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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: Can I have a little pity party?

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Can I have a little pity party?

It's been a while since I threw myself a pity party. The deployment began to agree with me and I began living life fairly well without my husband. I got used to living alone and being the new and improved, independent me. I don't love deployments, but I learned to survive.

Now that my husband is home, we are encountering new problems. The first and foremost is readjustment. His reintegration into "normal" life is going to be a difficult one. My readjustment to married life, and living with another human being has also been difficult. I find that most of the time I am wishing I was alone again. I want to be with my husband, but my social skills are rusty. My marriage skills are rusty. In fact, my abilities to interact with the humane race are rusty. I have been alone for so long now and we all know that I was a homebody that never left the house.

But my main complaint is this: My husband is home, but he is not home.

There are options for reservists when they come home. There is some mandatory time that must be spent demobilizing. That's what they are doing this week. But after that, they have two options. Remain under contract and live on base until the contract is up, or check out early and take leave. My husband has opted to remain on contract until he will be forced to take leave. That puts him living on base until at least November.

He will be home most weekends, but he will not be living at home. He is neither here nor there. I am not living alone, but I am not living with someone either. We are in a weird state of limbo.

It's very hard, this in between thing. I have to start making decision with my husband, but he is not available to make them. I have to start considering him in the choices I make, but he isn't really around. I can't ask him questions or double check with him, I have to wait for him to call me. But the hardest part is the being alone. I have to work to get used to him being home for two and a half days, just for him to leave. Then I have to readjust to being alone all the time again.

This back and forth is very stressful. Maybe not "pity party" stressful, but hard none the less. This constant change is hard. I can't make a full adjustment to him being home because he is not really home, but he is not really gone either. When he was in Iraq, that was it. He was gone, but now he is just on the other side of the state. But he's not in my bed. I feel like this deployment will not be over for me until he is home, in my bed, every night. Until then, we are stuck in limbo, neither here nor there.

1 Comments:

Blogger Typette said...

Hi from ning.com 20sb.

That has to be so tough. adjusting and readjusting etc...
Maybe you guys can find a comprise for the current situation, and understand of how things should be. Decision making and everything. Just a suggestion, obviously I don't really know if that could work since I haven't been in that particular situation.

All I know, is that things are hard enough just being young and married and adjust to all that, I can't imagine what you are going through.

Simple wishes.

September 23, 2009 at 11:25 PM  

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