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A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle: November 2008

A Boy, A Girl, and The Marine Corps: A Love Triangle

"I cast my lot with a Marine and where he was, was home to me." ~ Anonymous.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008


Well, this past weekend was the Marine Corps Ball. Every November, we have a huge ball that is a drunken good time.

This year sucked. My husband had drill before ball, so I had to drive over there myself, with another wife, so that sucked. I had to be up super early, since ball is across the state. We actually made good time going over there, but it sucked to have to drive the day of. Normally, my husband and I drive over the night before and hang out, but since he was already there, I had to get up super early to drive. We had a really busy day and everything was going ok. Some of the wives and I got ready together and of course, we had a few drinks before heading out to the actual ceremony.

But this year, things were rocky. First, I got dragged into some really stupid drama. I normally make it a point to steer clear of that kinda stuff, but this year it found me. A marine and his wife got in a really big fight because he was drunk and being a jerk and I just happen to be the first person she saw. So she was sobbing to me about it and I had to calm her down. Well, since I was sorta stuck with her, my husband and another Marine went to talk some sense into the husband. That really sucked. I finally got away after a while, but it was a serious bummer. It almost ruined my whole night.

To make matters worse, my husband was being a complete jerk the whole night. He decided that I had to spend every waking minute with him and wouldn't let me go have fun with the other wives. He normally goes and does his thing with his buddies and I hang out with the wives, but this year he changed his mind or something. He was being such a pain about everything. We ended up leaving our friends to go our hotel room to fight about it.

When we finally got things worked out, I started to feel really sick. I was up all night sick as a dog. I had to wake him up at 5am to take me to the store to buy medicine. The only store that was open was the crappiest WalMart in the world and while we were there I ended up getting sick in the bathroom 5 times. It sucked.

We got up in the morning and met our friends for breakfast as usual, but I didn't feel very good and was sick most of the day.

It was not the best ball ever... And now my husband is saying this might be our last one. I really hope that is not true. I don't want my last ball to be this crappy.

Friday, November 21, 2008

My Puppy's Plight

Ok, so that last time I posted I talked about what a terrible surgery our puppy had. Well, we aren't in the clear.

I took her in to get her staples taken out and they tried, but they said she isn't healing. They took some of the staples out and she began to open up again. They had to leave them in. They are going to try again in another week.

For now, I have to put hot packs on her and neosporin. I don't know what to do. She just isn't healing.

I feel terrible, like it's my fault. The vet said we could do things to help her heal faster, but we didn't. I've never had an animal not heal before. And I knew something was wrong. For a like 4 or 5 days, I've been feeling like something was wrong with her staples. I even took her into the vet to get checked for infection. I just knew something was wrong... I just didn't know what. And now, she isn't healing.

I'm doing everything the vet said to do, but I have to go out of town for weekend. My mom is going to stay with her and keep an eye on her. She knows what to do and I hope she will be doing ok.

I'm just so worried about her.

Monday, November 17, 2008

So Far...

Well it's been a crazy couple of weeks.

My husband came home and we took the last two weeks off. We pretty much just hung out at home. But our puppy had to get spayed during this time.

She reacted badly to the anestistia and her heart rate dropped to a dangerous low. They couldn't get it to regulate and had to cut the surgery short. They were going to take out some of her baby teeth because they aren't falling out on their own, but couldn't. They also couldn't sew her up because she was starting to wake up and they didn't want to risk, putting her out again, so they had to staple her. It was really bad. She was in alot of pain for a few days and was bleeding. Her teeth hurt from having them wiggled and stuff so she couldn't eat hard food. It was awful. We were really worried about her. She is doing much better now, though. She is able to get on the couch, though she still has a hard time getting back off, and she is eating again, so that is good.

Also, I had my interview with school to try to get into the Vet Tech program. It was really nerve racking. The interview was supposed to be an hour long, but it ending up being two. The Vet I interviewed with, who is the head of the department, liked me so much she wouldn't stop talking. It went really well, and she kept saying she was sure I was going to be the top of my class. So now I am in the program. I start in three weeks and am getting ready.

What is really nice is that my husband said I could quit my job and just go to school. I'm really scared to do that though. I hate my job, but it's a good job. I get paid well and I have great benefits. I have lots of vacation time and full health coverage that I don't have to pay for. It's scary to leave a sure thing for a chance. I mean, I'm really excited about school, but who knows what can and will happen between now and my time to graduate. My job is a sure thing. I can't get fired and I can take time off whenever I want to. So, as much as I want to, I'm very nervous about quitting.

I'm also kinda stressed because I feel alot of pressure to be the best in my class. It's a very competitive program and I feel like I need to be the best to prove to my husband that he was right to let me quit my job. I know it's silly and it's a lot of stress to put on myself, but that's how I feel. It's sorta a catch 22. If I don't push my self to be the best, I probably won't be, so I feel like I should push myself to be the best. But pressuring myself to be the best is really stressful. I'm trying to find the balance right now.

Until then, I am back to at my job, waiting to start school, and getting ready for my husband to be deployed.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

House warming party

Well, today we had our house warming party and it was a bit of a let down...

We invited over 60 people and only 15 showed up. We had a good time and it was nice to see the people who came, but it was a huge let down that so many people didn't show. I mean, what am I going to do with all that food? I figured at least 30 would show up and since we didn't have that, I have a ton of left over food.

It was also kinda sad that so many people must not have wanted to come. I didn't ask for an RSVP, maybe I should have. We had planned on it being an open house kinda thing, so it didn't seem like we needed an RSVP, but maybe more people would have come if we had asked them to.

What was weird, was that the people who said they were coming, didn't come and the ones we didn't know about were the ones who showed.

It's just that it is the last weekend for everyone to be able to see my husband before he leaves for activation. Next weekend we have a funeral and a brunch to go to, the weekend after that is Marine Corps Ball and the weekend after that is Thanksgiving and the last weekend he will be home. So we don't have any more time to see people. They couldn't have picked a worse time to activate.

We've been telling people that he is leaving soon, but no one told us when exactly that would be until this past week. So we didn't know for sure how much time we had left to see people. It could have been next month or 2 months from now, there was no way to be sure. We had a "probably will leave at this time" but nothing more concrete until now. But by the time they told us we only had November left, the first weekend of November was gone.

It just suck to plan and try to impress upon people that the time to see my husband is now and then have no one show up. We have lots of food and stuff left over and didn't get to see many people. It just blows...

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Still not home

Well, it's almost 5pm and my husband is still not home. He hasn't even called to say he is on his way yet.

I get the feeling they are getting in trouble or something went wrong... At this rate he won't be home until 8pm or later. I was hoping to go out to dinner or do something else that is special, but I don't think he will get home in time now.


Saturday, November 1, 2008

My husband is coming home!!!

Yeah, My husband is coming home tomorrow! It has been a long, hard two weeks without him. I never really realized how much he supports me and is there for me, until I really needed him and he was gone.

He is only home for 3 weeks, then he takes off again, but that time is will be for Ball weekend. So he will be gone for a few days, but then I get to go meet him and attend the Marine Corp Ball. It's the best, drunken night of the year and I don't drink! Only this one time and year and it's so much fun. So at least next time won't be as bad as this time.

It feels like ages since I've seen him. I know, I know, if I can't handle two weeks, how will I handle a deployment? But I'm hoping to stay busy during the year he is gone. I'm going back to school and everything... So it won't be like this time, where all I had to do was sit at home and miss him.

I don't know how I'm going to get any sleep tonight. He said it sounded like they were going to get to head home pretty early. You never know, and he still has a three hour drive home, but the earlier the better. Once he didn't get home until 10pm. As long as it's earlier than that, I won't complain... Well, maybe a little. I hate it when he gets home really late. I hope he is home by 5pm. That would be perfect. It means they got everything done in good time, and no one screwed them over by getting in trouble and holding the whole company back. If it's much later than that I will know something went wrong.

I'm so excited to see him!!!

No Kids

Ok, so this doesn't happen very often to me, but since I promised myself to be more honest with my blog than I am with myself, here it goes.

Tonight, being Halloween, I went down to a little party put on by a friend. It wasn't a costume party or anything crazy, just a few people over for a dinner of nothing but orange food. I had a really good time.

The talk wanders, as it will often do when you have a diverse group of people together, and talk soon turned to babies and giving birth.

I was 16 when I witnessed the birth of my nephew and, though I had been saying since I was 12 that I wasn't going to have children, that kinda solidified it. I've never really wanted kids. I don't picture my life in the future and see them. I am happily married and have a dog and that seems to be good enough, but every now and then I feel like I'm missing out.

I was told a long time ago, that kids would be hard for me. Between my bipolar and some things wrong with my pelvis, it would be difficult to carry a child full term with out complications. I've always taken this to be a sign that I was right about not wanting to have kids. But tonight we got to talking about it and I began to feel sad.

I work for a non-profit that helps parents work through their grieving in a healthy manner when they lose a child during pregnancy. I have so much respect for people who are able to move past it. Our founder(and the person who invited me to the dinner) started the org because she lost her first child. I know all about healthy ways to deal and what to do and who to contact for support. But when we were all sitting around and talking about it, I realized how sad I was.

I'm sad because I think a part of me does want children, but I'm too chicken to risk it. There are all these women who suffer multiple losses that we deal with. They want nothing more than to have a child and are willing to suffer multiple losses to have one. I don't have that strength. On top of not wholly wanting children, I just can't go through it.

I think it's a terribly selfish way to feel. I see all the people I have worked with get through it and they are fine. But I just don't think I could survive the loss at all. I don't do well when I have to part with pets. I don't deal with disappointment well at all, and this would be the greatest disappointment there is. I can't imagine doing all that preparation and getting all excited and just to have it not happen.

I feel extremely guilty about this. Here I am supporting these women and families. I talk the talk, but can't walk the walk. I can be supportive an do my part, but I'm too chicken to try to have kids of my own. Too scared that I wouldn't survive a loss. I just don't see myself being able to handle it.