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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: This sucks!

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

This sucks!

I start school again in a few weeks.  Like 5 weeks.  I start on Oct 12th.

I took a break because the stress of the deployment was killing me.  My husband living away from home for five month was horrible.  Then, to make matters worse, he left for Iraq the week before finals.  I took four of those five days off of school.  So, I spent a weekend playing catch up and had to make up three exams while studying for, and taking, finals.  It was horrible.  My brain wouldn't function.  I was reeling from his departure and couldn't handle school.  I had six more weeks left of the first portion of my schooling.  I just had to make it through those six weeks, and I did, but barely.  It took me twice as long to study for test or do homework because I couldn't concentrate.  I couldn't focus during class, I couldn't remember what we were learning.  

Somehow, I managed to pass with straight A's.  I don't know how.  It was sheer force of will, I think.  But I applied for, and was granted, a leave of absence (after my six week externship, which was, thankfully, a breeze).  I decided to take two sequences off.  That would be twelve weeks of school.  I was hard to think of what I was going to do for three months, but I was relieved when finals were over and I was done for a while.  

I enjoyed my first six weeks off.  I caught up on my shows, I read some books, I played with my dog.  But I missed having somewhere to go everyday.  I missed having something to do.  I started to get bored.  I wanted to go back, but circumstances changed and I was forced to wait my full three months. 

I decided to go back to night classes.  Getting up at 6am was hard for me.  I have always worked nights and I miss it dearly.  But, as you all know, I stuck to my day schedule and have continued to go to bed at 7pm and get up between 5 and 6am.  I am now faced with the challenge of changing that.

I have been doing it for so long now.  9 months to be exact.  Trying to stay up past 8pm is wreaking havoc on my nerves.  I don't know why.  I feel anxious trying to go to bed later.  School doesn't even get out until 10pm.  I have to be able to stay up until at least 11.  But so far I have only managed 9:30pm.  I, honest to God, start to have anxiety attacks after that.  I don't understand why this is so hard...

Well, actually, I do.  This is so hard because my schedule is what kept me sane.  I could keep busy in the mornings.  Doing dishes and laundry, walking my dog, talking to my mom on the phone, reading a book.  All these things kept me busy during the daylight hours.  But come evening, I would get bored and lonely.  I would feel sad and depressed.  And now, I have to face those hours head on.  I have to get on the night schedule.  I have to be ready to go back to school.  But I don't want to face the evenings.  

I'm already nervous about going back.  I have had three months to forget everything I learned.  It will be fresh in the minds of all of my classmates.  I'm going to be behind.  That is going to be tough.  On the bright side, evening students only go to school four days a week.  We get Fridays off.  So I am looking forward to having three days off a week.  But what do I do about this schedule?

I need to start getting ready to go back to school.  But I feel so anxious, sad and lonely at night.  I have been trying to read to keep me occupied.  I'm trying to re-read all the Harry Potter books right now and have a few other books sitting on my shelf that I would like to bang out before going back to school, but will it work in the long term?  I just don't know.  

I would give anything to be able to stay on my early morning schedule, but I know it will be healthier for me to go back to nights.  It will be better for when my husband comes home too.  I am happier on a night schedule.  I miss it.  I know it's for the best... in the long term.  But for now, I wish I could stay on my day schedule.  I wish I could continue to go to bed at 7pm.  

1 Comments:

Blogger Sara said...

I am in the process of changing jobs and have no idea what shift I am going to work (anytime day or night is possible). It's a transition time like anything else. Give your body a chance to adapt and you will be able to stay up later with ease! Keep us posted!

September 5, 2009 at 9:30 PM  

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