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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: My letter to "Sharon"

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Monday, December 7, 2009

My letter to "Sharon"

This is what I'm thinking of sending to my friend. I haven't decided if I will or not. It would be fairly mean to do it. I think she will be shocked. We'll see if I ever get the nerve.


Sharon,

Your friend request has been sitting in my inbox for months now. I have been deciding what to do about it. Do I accept and carry one some pretense that we are friends, do I ignore and run the risk of you requesting again, or do I block you?

It has been 8 months since we last spoke directly. The exact day was April 16th. I remember because it was the day my husband left for war.

You were so callous in your treatment of me. You job, ASV, relies on your ability to empathize and sympathize. That Thursday I saw neither of those things from you. You will never understand what it is like to send your husband off to war. You will never know what true worry is until the day your husband lays his life on the line. You will never be able to comprehend the fear that I suffered through for 5 months. And the trouble with you, is that you don't care to.

I asked for a little understanding during a difficult time. I asked for empathy. Empathy is the ability to say, "I don't know what you are feeling, but I know how I would feel if I were in your shoes." Your exact words to me were, "I don't understand how hard it is, because I'm not in the same position, but I do know that I have seen you do very little over the past 6 or so months." There was no thought as to what I was going through, or the fact that I was on a hiatus. There was no empathy from you. You, who claim to have empathy in spades, but you only feel it for people who have lost children. You only feel it for people who have suffered in exactly the same way you have. You have no ability to feel the pain of others, when it really matters to them... And what makes it so horrible, is that you don't care to. You didn't even try with me.

I sent my husband to war. I did not know if I would ever see him alive again. I lived with that fear every day for 5 months. His job was to be shot at. He was literally putting his life on the line, and all I could do was sit at home and wait to hear if he had died. I would go days without hearing from him. When he did call, it was abbreviated, a simple, "Hello, I'm still here and I love. Goodbye." And I knew that that was what was in store for me the day he left, and you chose that day to fire me.

I have suffered a great deal from this deployment. People have said the most insensitive things to me. They have been rude, disrespectful, and hurtful. I actually had a person say to me, "he signed up for it, so whatever happens to him over there is his own fault." A horrible thing to say, indeed. However, your actions and your words remain the single, most hurtful, most insensitive thing anyone said or did to me in the entirety of the deployment, possibly in my entire life.

You will never know how overwhelming it is to say goodbye to your husband, and to hug him and kiss him and not know if it will be the last time you ever do those things. And while I was suffering emotionally from that pain, while I was reeling from the trauma of having just said goodbye to my war bound husband, you felt it was appropriate to fire me. And you did it with no thought, no emotion, no sympathy. You were callous and uncaring. You were so busy fretting over your bankruptcy and foreclosure that you could not see a life and death situation right in front of your eyes. Your were so self-absorbed that you were unable to be there for someone you claimed as a best friend.

My honorable husbands puts his life in danger, so that ungrateful people like you can live to be self-centered. You have your rights, but you don't care about the sacrifices of those who give them to you. My husband, and because of that, I, make that sacrifice, and you threw it in my face carelessly.

At least the people who were rude to me, who were insensitive, were usually trying to be nice. Their compliments may have been inexpertly delivered, but underneath their careless, callous words, was a heart. They were trying to live life in my shoes for a second. You never even bothered, and yet you expected me to feel sympathy for your situation. Your dire financial situation, that was of your own making. You spent your way into bankruptcy and expected my heart to bleed, but you didn't give my husbands life a second thought. If those are your priorities as a human being, then you are not someone I ever care to be friends with.

The right thing to do, would have been to listen to my pain. It would have been to put yourself in my shoes for a minute. It would have been to wait until the dust had settled from my husbands departure to ask if I was still up to the task of being the Director of Resource and Development, but you gave me no such consideration.

The atrociousness and horribleness of your behavior and words have stuck with me. It is something I will never forget.

I changed my email and never gave you the new one. I ignored your forwarded emails, and now I am ignoring your friend request. In the 5 months that my husband was gone, you never once contacted me to see how I was doing, how I was holding up. If my 8 months of silence towards you was not a clear enough indication, let me leave you with no doubt... I do not want to be friends with you. I will never forgive you for how you treated me. You abandoned me at one of the most crucial, defining moments of my life. You refused to empathize. You refused to be a friend. You showed me your true colors. You are not someone I would ever care to be friends with. I want a friend who will be there for me when times are tough, someone who cares enough about me to try to understand the pain I am going through. You did neither of those things. You proved to be the most selfish and self-centered person I have ever met. I don't need friends like that in my life. You have absolutely no idea what it means to be a friend. If you did, I would still be speaking to you.

"It's not personal, it's business, " right? Well, it was personal to me. I took my job at ASV personally. I did it as a personal favor to you. I took my leave of absence for personal reasons and it was for personal reasons that I was unable to make those phone calls. It was 100% personal to me.

I do not want to be friends with you. I never want to hear from you again. Do not contact me ever again. There is nothing you can do to make amends in anyway, and knowing you, you probably still don't think you did anything wrong.


3 Comments:

Blogger Steph said...

Very well written. Sometimes we all need to learn to stand up for ourselves and what matters most to us.

December 8, 2009 at 7:33 AM  
Blogger rachel elizabeth said...

UGH. You should send it. So well written. (I think I have a girlfriend that I could send this to. She gave me the always popular "He signed up for it" comment too, THE DAY MY HUSBAND DEPLOYED. Thanks.) Way to stand up for yourself and for what your husband does. xo

(Google doesn't link to my blog and this is my first time stopping over here... my blog address is www.confessionsofajerseygirl.com)

December 12, 2009 at 11:33 AM  
Blogger Ashley said...

Well of course you should send that. Sometimes people deserve to know how they have hurt others! It's not mean, it's the truth! If you want to go to your reunion, you should definitely go. Don't let a few people have that power over you. Most people change after high school, so you just might be surprised!

March 15, 2011 at 4:03 PM  

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