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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: ARG to my husband!

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

ARG to my husband!

Only my husband could pick a fight at 12:30am while in Iraq!

His worry? That I want to hire a dog walker. He doesn't want me to give out our house key. He had the same reaction when I hired a house keeper. Like I'm picking these people off the street or something. I'm just walking up to complete strangers and saying, "Hey, you wanna key to my house, I'll even pay ya?"

ARG! He is freaking out because he says I'm not taking my personal safety seriously enough. He went on and on about how he needs to change our locks when he gets home and I should be more careful. He went into the most ridiculous things about safety and me being killed in my bed. He actually makes me sleep with a loaded gun in my night stand!

Honestly, it was a really long fight. It's the longest I've ever been on the phone with him in one sitting. How come he can't talk that long when we are getting along!

He is really paranoid. He calls it being alert and cautious. I call it ridiculous. I'm not going to live my life in fear, and I'm not going to stay locked up in the house because he worries too much. He shouldn't be worrying at all! It takes focus off his missions.

I told him, that if he insists on putting his life on the line every day of our marriage that the least he could do was stay focused on coming home alive!

What's he going to do when he comes home and becomes a police officer? We may not be on the same schedule. Often times the rookies get put on the night shift, which means, I will be by myself most of the time. He can't be worrying about me and whether or not I'm safe at home while he is having it out with some bad guy. He needs to stay focused on the task at hand. He needs to be focused on coming home alive and in one piece. Just like in Iraq.

He makes me so angry! I have lived in this world for 26 years. 23 of them were spent without him. I think I can survive 6 months until he comes home, don't you? It's not like I'm inviting total strangers into my house and showing them all of me weaknesses. Besides, I'm more likely to be attacked outside the home in a parking lot or something. Or hit be a drunk driver than I am to be assaulted in my own home.

And where were all these safety precautions before he left? He's talking about locks and deadbolts. He wants a numbered key pad on the garage door. He even talked about a garage door that closes on it's own after a certain period of time, just in case I forget to close it. Were was all this worry before he left me alone, you know, when he could still do something about it.

I hate it. Worrying does no good. I could sit at home and worry about his safety too. I could worry that he doesn't have enough armor or he isn't being vigilant enough. I could worry that someone is shooting at him, or about IED's. I could worry about whether or not he is safe, alive or coming home. But I don't. It's wasted energy. He is there and I am here. Worrying won't change that. I can't do anything about it. I can't change the outcome of things by worrying about the possibilities. Of course I am concerned for his safety. Sometimes, I do worry a little. But I can't sit at home and drive myself crazy with it. And he shouldn't either. He can't change anything about our circumstances anymore than I can. And his worrying puts his life in danger.

It just makes me so... well, angry is as good a word as any. Maybe even livid. He needs to be focusing on coming home alive. Ever second that he is wasting on me and whether or not I double checked the door to make sure it was locked is a second that he is not focused on the mission.

I say AAARRGG to my husband is his stupid worrying.

1 Comments:

Blogger Krysten Hartenstein said...

He's probably just more worried because he isn't there with you, you know?

June 15, 2009 at 12:07 PM  

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