<data:blog.pageTitle/>

This Page

has moved to a new address:

http://www.aboyagirlandthemarinecorps.com

Sorry for the inconvenienceā€¦

Redirection provided by Blogger to WordPress Migration Service
<data:blog.pageTitle/>

This Page

has moved to a new address:

http://www.aboyagirlandthemarinecorps.com

Sorry for the inconvenienceā€¦

Redirection provided by Blogger to WordPress Migration Service
A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: Another sleepless night

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Another sleepless night

It is now 6 am. I got tired of trying to fall asleep around 4am. My cut off is usually 3am, but I stayed up until 2 today.

This insomnia thing is really starting to wear me down. I have been on so many sleep medications. Ambien is a beautiful thing. I love it. I would fall asleep instantly. It's short acting, so no hangover and I would sleep pretty well. I would still wake up in the middle of the night three or four times, but I usually fell right back asleep. But it turns out I'm allergic to it, so I had to stop taking it.

It has been a long journey to find something that works. Most meds don't make me sleepy, but when I do finally fall asleep, they make me sleep for like 12 hours. Then I'm all groggy and crappy when I wake up. My doctor is trying a different route this time. He gave me some benzo's.

For those of you unfamiliar with benzodiazepines, they are strong anti-anxiety and sedatives. Valium falls under this category. They are habit forming. So, I take a lower dose of just two and can only take them 50% of the time. That averages out to be about three times a week. If I take them more often, my body will build up a tolerance and I will have to start taking more, hence the habit forming. So I take two and wait about a hour before heading to bed. They don't make me tired. They just really relax me, so my natural tiredness can take over.

Most of my insomnia is caused by my inability to turn my brain off at night. I make lists. I sit in bed, trying to sleep, but make lists of things I need to do, stuff I need to remember, what I need at the grocery store, what my teacher said in class today, who I need to call back, bills I need to pay etc etc. If I have a test the next day, I really can't sleep. I doze off and on while dreaming about taking the test and lie in bed thinking about what might be on it and quizing myself on the material. I will do this all night and never sleep a wink. So my doctor started trying to find sleep meds for me.

I never used to be this way. I used to be able to fall asleep no matter where I was, what time of day or what was going on. Then my wedding happened. I started getting stressed. I never used to be a stressful person. I was very easy going, but the wedding had me crazy and I never calmed back down. I miss being that easy going person. Life was so much simpler back then, when I didn't worry about anything. Of course, I had significantly fewer responsibilities back then too.

So here I am, only sleeping about three days a week. On the bright side, it makes me a very productive person. In a few hours I will start homework and be done by the mid afternoon in stead of going all night. On the down side, I did, in fact, take my sleep medication this evening. I'm not sure why it didn't work. It hasn't failed me yet. I may not sleep all through the night, but I can get a good 5 hours out of it at least. I'm really hoping that this isn't a trend. I have this knack for taking sleep medications and having them work really well for about a week, then having them stop working all together. I hope that is not what is happening this time.

Insomnia is a tricky thing to treat. It's a huge bummer to have. I'm tired all the time. I get drained and overwhelmed very easily because I don't have enough sleep. My focus goes in and out, which makes school kinda hard for me. I wish I could nap, but if I nap in the middle of the day, I lose all hope of sleeping at night. I'm just not that kind of person. My husband is an excellent napper and I envy him immensely.

Oh the joys of insomnia. Someday, I will sleep. Someday, I will get a full 9 hours a day, no worries or stress. Someday, I will lay my head on my pillow and be out like a light, just like my husband. He claims the military trained him to sleep on a dime. Get it while you can, they say. So he does. I wish I could do that. He closes his eyes and is asleep within a minute, no exaggeration. Someday, that will be me. It has been 8 weeks since I had a good nights sleep. It has been three years since I consistently had a good nights sleep. I do have the odd day, where I fall asleep at a decent time and stay asleep all night. But mostly, I lie in bed for three or so hours, hoping to fall asleep, watching the clock for my 3am cut off time. And when I do fall asleep, I wake up three or four times a night and have to try to fall back asleep. And three days a week, I have to be up early to study for tests, so falling asleep on time is important.

In my youth, I never appreciated how good sleep was. I guess you never know what you have and how good you have it, until you lose it. And I have lost my ability to sleep.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home