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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: February 2009

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Does the Military ever do anything right?

Ok, so there is an old adage in the military that everything is subject to change (usually without notice).

Well, welcome to military life. We are supposed to get a paycheck at the end of each month. We get paid our normal pay the 1st and 15th. Then we get our "per diem" paycheck the last week of the month. My husband and I rely on that check to pay our end of the month bills. We were also using it to save up so we could start paying out house payment on time. (we have been paying it late for like 3 months)

This month, we were supposed to get it and pay our bills then immediately pay our house payment (on time). We just paid the house payment a few weeks ago (late) and this was our month to catch up. Well, the person in charge of processing the per diem claim screwed it up and now we aren't getting it for a while. They can't even say when.

I hate the military some times. They are the only people in the country that can say "sorry you just aren't getting paid, we'll get back to you" Did you know that that is actually illegal for companies to do? You can be paid early, but you can't be paid late, except in the military. No wonder our government is so screwy sometimes...

I really wanted to be caught up, financially, this month. It's such a bummer to be at the will of some of the stupidest people on earth. And what makes it worse is that the person who screwed it up doesn't even get in trouble or suffer a consequence. He is active duty, which means he isn't deployed and doesn't get a per diem. It's no skin off his back to not have that paycheck come, it doesn't even matter to him. I bet if he was relying on that money, he would double check his work before submitting it to be processed.

AAAHHHGGG! Military life sucks sometimes.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

3 am

I have been up since 3 am. I popped awake and couldn't fall back asleep. This is the third night in a row that I have been up before 4 am. I just can't seem to sleep. It's now been two weeks and counting since I last slept the whole night through.

I am also having a renew voraciousness of panic attacks. They aren't really bad, in fact, they are fairly mild compared to the ones I used to have. But I am on a medication that is supposed to prevent them, so the fact that I am having them at all is bad news. I do think the med is the reason they are not worse, but it sucks to wake up at 3 am and start having panic attacks at 3:30.

I'm having them at school now too... Don't get me started on school. The stress is really getting to me, I think that is why I'm not sleeping and having panic attacks. I just don't seem to handle stress well...

I wasn't alway like this. I used to be normal. I have always had bipolar, and I have always had issues with it, but this weakness of mind is new. I didn't start having panic attacks until a few years ago. They got so bad that I couldn't leave the house, even to go to work. It's only been a few months since they have gotten better. But now I can't handle any sort of stress at all. My stomach gets tied in knots and I can't sleep. Once I start losing sleep I start having panic attacks. Then I can't sleep because I am having them. IT becomes a terrible cycle and I am stuck in it right now.

I used to be fairly normal. I could handle work and school at the same time. I could laugh at things and feel sad about things without going off the deep end. I could be stressed a normal amount. A few years ago, I seemed to have lost my edge. ANd now, I can't handle anything without falling apart.

It's a very weird position to be in. I know how i used to be and what I used to handle and now I here I am, the complete opposite. I feel weak.

Monday, February 23, 2009

BAAAHHH!!!

So my husband veto'ed the Disney World trip... Something about being responsible adults and not spending all of our extra money on vacations anymore. It sucks to grow up. Since I have turned 18, I have taken a trip every year. This will be my first year missing that and I am about to turn 26. I'm super bummed. But I guess he is right. Gone are the days of spending all year to save for a big trip and having nothing left over. It is time to grow up.

We have entered the time of adult hood. Home ownership. Responsibility. Gone are the days of frivolous spending and going out all night, spending all our money in bars with friends and taking crazy vacations across the country. It sucks. I wish I were, even just, three years younger. I was still young and crazy back then.

To make this more depressing, I haven't slept in a week and a half. I would give anything for a few days off of school to just lay in bed and sleep. My weekends are just as full as my weekdays, even more so when my husband comes home. I could really use a break from life.

Homework is bogging me down and I just can't seem to catch up. I'm still doing great in school. I just got a bunch of tests and assignments back and I got 100% on all of it. But I'm behind on my reading with no end in sight.

My husband is gone, so I am feeling pretty lonely. I'm stressed (not sleeping is really stressful, not to mention the stress of school) and don't know when that is going to clear up. Things are just really tough right now.

Welcome to adulthood, right?

Friday, February 20, 2009

can't sleep... Urg!

Ok, so I decided to take today off of school...

I haven't had a good night sleep in a week and was beat. I started taking Ambien last night and was worried about getting a "hangover" effect from it. So I called off of school and tried to get some sleep.

I woke up this morning at 5:30am because I had a dream that I couldn't breath. I wasn't suffocating in real life, but the dream was bad enough to get me up. I called the girls I carpool with to let them know I couldn't make it and tried to go back to sleep. I gave up at 7 am. I feel sick from not sleeping. I feel awful. I'm exhausted, but no matter what I do I can't sleep.

This sucks.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Disney World Here I Come!!!!!

Ok, so I was talking to a friend today... Totally innocuous. But one thing led to another and we started talking about traveling. We both wanted honeymoons. I was sick during mine, so it was sorta a bust, and she never got one.

A little background first. my husband comes home right around when I get a break from school. We have been wanting to plan a trip for then and hadn't decided where to go. We have talked, a lot, about Disney World. We decided that it would be too expensive to do the trip that we wanted and that we should look else where.

Well, talking with my friend today we started talking about travel, and "our" trip to WDW. We have been wanting to go together for a while. We got to talking and wondered why we can't go in December when my husband and I had talked about going anyway. Well, one thing led to another and we decided to go the four of us! (her husband too). We will both be able to have the honeymoons of our dreams and it will be so much fun to have another couple with us! (Every time my husband and I go to WDW, we say how much more fun it would be if we had friends with us)

So I called Disney to ask about prices and get some rough estimates. Well, they are offering a temporary military discount! Cheap, DELUX, room with free park tickets!!!!!!! It was such a good deal. She priced it for me without the discount and it would cost us $8000 more dollars to go without it! What a deal!!! So I booked the trip. I haven't run it by hubby yet, but I didn't want all the discounted rooms to fill up. I can always cancel if he really doesn't want to go. But I can't imagine he will say no.

I'm so excited. It so not my style to do anything rash, so I feel weird having booked the trip without talking to anyone first, but I couldn't pass up the deal. And I'm not out anything to book it, since I can cancel it for free. But I still feel weird doing things on a whim. I just wish I could call my friend to tell her the good news (she's at school right now). I can't wait to call her tomorrow!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Is there ever enough time?

I came home, did the dishes and called a friend. We are carpooling to a military event together this weekend and need to iron out the details. What should have been a 15 minute phone call turned into an hour and a half. Geesh...

So then I had to rush to a dr appointment that I was now running late to. Was there for an hour. Came home and needed to go through some filing which ended up taking a half hour. So now it's 3:45. I had to shred some stuff, which took for ever and needed to do some homework. That only took a half hour, but still... So, now it's well past four and I haven't watched any tv or read the rest of my homework (all three chapters of it). I shredded some more stuff (our shredder over heats easily) checked my email, sorted through it to clean out my in box and fed pups dinner.

It's now 5:38pm, I have to get in the shower at 7 to be in bed by 8:30 and I still have to read, eat dinner and pick up some prescriptions that I dropped off earlier.

Is there ever enough hours in the day? I'm taking a break right now, but seriously, I have to get back to work and all I want to do it watch tv. I haven't watched tv in a week, literally. My Tivo is full and I have no time to watch it.

All I want is a break.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Studying blows

Ok, so I'm taking a short break from studying.

My teacher told us last week we have a test tomorrow. No big deal. But she waited until today to say "oh, by the way, you need to study every hand out I have ever given you and reread two chapters out of the book for the test tomorrow." Really!?

One night is all she gave us to prepare for this test. That is such a joke. I've been studying since 2pm and I still haven't reread the chapters. This is crap. How are you going to spring that on the class one night before the test. What if I had to work today? I would surely be failing the test. I'm so pissed off about it.

All I wanted to do was to take a shower and go to bed early. But that isn't going to happen now.


This sucks.

Puppy is A OK!

Well, I went to pick up Puppy last night and she was doing great...

She went down without a fight, which is weird for her. She woke up and was happy as can be, no whining, also weird for her. But I picked her up and she was happy and ready to go home.

When I got her home, it was like nothing had even happened to her. She had a shot of pain medicine going through her, but she was playing and chewing on stuff. It was great to see her doing so well. When we spayed her, she was miserable. She whimpered and whined and was just not feeling well. But this time around, she was doing great.

I gave her her pain meds today, but she wasn't even acting like she needed them. I took her to school for a lab. We were practicing checking patients hear rates and stuff. She did fine. She got a little bored, but other than that she did great.

I'm so relieved!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Puppy's Teeth

Puppy has all of her puppy teeth still. I know, crazy right? Well, she lost her molars, but her canines and everything else are still there. She was supposed to have them removed when she was spayed, but since the surgery was complicated, they weren't able to take them out.

We waited for them to fall out on their own, but a few weeks ago I gave up and took her into the vet. They aren't even loose. So there is no way they are going to fall out on their own. They aren't causing any problems. Her permanent teeth fit in just fine right behind them. They aren't even starting to rot or anything, but it's time they came out... sooner rather than later.

She is going in today, in about 15 minutes, at 2pm. I'm very worried about it. She reacts so poorly to aenestisia. I'm worried that it will be complicated like last time and her heart will start to waver again. She has a good vet, but I still worry.

This is way I've started brushing her teeth... Sounds silly, but we can't afford to put her under to get her teeth cleaned all the time. It's just too much of a risk. So I brush her teeth once a week. In reality, people should be in the habit of brushing their dogs (and cats too) teeth, it's just good practice to prevent dental disease. But most don't and I was one of those people who never did it to my pets. But now I do...

So that is what's going on with Puppy's Teeth.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

I hate Tricare!!!!!

For those of you who don't know, Tricare is the free health coverage that the military offers active duty members and their families. Oh, and did I mention that I hate it?

I have been dealing with them for a month now with no light at the end of the tunnel. First it was impossible to transfer care. Then I finally did and thought I was free and clear. I went to the Dr an hour early, like they told me, to find out that I didn't need to. They wanted me to transfer my medical records so that my new doctor could treat me, but they didn't wait for the records to get their before taking me back to see her. So I was there an hour early for nothing. But my doctor was nice... SO that was a bonus.

Well, she put in for a referral and it went through just fine. Bonus. But today I logged on to the website to try to make a doctors appointment... Those of you who have read my previous blog already know I've tried with no success. But I tried again anyway. Well, it didn't say I wasn't authorized, no it just said that my doctor isn't available. I tried all sorts of different approaches, even an "urgent care" approach and couldn't get in to see her. Really!!!? The Tricare hand book says that I am guaranteed an appointment within a week. Yeah right. I can't even get in to see her. Never mind that fact that I need a prescription filled. Never mind that I am "guaranteed" health care.

And to make my frustration worse, half their website is down. I can't do any of the things they say I can do online. I have never been on the site when it was all working the way it says it should.

Welcome to socialized health care. This is what it would be like for every American if our government was in charge of health care. I don't think there is a single military person who would recommend letting our government be in charge of some thing that important.

I'm a firm believer in the voting process and checks and balances and all of that. I believe that democracy is pretty great, but I'll say it again, Fuck the Government.

I am so tired of nothing working the way it should and everything being covered with miles of red tape. It's such BS.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

I hate homework

Ok, so I know I should be doing homework right now, but I really needed a break.

This sequence in school is not so bad. Last sequence was 3-4 hours of homework a day with reading and studying for test each week as well. That really sucked. This time around, it's not so bad. I had a week to do two reports and they only took a few hours to do. But the reading is killing me.

It doesn't seem like much, a chapter or two every few days, but the chapters are like 60 pages long with really fine print! It takes forever to read. And to make matters worse, I got behind in my reading last weekend. I got busy to doing laundry and stuff and didn't get a chapter read. Then I had reports to do and some other stuff and the reading just kept piling up. So I got some done yesterday and tried to get the rest done this afternoon, but I have been reading for hours with no end in sight.

It's not even interesting this time... Blood transfusions for dogs, hmmm, seems like it would be super interesting to read, but it's not. Neither is fluid retention rates or IV drips... Blood sedementation, boring. It just goes on and on and on...


ARRRGGG! I have to get this done! But I really don't want to.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Finally some good news!

Ok, so I know my blogs have been a bit of a bummer lately... It seems like we just can't catch a break, but we are finally in the black again!

It's sorta hard to explain, but here it goes...

My husband gets a per diem because they aren't feeding them over there. Well, we thought that per diem was included in our paycheck that we receive two times a month. It turns out that that is not the case. The per diem is actually given out in a separate check. So all this time, we have been broke, but we were missing over $1100 from our paycheck. So just before the first we received a random paycheck! It was a very pleasant surprise.

I was able to pay a bunch of bills and then got paid again a few days later! So by the first of March, we should be totally caught up and in the black again!

It also means that I can banish the horrible word, "work" from my vocabulary! I was supposed to go back last week, but I had a bunch of doctors appointments, so I was going to go back this week, but then we got that check!

Isn't it nice when stuff like that happens... I can't wait until we are all caught up on our bills! The first thing I'm going to do is go grocery shopping! No more Top Ramen for this house wife!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Doggies

Well, today we restrained dogs...

It went really well. I brought my dog along to be a handled and to use for practice. She did really well. At first she wasn't really thrilled about being handled and restrained, but she did it. After a while, she got used to it and was sorta ok with it.

It was weird, but holding down a dog was a bit trickier than holding down a cat... They don't squirm as much, but the big dogs take a lot of strength to get a hold of and to control. It's worse when they resist.

It was a super productive day. But now I have to catch up on my reading and do some homework.

I wish every day was a lab day at school.

Friday, February 6, 2009

I can hold down a cat, can you?

Ok, so today was an interesting day at school.

Animal restraint... Cats to be specific. We've been talking about it for a few days, but today we had actual cats to practice on. What a weird thing to do.

I understand that we will be doing it all the time at work, but most of the cats were really docile. So not really your typical cat in the vets office. But it was fun... We practiced all the different ways to hold them down for various vaccinations or blood draws. Even just to calm them down.

It's a lot harder than it seems like it should be... Ever try to hold a cat down with one hand, open it's mouth with another and put a pill in the back of it's throat? You have to go past the gag reflex, not like you do at home with the pill in the mouth and rubbing the throat, I'm talking all the way down... It's not easy nor is it fun to have a cat biting at you.

Next week we are doing dogs... I bet it's way easier than cats... Cats are true fighters.

I was super nervous about today and feeling really unsure of my choice of career. I wasn't sure I could do it. But having done it, I feel way more confident.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

The Forgotten

Well,

This is the first week that I am really feeling the stress of the deployment. I've cried more times than I can count and had no one to talk to about it.

I tried to find some resources. I tried to find a blog or a forum. A chat group, any thing that was for the spouses of deployed military. A place we can go and say, "this sucks." Or whatever else we are feeling... A place we can vent our frustrations and worries.

Anything that says "this is normal" "I'm going though this too"

There is nothing... We are the forgotten few.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

I HATE the military

They say they are going to give us health care. It's the least they can do seeing as my husband gets paid shit money to put his life in danger.

So I call to see about my benefits... I can't see my doctors, I have to see theirs. Fine, I say. Where is this doctor? A half hour away on base. Fine I say. Can I see someone else? YEs, but you have to drive to the base to fill out paper work. FINE!, I say. I have to see a psychiatrist. Fine, they say. Can I see mine? Maybe, they say, but first he has to submit paper work and we will see if we like him. Fine, I say. I need an appointment. Fine, they say. Can you be here monday at 1:40pm? Fine, I say. But wait, if you don't carry around copies of your medical records you need to be here at 1pm, so we can get them... Fine I say. I saw my real doctor last week and they said I'm sick. Fine, they say. Will you pay for it? No, they say. Why I say. You need to see our doctor first. Fine I say. Can I still have my procedure? No, they say. Fine, I will see your doctor I say.

Make your appointment online, they offer. Fine, I say . I log on, sign up (which takes 15 minutes because they keep saying it's not the right information). I finally get a password - 14 min 20 max characters, must have at least one capital and one lowercase letter, must have at least one number, must have at least one extra character (!@#4). Fine, I do all of that. I log on, " Make appointment" button is clicked, then a big sign that says "NOT AUTHORIZED".

Really!!!!! Are you fucking kidding me!!!! I can't see my doctor, I can't have my procedure done, I can't see my psychiatrist (without paying a small fortune). I can't get sick because there is no one here to drive me a half hour to my see my doctor. I can't switch doctors to have one closer to home with out approval. I can't even make a god damn appointment. How the hell am I supposed to be treated!!!!!

Everyone thinks that we are taken care of. That it's all ok, because the government will take care of the military and their families. Well, this is what we get. Second rate medical care that we can't afford to begin with and all these hoops to jump through. It's bad enough that I have to see a military doctor. Some joke of a med student just their to get the tuition money, who doesn't really care about you because in a few years, he will be at a real job making good money. No that's not bad enough, they have to make it impossible to get that crappy care. What do they think we will just give up and die of Pneumonia instead of jumping through the hoops to get in to see someone!?

Is it not enough that we are broke? Is it not enough that we can't buy groceries? Is it not enough, that we can barely afford to see the doctor? No, now they have to tie beauricratic red tape around that too.

The Military Blows. Fuck the US Government.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Endoscopy anyone?

Well, today I had my appointment with the stomach specialist... The Gastroenterologist if you will.

He said it sounds like I have a Hiatal Hernia. It means the stomach is sticking up through the diaphram and doesn't close right. He is going to do a really fun procedure called and endoscopy. They dull me up with drugs and then stick a tube with a camera on it all the way down my throat into my stomach, than pass the stomach to the small intestines. Sounds like a good time right?

My husband is going to try to get leave to take me, since I can't drive myself. Which is fine with me. I don't really want to go through that alone. It's nothing scaring, but my throat is going to be really sore and I can't eat for a while so I'm going to feel like crap.

Oh, the joy of having an upset stomach... Next time, I'm going to keep it to myself and hope it goes away on it's own. :)