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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: Three posts in one day... Geesh!

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Three posts in one day... Geesh!

Today was a mondo shitty day, as I have already blogged about.

But today I found out that most of my friends are surprisingly unsupportive. This sucks, huge, sweaty, monkey balls. The people I have been relying on to help get me through the worst of times are no longer reliable.

I don't want to get into it. It will just make me more angry (which is code word for hurt, disillusioned and disenchanted) than I already am. Suffice it to say, that I now I have about one person I can really talk to. This person is the best. But she is also going to school. Incidentally, she goes to my school but is in a different program, thus she is on a different schedule. She has just started her externship, so now she is gone all day long. She was the person I called, during the day, when I needed someone to talk to, but now I can only call her at night, and we can't talk long because she is working like 50 hours a week and needs to sleep somewhere in there.

This blows. This deployment blows. Just when I was really getting into the swing of things and it was starting to look up, this happens. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to put themselves in my shoes. A little empathy is all I need. But, for some reason, it just is. Maybe it's because people don't want to think about these kinds of things. I don't know.

I feeling very vulnerable and lost right now. I have lost most of my support. My mother has just gone back to school herself and is, thus, less available. My friends? Well, we've covered that mess. And the person I normally go to when things get tough is out fighting a war.

I hate this. I hate everything about this. I hate that I don't have my husband here. I hate that I can't talk to him when I really need him. I hate that people don't understand what it's like. I hate that it's hard, but getting easier. I hate that it's not really getting easier... Which only makes sense to people going through this too. I hate that I have bad days and don't have anyone to hug. I hate that I decided to take a break from school, but I hate that I have to go back to school. I hate that I don't have anything to fill my time but books. Books make terrible friends. :( I hate sleeping alone. I hate grocery shopping alone. I'm generally hating life right now. Which sucks because, just a few days ago, I was loving life.

I miss my husband. He was always there for me. Abbreviated phone conversations are just not cutting it.

Friends suck. Life sucks. Oh and did I mention...

DEPLOYMENTS SUCK!

3 Comments:

Blogger Samantha the ArmyWife said...

Oh honey... that shit is in the water (within the milspouse community) today. I was figuratively just crapped all over by someone whom I thought was and would be a great friend because she's lonely and depressed thanks to the stress of deployment. =(

Anyway... I too and with you and feeling awful. So, sadly all that I can offer is validation of your feelings and that you are most definitely not alone in your feelings today (of all days).

July 17, 2009 at 10:49 PM  
Blogger . Becca . said...

Foxtrot
Uniform
Charlie
Kilo

Deployments. I agree.

http://shaywilliams.blogspot.com/2009/06/new-buttons-buttons-buttons-buttons.html

July 18, 2009 at 7:57 AM  
Blogger Happy Wifey & Mommy! said...

Hi I too am a military spouse who's hubby is deployed and i must agree with you whole heartedly that DEPLOYMENTS SUCK... alot of what I've read from your blog I feel so I can sympathize with you... There will be light at the end of the tunnel... Keep your head up... Better Days Will Come!...

July 19, 2009 at 12:29 PM  

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