. The vet in charge of my program didn't know what it was, but agreed that the staple and the "thing" needed to be removed. I'm a little worried, since Puppy is sensitive to anesthesia. But I'm sure it will be ok.

The sad thing is, we took her into the vet and insisted that there was a staple left in her stomach and the vet insisted that it wasn't a staple! So now we are looking for a new vet. Bummer, I really liked our vet, but it isn't the first time we have had problems with her and this time we just can't over look it. It's a freaking staple for goodness sakes! How can you not see that. It's clear as day. So I took her into school and we are doing the surgery there. On the bright side, it will be for free! Can't beat that.

So that was my awesome day! I got to assist on a real surgery.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

The stress comes in waves...

Well, it's the end of the first week of school and it all went along very uneventfully. But it ended on a sour note. A test Monday about office procedure and a test Friday on surgical instruments. You would think it would be easy, but it is not. Office procedure is a pretty vague description of a test. It could mean anything and half of what she told us to study is no where in our notes. Surgical instruments is a whole other ball game... they all look the same and have very different uses. It will be very complicated to learn them all and their accurate descriptions.

So much for a stress free weekend. I've been cleaning and studying and not making much head way on either...

To top it off, my husband and I are fighting again... He comes home with a very "military" manner of being and often feels it is appropriate to talk to me that way... I am not some dopey PFC that he can talk down too. We are working on it. He gets so focused on the Marine Corp that he forgets to "turn it off" when he gets home. It's not so big a deal now. I mean, i get irritated sure, but once I point it out to him, he is normally pretty receptive... I'm worried about when he gets home. I don't even want to think about the grace period that is going to have to happen. It's going to be hard for him to adjust, and I have a very low tolerance for being talked down to. I guess we'll just have to see how it goes...

For now, I'm stressed. School is turning out to be stressful much quicker into the sequence than it has been previously. And with my husbands departure date looming in the distance I just don't think I'm going to be getting any sleep. I mean, I woke up at 5 am this morning and it's a freaking Sunday! My stomach is acting up again too. Part of me will be so relieved when he is gone. At least some of that stress will be gone. But I suppose it will be replaced with a new, different kind of stress. So maybe it won't fix much. I bet I won't have good nights sleep until he gets home. Bummer.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Marine Corps Wife

I read a great quote just now that I find particularly fitting given my current military situation.

"If the Marine Corps wanted him to have a wife, they would have issued him one."

Sounds about right... And when I think about how tough it can be, I think this will always make me smile.

This life may not be for everyone, but I'm stuck with it and am determined to make the best of it, regardless of how hard it can be. I don't think it's easy and I don't think anyone can do it, but I can. I may have days I hate it, and days that I don't think life is fair, but I wouldn't trade my husband for anything and the Marine Corps is kinda a package deal. Besides, I think he would drive me nuts if he wasn't in. I encourage him to stay in every chance I get.


Stress free... for now

Well, it's the start of a new term. A new 6 weeks of cramming information down my throat and hoping I remember it all.

Since it's the first week, it's going pretty well. It's always easy at the beginning. It's the last few weeks that are tough and make me want to rip all my hair out while I drop out of school.

I've been entertaining that idea alot lately. Dropping out. I would feel like a failure if I did, but damn it, it sounds like a good idea when I'm super stressed and ready to cry. I don't think I will do it. I keep saying "it's temporary." I mean, it's only a year and a half more and I will be done. Well, it's more like a year and 3 months. But I get so stressed... I'm an over achiever to the core. I am a perfectionist and it's impossible to meet those standards in this program. It's designed to trip you up. The test are designed to prevent getting 100%. I don't know why they do it, but it's supposed to be extra hard. I got a 99% in one class and a 96% in the other. Good grades by all accounts, but I nearly cried when I got that 96%. I got a 96% on my final and I got a 95% on one of my other tests. That's why the grade was low. I was bummed. I know, I know, a 96 is still good. I should be happy.

But the reality is that I am a perfectionist and that 96 just doesn't sit well with me. I'm working on that. It's too stressful to put that kind of pressure on myself. It's stupid really. I should be happy to be in the top of my class and a 96 is a solid A. I'm working on it. I'm doing the self talk, you know, "a 96 is a good grade. Be happy." That kind of thing, but it's just not working. I'm going to have to be ok with it, but until then, I'm pretty bummed about my 96.

On the bright side, it didn't hurt my chances of getting into the externship site that I want. It's competitive. I have to have a 3.6 GPA or higher to get in. But I'm competing with other people, so I want to have a higher GPA. My goal is a 3.9. We'll see, I may bomb a final and dash that dream. You never know. It's really hard to get the hospital I want to do my extern at.

Until then, I'm doing ok. I love having a low key week at school and I'm looking forward to the week with no real homework. I'll let you know how I am doing when things start to pick up, but chances are, I'll be ready to drop out of school in no time. :)

Thursday, March 12, 2009

My Poor Husband

My husband is super busy right now, we barely have time to talk...

I honestly don't know why. I try to understand, but he speaks a military language that I don't understand. He explained that some where along the way some one messed up and now he has to fix it. That's the gist of it.

I feel so bad, but half the time I can't follow what he says. I know enough military speak to get by, but when it comes to his MOS he might as well be speaking chinese. But I do know that his days have been long and stressful. He has hardly had time to talk and normally is too tired to talk for long when he can call.

It doesn't help that I'm sick and tired, so I'm not a great joy to carry on a conversation with. Yes, I'm still sick. This cough just won't let up. So he gets to come home to a sick wife, a dirty house and a bored dog in desperate need of a walk.

It's weeks like this that I feel terrible. Like I'm not a good wife. I know I go to school full time, but I still have enough hours in the day to clean and do the dishes. I should be able to be on top of everything. But lately, I have been failing miserably in that department. I had finals this week and the week leading up to them was stressful. So my poor husband has been coming home to a messy house (well, as messy as I can let it get, which I guess isn't so bad in the grand sceme of life) and has been doing laundry for me and everything. Just what he needs right?

So I feel like this terrible wife. We agreed early on that I would work part time so I can take care of the home. But I'm not doing a very good job of that. My poor dog is totally neglected. She needs to go to doggy day care or something. And my poor husband is coming home and picking up after me. If I'm feeling up to it, I might clean this weekend, but I'm pretty worthless when I'm sick.

I just hope we can have a low key weekend. I don't have any homework for a few days and we don't have any plans (that I know of). Hopefully I can rest and start to feel better and get some stuff cleaned up before he gets home. I don't want to make him clean the house after the week he has had.

Monday, March 9, 2009

I hate being sick

So I'm wicked sick...

I ran a fever all weekend and have been coughing up a lung since thursday. It sucks. I hate feeling sick. I feel so helpless. To make matters worse, my husband made me feel bad for being sick. He doesn't do well, when I don't feel well. He sulked all weekend.

We had dinner plans that we couldn't get out of on Saturday and by the end of it, I felt like I'd been hit by a bus. My fever spiked, my head hurt, I was coughing badly, and just all around not well. I refused to do anything on Sunday, especially since I had tried to do stuff on Saturday and it didn't work out. My husband just sulked all day. He would do things for me, if I got insistent enough, but I had to really have the energy to insist, which most of the time I didn't.

It sucks. I wish I had a husband who would take care of me when I'm that sick. I understand his frustration, I mean, I'm frustrated at missing out all weekend too. But he actually told me that he was upset that we waisted a weekend. What was I supposed to do? Go out and do things while coughing so hard I wanted to throw up? Ignore my fever and hang out with friends? I mean, I couldn't do much. It made me feel horrible that he said that. Like I got sick on purpose or something.

It was a really crappy weekend. And now, I have to take all my finals while wicked sick. I can't miss them, because I can't make them up... SO I'm stuck going to school while I'm super sick.

It just all around blows.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Still having a bad day...

Ok, so when you call your wife and she says she is having a bad day, it is not appropriate to say "sorry honey, I'm going out with the guys."

You talk to her and listen. You don't tell her to go to bed at F******* 7pm. That is not helpful. Going to bed at 7pm never helped anyone. Telling her to play with the dog, also not helping.

Bailing on her to go drinking with your buddies... Not Cool!!!!!

My husband doesn't want me to go out with people during the week. The last time I did, he called me and I said I couldn't talk and it turned out badly. He gets all pissy. He wants me sitting at home waiting for his call. But he can, at any time, bail on our nightly phone call to go out with his friends. Does that sound fair?! I have to sit at home and wait for his call, but he doesn't have to call me.... That is F******* bull shit.

It's times like these that I struggle to remember why I got married at all. What good does it do to have a husband that is never there for you... He lives away from home, he bails on me when I need him. What good does it do to have him around at all?

I know I shouldn't feel that way, but this isn't the first time that he has bailed on my bad day to go out drinking with friends. He comes home and tells me he misses me, but when I need to talk to him, he tells me to go to bed early and play with the dog.

Either I'm a very patient wife most of the time and don't normally notice this behavior, or he is really terrible at being there for me. It seems like this happens all the time. When it really counts, he fails miserably.

Rough day...

So today was a rough day...

No real reason. You know how you just start a day wrong. I did that. I started it out... well just wrong. I didn't have time to study for my test, so I got a less than stellar grade I'm sure. That didn't help things.

I think it's spill over from yesterday to tell you the truth. Yesterday was a crappy day and it sorta spilled onto today, permanently tainting it.

I had to meet with some people about my house payment. It was late because the military didn't pay us. (We ares till waiting for the check) So that was sucky. They wanted to go over our budget, but they added all kinds of expenses that we don't have. Like cloths and cars and stuff... We don't pay $600 a year on cloths or our cars We get our car work done for free by a friend and I can't remember the last time I went shopping let alone spent money on cloths. It was really messed up. By the time they were done, they claimed we were over spending each month by $1000!!!! It's not even possible for us to do that. We don't have enough room on our credit cards to over spend a grand a month. We would be in serious amounts of debt if we did and we aren't. We pay cash for everything.
It's this military only non-profit that helps military families in need. We needed money for our house payment. They gave it to us, but with a huge lecture about how we need to spend money better! We barely make enough to survive. We are eeking by on what my husband makes because I don't work, I go to school. We don't have much left over and what we do have goes to things like groceries. I don't need a lecture about being broke. I live it everyday. It's easy to tell someone they need to manage money better when you have enough to go around. Excuse me for wanting to buy food. I'll take all that into account the next time I'm hungry and can't afford the drive to the store to buy food... Dicks.

To make matters worse, that whole deal took like 2 and a half hours out of my day. Then I got stuck in rush hour traffic trying to get home. So by the time I got home, fed pups dinner, and ate myself, I only had like an hour to study for my test.

I went to bed feeling very defeated. I knew we were broke, but I didn't know how broke until I met with those people. So when I woke up today I was in a foul mood about it all. Then I took the test and didn't do so well. I know I passed, but I"m used to getting 100% on my tests. I am a very good studier, but this time, I just couldn't get it done. So now my grade point average is down...

Then I came home and had to eat then run to the dentist. That is always on my top list of ways to make a good day better So, I got to go down and get my tooth fixed (finally!) and sit in the not quite rush hour, but sucky anyway traffic.

So here I am, having a rough day. It's days like today that I wish my husband were home. Normally, I don't mind him being gone. I get to watch whatever I want on TV and eat all the good stuff before he gets home on the weekends. I sleep in the middle of the bed and can go to bed whenever I want. He doesn't wake me up in the morning (he's noisy when he gets ready for work) and I get that much more sleep. But when I'm having a bad day, it would be nice to have a husband at home to hug me and tell me tomorrow will be better.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Sick... again

Well, it was my big anniversary weekend!!! One year, it's hard to believe, but true.

It was pretty good... We spent Saturday doing married couple things (like going to Bed, Bath and Beyond), it was pretty low key. Then we went to one of our favorite places, but it's pricey, so we can only eat their every few months. It was awesome. I had crap legs, of course, and my husband had filet minion. Our server was the best and they even wrote "happy first anniversary" on our dessert plates and gave us a little card. It was a great evening.

Today started well. We got up to go to the commissary to go grocery shopping and were going to go back to the scene of the crime (for those of you who don't know, we got married at the aquarium). We had a pretty great day planned. We headed up to the commissary and decided to stop for breakfast. Well, that wasn't such a great idea. We finished eating and got back on the road just in time for me to start feeling really sick. We ended up stopped on the side of the road so I could puke my guts out! It was horrible. We did manage to grocery shop, but barely. I felt so sick the whole time.

We ended up stuck at home so I could hang out on the couch in my PJ's. My husband kept busy, but I know he was disappointed. He was so great though. He did laundry for me and cleaned so I wouldn't have to get up. On the bright side, I got all my homework done... Being stuck on the couch will do that. But it was a pretty sad ending to what should have been an amazing weekend. I just seem to have a knack for getting sick at all the wrong times.

At least we weren't on vacation this time.