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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: My Loyal Husband

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Friday, July 31, 2009

My Loyal Husband

My husband is fiercely loyal to his men.  So much in fact, that he chose to deploy when he could have stayed home.

This fact has caused a rift between us.  I spent the first few months of our deployment resenting him for leaving.  I hated him for picking the Marine Corps, and thus his men, over me and our new marriage. I felt abandoned.  The first year of marriage is hard,  and ours was especially difficult.

I happen to be the most stubborn person in the world.  I also have a lot of quirks.  Like how the towels have to be folded just so.  My closet is organized by type of clothing, then by color.  I'm anal, pushy and have to have my way all the time.  That makes me very difficult to be married to.  I know this.  My poor husband also likes to have his way.  He is a Marine through and through and feels that his way is the right way.  You can see where I'm going with this.  LOL.

So, we spent much of our first year of marriage learning how to compromise.  Mostly, we were learning what is important to fight for and what should you just let go of.  I mean, really, will it kill me if my husband doesn't fold his boxers in the absolute, perfect way that makes them evenly fit in the drawer?  No.  But I tend to insist anyway.  Which leads to his unwillingness to help me, which leads to me getting overwhelmed, which leads to big fights.  I promise, I am working on this.

So while we are going through the incredibly difficult process of learning how to be married, he up and leaves.  First he moves to the base, then he leaves the country.  And I am left resenting him for choosing his men over me.

This may not be a logical conclusion, but it was the one I came to pretty quickly.  I was mad at him for leaving me.  I was angry that he didn't love me enough to stay.  I was hurt that I didn't make him want to stay.  Somehow, I wasn't enough to keep him here.

As you can imagine, this made for a difficult deployment.  I was quick to get angry at him for every little thing and was sad all the time.  Borderline depressed.  I couldn't figure out how I was going to survive this kind of rejection.  And how would our marriage ever recover?

So, I began the process of learning to live without my husband.  I began to become more independent.  I had to, there was no one here who was going to do anything for me.  Soon, most of my friends stopped caring that my husband was gone, and I lost the support of most of them.  I was on my own.  But in this process, I began to see my husband differently.

He wasn't the man who left me anymore.  As I grew, I began to see things from his point of view.  He didn't chose the military over me.  He was doing what was right by his men.  He was showing his loyalty to them, by being there to protect them.  He had to be there, to make sure they were safe.  He knew, though I didn't, that I could take care of myself.  He had faith in me to be stronger than I knew I was at the time.

My husband is very loyal.  He put duty and loyalty above all other things.  But this doesn't mean that he isn't loyal to me.  He may not be taking bullets for me, but he calls everyday that he can.  He writes me letters.  He emails me just to say he misses me.  He puts me first in all the things he does.

He fights wars to make this world a better place, for me.  He wants to be a police officer, to make our area a safer place, for me.  He lets me pick the restaurants we eat at (most of the time) because he is a picky eater and knows that I get bored with his choices.  He lets me buy things, even when it means he will do without that new video game he wants.  

His loyalty may not present it's self in the same way that it does in the military, but he loves me.  

It took me eight months to figure this out.  Eight, long, months to see that his loyalty does, in fact, lie with me.  And now that I have, I feel much better about my husbands choice to leave.  

It's amazing what a little perspective will do for you.  


Blogger Mandy said...

So glad you have been able to find some peace!

July 31, 2009 at 4:47 PM  
Blogger Margaret said...

I really enjoyed reading this post:) Thanks!

July 31, 2009 at 4:58 PM  
Blogger Samantha the ArmyWife said...

awww... I think the reserves vs. full-time active duty throws a BIG whammy into the whole "deployment" senario. I mean you get use to life being a certain way with the military coming in second (for the majority of the month/year) then BAM, they are activated-- not only activated but deploying to Iraq or Afghanistan. It's tough. Where as I married a carrier active-duty soldier I knew what my life was going to be. Deployments while hard where inevitable- never a choice between duty/Army and myself. It was simply the nature of the beast... unavoidable. Something that came with the package of my man!
I sympathise with your situation, although I doubt I could ever wholy understand it. Also, I think you've done amazing! You've found a way through all of your resentment, anger and frustration to live your life AND support your Marine. KUDOS to you! Keep you're head up.

July 31, 2009 at 9:29 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

I am glad your husband is loyal, honored and blessed that he serves us and his country. Today I will pray for your husband and his men and I will pray for you.

This year I will celebrate 20 years of marriage to my husband. You learned a most valuable lesson early on in your marriage - to see the situation from the others veiw - that is hard and took me (and others) a long time to do.

I know that your husband is as proud of you as you are him.

Blessed by your post. Continue to Endure, friend!

August 1, 2009 at 8:08 AM  

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