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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: My brother...

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Friday, December 4, 2009

My brother...

Until now, none of you knew that I have a brother. We are estranged and have been since I was a teenager.

I will not go into it. Just suffice it to say that he is an extremely bad person who did very bad things while I was growing up and I choose to not have him in my life.

I do not look at this as a loss in anyway. I am not missing out by not having him in my life. What he put me through and the life I had because of him is unforgivable. Maybe someday, I will blog about it, but right now, it's a bit too personal for the world to know. I generally don't share it with people. I generally don't tell people I have a brother.

I am perfectly happy without him in my life. I don't miss him. I don't think about him and wonder how he is doing. He has been out of my life for so long that it's not even a second thought. Many of my friends don't even know I have a brother.

Recently a few people have found me on Facebook that share a connection with my brother. They know us both, or I know them through my brother. I am assuming my brother does not have Facebook or Myspace page. I get these messages from these people asking me how he is, and I simply reply that we are estranged and share what little information I know about him. That info is this:

He lives somewhere in WA. He may or may not live with his currently girlfriend who is at least 25 years older than him (I have met her and don't care for her). He has a 10 year old son, who I am in contact with and love dearly. Last I heard, he has been clean for 3-4 years, but is not in a program.

That is it. I don't know how to contact him, I don't know where he lives. I don't think he has a job, or he didn't last I heard. That is all the information I have to offer to the world.

It is no ones business why we are estranged. To spread it around would be to bad mouth him and I am better than that. I think most people would be shocked as to my reasons. No one who knows them blames me. No one who has heard about him thinks I am doing anything wrong. He has most of the world fooled, but not me. I know exactly what kind of person he is, and I choose not to have the person in my life, but when I politely tell people, in the kindest way possible, that we are estranged, their reply is always the same... "I'm sorry to here that."

Why? You have no idea why we are estranged. Why would you automatically assume that it's a bad thing? For all you know, he murdered people. He could be a rapist or killer. You haven't heard from him or talked to him since he dropped out of school in the 10th grade. You don't know anything about him. You don't know one thing. He is 28 years old now. You haven't seen him or heard from him in over 13 years. You have no idea what kind of person he is or what he has been up to for the last decade.

I have my reasons and they are all valid. The things he has done are unforgivable. I don't completely discount him. Maybe one day he will make amends. Maybe one day he will ask for forgiveness. Who knows? I don't know that I would give it to him, to be honest.

But when someone says they are estranged from a person, it's not alway over something trivial. It's not always some long drawn out battle of wills. Sometimes it is for valid reasons. Sometimes it is for the best. Sometimes it is a good thing.

Why do people always want to get in the middle of things? One person asked me about my brother, I told them we are estranged and she said, "yeah, your brother told me that." Well, if you already knew, why are you asking? Do you get some sick pleasure out of meddling in other peoples affairs?

My brother is a bad person. He always has been. He does not have a good heart, or good intentions. He is just a bad person, there is no other way to put it. And what he has done in his life, he will have to answer for in his next.

It is not my place to set people right about him. I don't feel the need to slander him to everyone I meet. I don't feel the need to talk about him at all. A few close friends know about him and that is enough for me. I will not go around and tell the world about him. For one thing, it is not my place to. For another, it would make most people very uncomfortable hearing about intimate details of my painful past unabashed. So I keep it to myself and simply say that we are estranged.

That should be enough for people. Let it go. Just because you thought you knew someone when they were 14 or 15 years old, doesn't mean you know that person at all. And don't always assume that estrangements are sad or painful or bad. My estrangement it good. It kept me safe. It helped me move on. I don't want him in my life and I am not sad that he isn't.

People will always surprise you. People will shock you with what they can do, good and bad. Never assume anything about people you meet until you really get to know them. You never know what is lurking underneath their exterior. I know what is under my brothers, and I choose not to have the kind of awfulness in my life. No one who knows my reasons will ever tell me I am wrong.

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